(Closed) Wedding two months away and he drops on bomb on me

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Listen to your friends. They know the situation better than us. There is no reason they would tell you to not marry him if they didn’t have a GOOD reason for doing so.

Post # 5
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Postpone it on the condition that he gets back into counseling– I wouldn’t wait until after you’re married to fix these problems.

Post # 6
Member
1519 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

If you are not 100% positive that you want to marry this man, don’t do it. Take it from someone who questioned whether or not to marry a guy even as I was walking down the aisle…guess where that one ended? Divorce court!

Post # 7
Member
7291 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Time to take a step back! Don’t move forward with any plans for marriage until you are honest with yourself and honest with him. You don’t want to “settle” for things because you feel indebted or they would make a great parent etc etc

Best of luck, thinking of you!

Post # 8
Member
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Postpone at in the very least. Based on what you told us, this does not sound like a healthy relationship in any way, shape, or form. If you want to make this relationship work, definitely seek couples counseling.

Post # 9
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

Don’t think about the money (as far as losing money by cancelling the wedding).  Think about your happiness.  Are you happy?  Will you be happy with a husband who is making a fraction of your earnings, burdening you with over half of the household expenses because he refuses to take steps to manage his mental illnesses?  I would postpone and see if that inspires him to man up to his responsibilites.  If it doesn’t, I think it might be best for you to move on. 

Post # 10
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

First I would like to say trust your gut!!!!! listening to what others have to say will make you second guess your decisions,once your ready to make whatever decision u make at least you can say YOU make the right decision. so always go with you gut, you will make the best decision for you. Smile

I truly hope all will get better and you update us on your great SUCCESS!!!!

GOD BLESSInnocent

Post # 11
Member
1719 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree with others about postponing the wedding.  You’re doing a lot for your fiance and your burden will only worsen once you’re married.  

Post # 12
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

First of all, it’s REALLY important that he goes back to therapy and continues his medication.  Based on your description of his depression, working out is not going to be enough.

Second, I agree with the PP that you should postpone the wedding until you are sure.  It’s very possible to love someone with all your heart and still have them not be the right person.  As much as it’s important to have someone in your life who can help you through tough times, that’s not a reason to be with somone you’re not sure about.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this.  It sounds like you have a lot of good, supportive people in your life to help you through this.  Keep us posted and come back if you need to talk more or need more advice!

Post # 13
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I agree with a pp in that you should take the money out of the equation.  You have some very valid questions and concerns, and now is the time to take a step back and really evaluate the situation.  You need to think of whether this (lackluster sex life, somewhat disinterested partner, etc) is what you want for the rest of your life.  

I think counseling would be a good thing in this situation – both personal and couple counseling.  *hugs*  Better to split now, then have to deal with a divorce later…. Best of luck to you!

Post # 14
Member
2127 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think you should listen to your friends too, they care about you and have insight you may not be able to fully grasp yet. I think these plans of marriage should be put on hold based on what you explain. I’m really sorry you have to go through this. But in no way, is it okay to marry someone because you owe it to them….because you’ve invested so much. Yes, relationships are work, but I think there has to be something there that makes you feel like you could never give up. 3 Years may seem like a long time, but it’s a blink of an eye in marriage. You have to truly fathom many, many years of things just as they are and decide if you can live with it or not. I do understand losing him, you may be losing your best friend in the world, and it’s hard to imagine. Yes, people marry their best friends, but they also marry their lover, their rock, the one they trust more than anyone in the entire world, the one who wouldn’t change course on you without consulting you and taking your goals and desires into account.

If you can’t mail those inviations out, something is telling you you can’t. The best thing you can do for yourself right now is be brave, take time to sort things out. Talk to someone.

 

Post # 15
Member
13073 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If you aren’t sure, it’s best to postpone the wedding.  Good luck! 

Post # 16
Member
1430 posts
Bumble bee

I agree with the others. Postpone it for now, make sure he gets back to therapy- his outlook on school may change once he is healthy again and you should both got to counseling together.  If your friends are caring, supportive and honest people they may be right.. but not all “friends” always look out for your best interest so you’ll have to decide if they just don’t like him or if they have a good point on why you shouldn’t be married.

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