(Closed) Wedding was totally ruined

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 31
Member
5397 posts
Bee Keeper

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HisMrs2017 :  omg I’m so sorry bee. I know I’d be angry and upset too. I think it would be helpful to write down everything the planner did wrong. And then you’ll have it down for if you decide to take legal action. How much did she charge you? I also think it would be helpful to write a review on her yelp page. Just one word of warning, if you are taking legal action wait to do this part the attorney will have advice on that.

Once you’ve done that, think about how beautiful the venue was and think about the good gloves that happened. I know it’s hard but try. Did you dance? Did you have fun at all? 

You have every right to be upset and you should allow yourself to feel it. But not for too long. Try to feel the feeling of being a newlywed. Congrats bee, you’re married! 🙂

Post # 32
Member
239 posts
Helper bee

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HisMrs2017 :  I am sorry this happened! It’s so frustrating that no matter how well you plan, not everything goes right. Have you considered asking either your venue, planner, or caterer for a significant amount of money back? It sounds like many balls were dropped.

I agree with the about “bad wedding make great marriages.” My husband and I got married at an indoor venue in September (that just happened to be the hottest day our area had seen in years) and the air conditioning broke the day of. My flowers were not the correct color and I sent them back, I forgot to put on my garter, my hairdresser could not curl my hair (and I stuck my head in the sink, washed it, and did it myself), my bridesmaids couldn’t be bothered to help with anything, and the venue forgot to bring out the groom’s cake. And I’m completely in love with my husband lol. (We wound up getting 50% back from the venue).

Post # 35
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I get why you’re upset. Weddings are expensive AF and it’s disappointing when something you imagined and planned goes off the tracks. I would try getting some sort of refund for all the mess and confusion that went on at the fault of the coordinator. Congrats though, bee. You really will look back and laugh. Probablyyyy not anytime soon, but I think you will 🙂

Post # 36
Member
2888 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

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HisMrs2017 :  I totally understand why you’d be upset.  I would be too in your situation and you’re looking to vent.  The other Bees telling you to focus on the good are not trying to invalidate your feelings, just that a lot of good isn’t going to come constantly dwelling on what did go wrong instead of what went right.

It was pouring freezing rain on our wedding day.  All damn day long!  We couldn’t get any cutesy outside pictures with umbrellas because it was very windy too.  I’ve gotten previews of my photos back and I’m a bit disappointed because of the lighting, but it’s not the photographer’s fault that the weather sucked.  I spent the first couple of days after the wedding dwelling on the weahter – something I had absolutely no control over, and it took me some time to focus on all the good.   It’s infuriating when you had a coordinator, a person that you trust to keep everything on task and on time, only to have her screw up.

I would wait until you’re a bit less emotional and definitely give her a bad review, and I’m not usually one to scream out to give people bad reviews.  But you trusted her and there was a way she could have fit the things that were missed in.  I know it won’t bring the day back, but it might make you feel better.

And I have to add, it does get better with time.  We’ve been married a little over a month and I look at our preview pics with fondness, as the photographers caught some really special moments that I didn’t realize were happening.  I’m focusing more on that (and obviously being a newlywed) than the crappy weather.

Post # 37
Member
78 posts
Worker bee

If it makes you feel better i totally forgot to walk down the aisle with my bouquet!! I walked flowerless lol and never did the toss either i forgot as well. It doesn’t matter just try to focus in the best part of your day 🙂 

Post # 40
Member
1461 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

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HisMrs2017 :  Wow, I can’t believe you had so many issues, and with basic things like announcing the bride and groom for the reception. And a smashed cake? I’d totally be raising the issues with your wedding planner and whoever else was responsible. I’m sorry that your day was tainted with disasters that could totally have been prevented. See what you can get to salvage what happened on your wedding day. Then give yourself a set period of time to be upset about it before moving on. Congratulations, I hope you and your husband will be able to laugh about this in the future and enjoy newly married life!

Post # 41
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee

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HisMrs2017 :  with all due respect, where did you find your “Wedding planner”? I mean, by PLANNER, was this someone you paid in addition to all your other vendors or was this planner provided by your venue? B/c I have to be honest, if this is someone that works at the venue, I completely understand why all this stuff was dropped. She was just looking out for the venue, and not necessarily all your wedding details. However,  if this was a planner you paid for (they typically run upwards of $1,500+) for, then this is totally unprofessional and I’d see about trying to get some sort of compensation. The fact that you were not aligned on MAJOR event timing (hair/makeup arrival and Dinner start!) makes me think that either she didn’t provide a Day of timeline, which is bizarre. Or you maybe were too busy and missed it/disregarded it? I have worked in event planning and can tell you, even seasoned vets get things wrong, the client always needs to double check things. If they are hands off and provide no feedback, we move along. Sorry to be blunt but it just seems like there were too many things that you you were not aligned on, including timing of various vendors, set up, DJs, ceremony details, etc. Sounds like either you have a great case to get your $$$ back from wedding planner or a case where you misunderstood the duties of a vendor-supplied coordinator.

 

Again, saying that you “talk everyday up until the wedding” isn’t necessarily sufficient. What did you get in writing? What did you sign off on? I honestly cannot understand how she started setting up too late — what time did she say she’d be there if you had it at 8am? Not blaming you I’m trying to wrap my mind around how the standard wedding dances (first dance, father-daughter, mother-son) weren’t included in a day of timeline and that as a professional planner, she did not oversee the timing of those dances & communicate w DJ on your behalf. Planners work based on checklists and schedules, this stuff should not have been missed if it was on your day of timeline! 

Like other PPs said, it’s a day. Weddings are too overblown. Hopefully you got some good pics and good memories out of it.

Post # 42
Member
1379 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2017 - Seattle, WA

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bluegreyeyes :  My thoughts exactly!!  My DOC was a total life-saver and never at any point did she not have my day-of timeline in hand.  OP, I’m very sorry this happened but I, too, am confused by how these things were missed.  Were the rose & unity ceremonies not in the officiant’s ceremony script?

Honestly even though my wedding went “as planned” I still have some major things that really bother me about that night, and I try not to spend much time thinking about it because it makes me feel anxious.  It’s a reaction I never expected to have, which is weird.  Now that a few months have passed and I have my wedding album (which I love), I feel better about the memories. I still haven’t watched the wedding video, I’ll probably wait until our 1 yr anni.  Good luck OP!

ETA: I’ve never heard of all of the vendors being through the coordinator…even if she found them for your, wouldn’t you still need to sign contracts, etc?  And decide if you like their work before agreeing to use them?  I’m a little confused by this part, and the fact that you don’t have their contract info.  Seems a bit shady on the part of the coordinator if this is true.

Post # 43
Member
2091 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

You are entitled to your feelings. Frankly, no one wants anything to go wrong on their day. I posted a list of the things that went wrong on my day on the bee for example: Cousin who was to walk me down the aisle showed up late, so other cousin walked me down, DH brother/best man did not show, he was unresponsive close to the wedding so DH asked his other brother to be Bridesmaid or Best Man and his friend was his Groomsmen, some people no-showed who RSVP’d and even begged for an invitation to an intimate wedding (just to name a few). You have no choice but to roll with the punches and make the best of these situations. Despite all of that, I had a ball!!! No one could steal my joy that day because I was marrying my beloved… You will look back on this and at a minimum be ok with it, at a maximum you will laugh wholeheartedly. You can always have a vow renewal for an anniversary! Good luck to you!

Post # 44
Member
1806 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m just going to cut to the chase–you experienced some serious bullshit. And since it just happened (and since it happened period), you have every right to feel sad and upset. I know it was just one day but honestly that’s part of the problem, isn’t it?? That you just got that ONE day for everything to come out right! I get it. I really do. And it’s frustrating because it’s out of your control. I think so many of us have bullshit on the day of or leading up to our weddings so you are in good company. I don’t even have great photos LOL–my hair came out pretty clumpy (so much for curls) and the photographer just HAD to do sunset photos so my makeup was 4 hours old (read as: non-existent and the MUA didn’t stick around to do touch ups). We didn’t get to eat. I had to coordinate my own cake cutting (was told by the planner that she would be there every step of the way to coordinate the day of–nope). I set up every last thing on my own with minimal help and was stressed to the max.

BUT…it was kind of like shitty pizza–still pretty darn good. I’m married! Woo hoo! And there was fun stuff in between the faux pas. I think the shock of the shittiness will get better as you get further away from the day. And there’s always vow renewals!! An excuse to go to Hawaii and get married in a flowy dress in front of a waterfall (that’s what I’m gonna do).

In the meantime, guess what else I’d do?? Give the WORST reviews ever to the people who deserve it. The DJ argued with your husband? The Knot, WeddingWire, BBB, Consumer Affairs, Yelp and Google readers would like to know!! Don’t let another bride make the same mistake!! Same goes for your so-called “planner.” Make sure everyone knows how she REALLY was…I read so many reviews before I chose my vendors!!! These people rely on their reputations and if they do a bad job, well…they get a bad review. It’s the least they can expect for damaging the image of your day.

I’m sorry, bee. I’m praying for excellent pictures for you that don’t show any stress of the day!!

Post # 45
Member
5783 posts
Bee Keeper

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Gsxr06 :  I love everything about this post. Empathy, humour & a kickass attitude 🙂

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