- 3 years ago
- Wedding: October 2014
I have never posted here before, but because of recent events I have been googling to see what other people have said about being in a similar situation and I saw a lot of support and love on these posts, so I thought I would try it.
This saturday I am marrying my fiance, after 4 years of dating and 1 year of being engaged. The wedding planning process has been fine, no big issues- not a lot of drama, no huge comprimising or catastrophes (yet). But there has been something big that has been weighing on me and now that the day is getting closer I think it is just more present.
I just turned 25 and I lost my mom when I was 17 to cancer. I am an only child and all of my family live out of state so I have always been kind of disconnected (but inwardly desperate to belong to a close knit family). My dad and I were really close, but September 5 2013 he passed away from septic shock. It was sudden, it was awful…I had to make a lot of hard decisions and grow up extremely quickly. A few weeks later right around our 4 year anniversary, my fiance proposed.
The plannig process has been happening right alongside the greiving process, so there has been some ups and downs. His family is very tight knit and I am lucky to be joining it..but as we got closer to the date I was pleasantly surprised when a bunch of my family members sent back yes RSVPS. They havent been the most supportive and I kind of expected more considering I had lost both of my parents and had no one out here family-wise for me…but them planning on coming made me feel loved and supported and it was such a good feeling.
Now, the week of the wedding (after I have finalized my seating plans, numbers, paid more for an attendant for two extra tables, etc) my family is starting to drop like flies. “Oh I am so sorry something came up… I cant get off of work”. I get it, life happens. I am a pretty go with the flow person, I don’t take a ton personally because I know life can surprise you and not always in good ways. But I already had to tell so many family members I understood they couldnt make it and it was ok…and I was not as sad because I had this group of people who were coming and I was happy about it. Now they are all backing out. It is travel, I get it. I am trying to be understanding and adult about it, but I can’t help but feel really hurt.
I have always traveled for them, for every wedding, for holidays. And now, after this last hellish year and something good is finally happening…and they aren’t here. I think I am realizing I just don’t matter that much to them, and that hurts.
I have a fantastic group of friends, most of whom I have been friends with since I was a little girl. I have friends who love me, support me, who fly from everywhere to come and support me (one is actually flying from Rwanda). My fiances family have always treated me as a family member, they are absolutely wonderful. I have so many good people in my life..so why can’t I shake these family members off? Why am I all of a sudden so focused on the fact that I have so few people coming to my wedding than people I know who are getting married the same time (200+ in most cases, I am down to 100 from 115). I normally hate being around lots of people, I find it overwhelming, but here I am crying as I watch my guest list dwindle and people send in last minute regrets.
I am not sure what I am looking for out of this…I know its probably super emo and feel sorry for myself but I feel bad saying it to my fiance (“but I love you and all that matters is that we are there together, I am your family now” WHICH IS WONDERFUL AND TRUE) or friends because I dont want them not to feel important to me.
Anyone else been in a similar situation and can relate? I promise I am not always this womp-wompy and this is the last way I want to feel the week of my wedding.
Thanks in advance for any input!