- 10 years ago
If someone posts about a wedding decision they’re thinking about making (dress, DIY, etiquette, family issues, etc), and you think it’s a bad idea, do you tell her, or do you just say “It’s your wedding, do whatever you want!”
I struggle with this sometimes, because there is logic for both sides. If someone is sharing the wedding dress she just bought, you probably don’t write that it looks bad on her. On the other hand, maybe if I’m posting a pics of a dress and deciding whether to buy it or not, I would want to hear whether people think I look bad in it.
It seems to me that the answer to many wedding dilemmas on the Bee tends to be “It’s your wedding, do whatever you want.” Which is a real testament to the openness of the community, and works well if someone is looking for support/affirmation. But I know that I personally usually look for honest feedback about whether an idea is good or not. I know that it’s my wedding and I can do whatever I want, but what I want isn’t necessarily a good idea. I mean, we’re all human, right? And we all have bad ideas that we might think are great until someone points out the flaw. (Example: I accidentally chose outfits for my BMs that would have made them look like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, and if a Bridesmaid or Best Man didn’t hastily point that out, I wouldn’t have noticed at all). We could do it anyway because it’s our wedding, but do we want to? Again, for me, I have had so many ideas that turned out to be impractical or tasteless, and I am so grateful that family, friends, or fellow posters on message boards have pointed them out to me.
So when I reply to posts, I try to be honest (“Yes, you could do X or Y, but as a guest, I would consider that rude”) (“It’s your choice to do this, but I think you might regret it because…”). But I’m thinking maybe I’m in the minority and most bees aren’t looking for someone to shoot down their idea but rather have made up their minds already and just want some support.
So I thought I would ask you all: when you guys post about decisions you are making, are you usually looking for support only, or honest feedback that could be both positive and negative? And does the answer change by topic (example: It’s ok if you tell me I’m wrong in a family dispute, but not when I post my dress or DIY project).