Post # 1
I am wondering how the Bees are managing the balance between doing what you truly want, and ensuring your event is enjoyable/convenient for your guests and follows etiquette.
I aim to be a gracious host and am ensuring my guests are comfortable, happy and full (especially ones that have travelled a far way to be here). However at the same time, I have also found that I have strayed far from my original ideal wedding in order to keep the needs of guests satisfied.
What myself and Fiance really would have loved is a small wedding in the mountain rainforest village near our city (1 hour drive away), a picnic ceremony in a forest clearing, followed by a cocktail reception outdoors. Slowly I have altered things to consider my guests needs in order to provide less travel time, a sit down meal and more invites for extended family (to avoid insult). My wedding is now looking like this (though not locked down): A picnic ceremony on my family property (in town – 25min drive from reception venue) and a sit down reception at a local restaurant with room for more and a larger bar tab. Now even with this I am still receiving complaints from guests about the potential travel time (am receiving suggestions to move the ceremony to a closer local hall).
My question is – where do you draw the line at altering your wedding to accommodate guests?
Post # 3
I think if you’re going to alter your wedding plans, it should be primarily because YOU want to do it. It’s great that you’re considering your guests’ needs, but as you’ve already seen, there’s no guarantee that they’ll appreciate it so if that’s your only pay off (the satisfaction of your guests noticing and appreciating your effort) you may end up disappointed or resentful.
Post # 4
This is your wedding day – do what makes you happy! I would try to keep to that first, but I understand how difficult that gets, particularly when you want to be a great hostess!
Post # 5
This is difficult. If I had had my own way, my wedding would have had a different location altogether… and a different everything!
Twenty five minutes is not too far to drive. I say you draw the line there. Your guests will just have to drive for 25 minutes! Could you perhaps arrange a shuttle bus or something, though? Because if your guests are driving then they cannot drink!
I think that considering how your guests will get from place to place after they have had a few drinks is very important…
Post # 6
My feeling is that for a local wedding, anything within an hour’s drive is entirely reasonable and I’d have no problem with. It’s wonderful that you want to be a gracious hostess and I think it’s a sentiment that’s often lost; however, I’d also say that guests are supposed to be gracious as well. Your original plan was reasaonable imho. Any guest complaining about the current distance, politely inform that you’re sorry they feel that way but that it’s important to you and your family to have it on their property.
Post # 7
@DeeWee: we had to delay our reception to 3 months after the wedding because Mother-In-Law demanded to accommodate all her family members! I think it’s reasonable to be accommodating to people who are close to you, like parents and best friends, but don’t give up too much to please everyone. Because when it comes down to it you’re never going to please everyone.
Post # 8
@DeeWee: My wedding is a Destination Wedding and so everyone is invited to my Rehearsal Dinner, they place i really wanted to have my Rehearsal Dinner at was “too far” according to my Future Mother-In-Law so we went with someplace else (still really great, so i’m ok with it!). That really irritated me for awhile though. But honestly, I haven’t really done much else. I am having a Destination Wedding, so if they want to come, they come. If someone in my immediate family had had a problem, I would have done something. I did invite more people than I wanted, though.
Post # 9
You are right, perhaps i should draw the line here – i can already feel our wedding becoming less “us”.
Thank you for your advice! The reception location is actually right in the heart of the city, whilst the ceremony location is on the outskirts. So in terms of transport after drinking, there really isn’t far to go from the reception. And there are a range of hotels within walking/short taxi distance.
@Aquaria: How frustrating – having to delay the reception! And you are very right – someone will always gripe no matter what!
@swisea01: It was nice of you to change the location of your DW! Parts of me wish i had have taken FI’s advice of “if they want to come theyll come” for my original plans….
Post # 10
@DeeWee: this is you and your FH’s day, it should be what you want, especially if you are the ones paying for it.
Post # 11
I always wanted to get married on my parents’ property (about an hour from the nearest town, two hours from where the in-laws live). The in-laws were dead against us getting married there, so we looked into venues closer to the area and more “traditional” for a wedding. We both hated what we were looking at – the nicer venues usually had a price tag to match, and the cheaper ones were often crappy little RSL clubs that would still charge plenty for a wedding. On top of that, everything was more conventional/conservative, and we were really struggling to find a venue or vendors that we would enjoy, or that would be more “us.”
In the end, we scrapped all our plans, booked a ton of vendors at my parents’ property, then told the in-laws where it was going to be. We tested the waters a bit by saying “We’re thinking, because wedding planning is so painful, we might just have an engagement party and leave getting married for a few years. We’ll do the engagement party on my parents’ property, etc.” That was perfectly fine with them – a few weeks later, we just said “Well, given that we’re already throwing a party, we might as well just upgrade it slightly and make it a wedding!”
At that point, they really couldn’t play the “It’s not convenient to get married that far away” card, because they had already agreed to it!
Anyway, long story short, just go with what you guys want. It may not be conventional, and it may be less convenient for some of your guests but they don’t have to come! They are making a choice to come to the wedding, and if they think it’s too far to drive, they don’t have to do it. I prefer that our wedding was more quirky and more individual, and many of our guests seem to feel the same.
Post # 12
My wedding is very inconvenient for my guests but its what I want. Those who care about me have options to make it work.
My venue is about a 2 hour drive for most of my guests and the ceremony is at 9 am. Originally my fiance wanted it to be at dawn but we figured that would just be mean. Since its at a camp we did rent it for the night before as well and gave the guests the option of staying the night to avoid getting up early, but almost none of them are going to So all in all, I think I tried hard enough to make it convenient.
Post # 13
I think that if you want to plan a wedding that only considers you and Fiance, you should elope. Once you invite people, you become a host and need to plan accordingly. That doesn’t mean you have to compromise your whole vision, but you do need to take into account the comfort and enjoyment of your guests. I think what you described sounds like a good compromise that has some of the things that are important to you, but still takes care of your guests.