Post # 1
Fiance and I are 15 weeks pregnant and we just got engaged. We’ve been together for nearly 3 years now and he was planning a proposal in the new year before I had even made him aware of the pregnancy. Before I was pregnant I did fantasize about having an idyllic country wedding out at his grandmother’s, which we talked about quite often! However, with a baby on the way (due in July) I guess my perception of my wedding has shifted. We definitely want to be married before the baby is born so we decided on going to the courthouse in March. At this point, I want to nix the whole wedding idea and instead have a 200 guest reception this fall after the baby is born. My father owns a restaurant and he offered to host the entire party for us and our guests! It would be informal attire and I would probably just wear something I can wear again later like a maxi-dress. I live in southeast Texas so the weather here is still pretty warm in the fall.
A few people in both of our families continue to bug us about having a small ceremony next month but, ugh, to me that just sounds like a pain. Especially when I have a baby shower to plan soon which I’m more excited about than anything else! How can I get our families to back off and just let us do what WE want to do since this is ultimately our decision? We have quite some time to plan an ideal reception and it’s not like we’re eloping! Both families know and are very supportive of our decision to get married before the baby is born but planning a wedding right now (even a small one) is FAR from anything I have the energy for.
Post # 2
We did almost the exact same thing and it was amazing! I think the best way is to just be firm. Just a short statement you repeat every time they pester you about it. Eventually they will realize its not their decision and you are doing what’s best for your family.
We have zero regrets and had such a fun time just the two of us getting married and then again at a casual party in our barn!
Post # 3
If you don’t have the energy to plan a small wedding right now then don’t! The big reception in the fall sounds awesome! Congrats on your pregnancy! Don’t do anything you don’t feel up to doing. Just explain that you have a lot of planning to do with the baby.
Post # 4
There’s always a compromise. Are the people in the family who want a small ceremony close to you? Parents? Siblings? How many people are you allowed to have at the courthouse? I know my Mom amd grandmother would have been very sad not to be at my wedding.
Did I misunderstand what you said about planning your own baby shower? These are hosted by someone else. You would be the guest of honor not the planner/host.
Post # 5
My grandmother, aunts and mother have already offered to plan the baby shower, sorry. I should have specified. But I’m kind of a control freak so I’ll want to help out a little bit.
Also, the only people really concerned about a small ceremony are his family. My mom did suggest something but she understands my dilemma and she’s backed down. My grandmother is very very traditional and she thinks we should’ve gotten married like, yesterday, lol since we have the baby on the way. The only people pushing anything at this point are his mother, aunt and grandmother. I’m very close to all three of them and we all get along fabulously but they’re kinda causing some unwanted stress here. For the courthouse ceremony we plan to have my grandmother, my mother and his parents be there as witnesses so they won’t be missing out on anything. Since my father offered the reception at his restaurant for whenever we want to have it I thought that would appease my future mother-in-law, her mother and her sister. However, they just want to push it forward! I’m also in two weddings in April and May so there’s just NO time to plan a small ceremony or anything for that matter. I have something big planned every month until the baby is born. When all settles after this summer I think that would be more ideal to have something but my family (mine and his!) can be VERY pushy and stubborn at times!
Post # 6
what about just doing a family dinner? doesn’t have to be something big – just immediate families (so ppl at the courthouse and your siblings)? or just cake and a champagne toast at your IL house afterwards?
If you want to just do something with the 2 of you (or nothing at all) then its ok too … I just get family being excited and wanting to be part of it
Post # 7
Just what I was going to suggest!
It seems like maybe they just want to help celebrate with you. I know several people who had a courthouse wedding with their immediate families in attendance, and then went to a low-key dinner or back to someone’s house for dessert. It gives them a chance to be part of and celebrate your wedding, and it doesn’t have to be anything fancy. I think this option would help appease them.
Also, if you’re inviting YOUR grandmother to the ceremony, you should invite his as well, especially as it sounds like she wants to be there. The aunt is your call (but I’d personally invite her to avoid drama).
Post # 8
Well, the only reason I’m inviting my grandmother to the ceremony is because I still live with her presently and I moved in with her after my grandfather passed away in 2011. She helped me out a bunch after I graduated from college and we’ve always had an immensely close relationship. Fiance knows how close I am with my grandmother and there was a while when my mother and I did not get along too well. Of course, I wouldn’t mind inviting his grandmother and I will most certainly leave that up to him. My parents are both divorced and FI’s are still together so we really wanted to just keep the ceremony small (i.e. two people from each side: his mother & father, my grandmother & mother).
Since I posted this my grandmother actually offered to host a small dinner at her house including those who won’t be at the ceremony: FI’s grandmother, aunt & uncle, mother & father, his sister & brother IL, my mother & stepfather, father & stepmother, my aunt & uncle as well as my brother. So I think that will solve the dilemma for those who feel they had been left out. We’ll still plan to have the big party at my father’s restaurant this fall and I think that will further appease the masses.