(Closed) Wedding was totally ruined

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
11391 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

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HisMrs2017 :  while this certainly sucks and your planner is at fault, this is also just life. You said you all were talking about everything that was missed instead of enjoying the day.

this is some tough love, but that was your choice. It was your choice to focus on what went wrong. 

So flip it around. What went right? I mean, you can’t change it so there’s no point lamenting it any further. Look for the good and focus on it. 



Post # 18
9576 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Id want a refund from that planner, she sounds completely incompetent BUT Im sure your guests didnt notice these issues like you did atleast. Im sorry the day was stressful.

Post # 19
1133 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

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HisMrs2017 :  I understand you are upset but you posted this (I thought) to receive words of encouragement to look on the brighter side of things. You can’t change what happened but you can look at what went right (like you marrying the love of your life) and try to accept the smaller (by comparison) things that went wrong. 

Also, the guests probably had a great time and did not notice any of the missing things. And their food probably wasn’t cold. So that is a plus too! 

Post # 21
1128 posts
Bumble bee

I’m sorry : ( it sounds like you are looking for validation, and I totally get that.  You can’t be expected to be the bride and the coordinator AND be able to enjoy yourself.  I’m pretty sure anybody would be upset but this, even the bees who seem to only want to criticize you.


I would be really upset as well.  I’m sure it was hard to be in the moment wen you are constantly juggling and waiting for more things to go wrong.  


I’m trying to think if anything can be salvaged.  Where did your coordinator come from?  Is there any way you can get money back, given the circumstances?


Are your photos at least beautiful?

Post # 22
596 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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HisMrs2017 :  What did you say?  I just don’t understand, you mentioned that the unity candle, the rose ceremony, the bouquet toss, the garter toss, not receiving the cake, and just were told no weren’t allowed to do them? 

Post # 25
1128 posts
Bumble bee

Fortunately, your wedding really only is one day.  Even if it had gone perfectly, it still would be over in 6-8 hours.  You do have a lifetime of good memories to look forward to.  If you have some nice pictures, at least.  


Edit: Saw your post.  I’m sorry, it sounds like you did all you could.  It might not be worth the aggravation to continue to pursue getting money back, but I understand if you or your husband wants to.  Good luck bee!

Post # 28
5780 posts
Bee Keeper

Don’t feel guilty for being disappointed, I think you have a right to feel like those you counted on/paid for their services, dropped the ball. I wouldn’t say your wedding was ruined, but I can definitely understand you feeling upset. ((((hugs))))

I think part of the problem is that we tend to make someone’s problems relative to more serious problems and this isn’t fair, it trivializes someone’s feelings just because comparatively someone else has it worse. No, nothing tragic or truly awful happened at your wedding, but this doesn’t mean you can’t feel hurt or upset when a day you worked so hard to plan and meant so much to you was fraught with others letting you down. So yes, many of these issues can be classified as ‘first world problems’ but it doesn’t lessen the fact that you felt uncomfortable and embarrassed in your dress, sad that parts of the ceremony that were important and special to you like the moms’ roses and the unity candle were left off.

I think we need to remember that almost all of us have been hurt or upset by ‘first world problems’ and that sometimes what we really need is a shoulder to cry on, an ear to vent to, a friendly comforting person to let us have our moment to deal with disappointment without being told it’s not a big deal or worth being upset over. It’s not good to dwell on it endlessly, of course not, but often venting about it, maybe even having a cry over it, actually helps a person to put it behind them.

I’m sorry so many things went wrong Bee. Yes, you’re happily married now and of course you’re going to focus on this, but don’t feel badly for being human- go ahead and vent in here or over wine with a best friend or sister or commisserate with your new husband.

Post # 29
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

You’re allowed to be upset. I know I would be! I’m an event planner and she completely screwed up your day! You pay a coordinator to make sure nothing is missed. Unfortunately, you cannot go back and redo it, but I think there are a couple of things you can do.

  • Find out the contact information of all these vendors. You have their names, you can find their facebook, websites, etc.
  • Once you feel secure that your wedding coordinator can’t screw you over any further, calmly write down all the issues that came up and write a fair and honest review anywhere she is listed. Is she a certified planner? Send the complaints to her association as well. Make sure you do this when you’re no longer at your peak anger level so you don’t come across irrational. 
  • I’m not sure what a rose ceremony is but is there something special you can do with your husband and mothers? Maybe invite them over and recreate it?
Post # 30
2179 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

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RobbieAndJuliahaha :  Exactly on point. There’s no reason to feel guilty for being upset at what happened. It happened. You were disappointed. You’re human and you’re allowed. Now you can work on getting past it and being happy in your new life. I’ve dealt with a life-threatening illness, and believe me it doesn’t keep you from getting aggravated at all of life’s other annoyances, big and small. I was still mad at traffic when I had cancer! Anyway, I’m sorry. I do believe time will lessen your disappointment. Congrats on your marriage.

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