(Closed) Weddingbee Etiquette Question

posted 10 years ago in Weddingbee
  • poll: What do you generally look for when you post about wedding drama/dilemmas/etc
    Support : (3 votes)
    4 %
    Positive and Negative Feedback : (33 votes)
    49 %
    Depends on the topic : (32 votes)
    47 %
  • Post # 3
    1981 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I think you’ll get a lot of “depends on the topic” in this poll. I agree–sometimes I have to just say what I think about certain things. Like in the non-matching bridesmaid dress post, I HATED the SATC dresses because to me, they looked too mis-matched. But I posted that because I knew that it wasn’t someone’s wedding and they wouldn’t take it personally; it’s all about when to do it, I think. And if you read the post and think “I think they’re looking for advice,” then post advice away, definitely. Sometimes we all need a fresh opinion in the “heat of the battle.”

    Post # 4
    2561 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I want to get the positive and negative … usually when I post I am thinking about something I am not sure yet and need to be swayed in either direction.

    Post # 5
    8351 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2011

    I like honest feedback, so I try to give honest feedback to the posts that I post on. If I can’t think of anything nice to say, I just don’t post. I also appreciate the supportive side of the bees, so I give as much honest support that I can.

    The reason I don’t say anything sometimes is because I get a feel from the post that it may hurt the poster’s feelings and I never want to do that.

    Also, if someone wants to do something or has done something for their wedding, it may just be that it isn’t my style, but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t look good. For example, I am not a fan of tattoos at all, but someone posted their shoes with their foot in them and there was a tattoo. I was very surprised because even though it wasn’t my style and I don’t like tattooes, it looked awesome.

    Post # 6
    3538 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I tend to post on things that I feel comfortable with. Say if I didnt like someones style and I dont have a constructive criticism t, then I wouldnt really comment.
    ..or if someone else has already weighed in on what I feel then i wont post again. No need to reiterate it twice.

    Post # 8
    2765 posts
    Sugar bee

    If someone asks for feedback, I’ll let them know what I think (as diplomatically as possible, if I don’t agree with them).

    Otherwise, I’ll not comment or focus on being supportive…

    Post # 9
    950 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I want positive and negative feedback…but always worded in a supportive way.  I think that’s possible & when I post or comment, that’s what I try to do…often making sure to revise/edit BEFORE posting. 

    Additionally, IRL I try not to give advice unless it’s first asked for…here on the ‘Bee, there are certain posts that are asking for advice & others that just vent.  On the advice ones, I feel free to give either positive or negative feedback, but on vent ones, I try to post only if I actually support the actions of the OP or feel the same way & wish to comiserate.

    But I especially like ones like yours that just openly ask my opinion…not asking for my “judgment”, nor judging my opinion.  I think that’s what makes being on the ‘Bee so enjoyable/addictive!

    Post # 10
    1465 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    My take on the boards is that I’d like to hear the bad along with the good. But unlike other communities, you can do so very tactfully without hurting feelings or cutting people down. That’s what sets WeddingBee apart from the rest is that there is that there is openness that doesn’t go out of its way to hurt anyone. At the same time, while the community is so supportive of each other, some posters may be afraid to say that something isn’t flattering or practical because they don’t want to hurt any feelings. The trick is finding the balance between the two.

    Post # 11
    7975 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I try really, really hard to be honest. But the more emotional the poster sounds, the more kind I try to make my words, if that makes sense.

    I also try to avoid overgeneralizing/assuming – a lot of responses to emotional posts that I see seem to have a lot of assumptions — i.e. the “Oh your Fiance yelled at you about something? He must be abusive and you need to leave now, don’t deny it, denial is part of the problem!” and I think that can be detrimental because a lot of times when we (I) vent, we (I) have a tendancy to overstate things or overreact just out of emotion. And I’d hate to see someone get hurt just because they needed a place to vent before calming down and facing a situation rationally.

    Post # 12
    1119 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2009

    I appreciate honest feedback. When I post, it’s almost always about things I’m not sure about, so I’m really looking for advice because I’m too close to be objective anymore. When you’re in that situation, hearing “it’s your wedding, do what you want” isn’t very helpful.

    That being said, I also fall into the trap of not commenting on certain posts because I don’t want to be negative. Sometimes you can easily tell from the original post that the individual is really excited about whatever it is they’re posting, so I don’t want to rain on their parade. If I get the sense that they’re really looking for honest feedback, I’ll give it, but if I’m not sure I won’t say anything.

    Post # 13
    331 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I tend to think about whether something can be reasonably changed. If someone is asking for feedback after the fact or about something that is too late to change, then there is no sense giving negative feedback. On the other hand, if someone wants opinions about something before they decide, then it makes more sense to be honest.

    Same thing applies in real life. If you ask me how you look 30 seconds before you walk into an interview, I’m going to tell you that you look great–you can’t change it now and you need confidence. If you ask me while you’re trying on outfits the night before, I’ll suggest better options.

    Post # 14
    2280 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    Positive and negative feedback is fine, as long as the negative people aren’t saying something merely out of opinion. “I don’t like that dress because it has too many pickups” isn’t going to help anyone. I’m much more likely to tell someone to do whatever the heck they want, personally. Then again, I don’t go looking for Yes and Nos, mostly encouragment, whereas other posters may want more direction.

    One of the great things about Weddingbee is its ginormous community; there are all sorts of people to balance support and feedback. 🙂

    Post # 15
    2530 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I will usually post what I think or maybe I wont post at all. If someone asks “do you like the dress I just bought” and I dont I will not post that I dont like it because that will make them second guess their decision – also many people have different styles/tastes. I dont see it necessary to tell someoene they dont look good unless, like you said, its a choice of a dress that you havent yet bought (or jewelry, veil, paper, etc)

    If I think something is rude or the bride should do something different I try to state my opinion and give other options to ease the situation at hand.

    So far I havent posted anything too controversial, but for example I posted some sample invitations and I feel like people were honest with me. They told me which one they liked the best and which one they didnt like at all. I dont know if it would have changed my decision, but since everyone liked the same one I did it reaffirmed what I had already thought.

    I think it totally depends on the post and sometimes depends on what the other users have commented already.

    Post # 16
    829 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    I want to hear both. To be honest there are times I see DIY or dresses I DO NOT LIKE AT ALL… I usually just go to the next topic unless they ask for opinions and are not bragging about what they did or bought. I do try to give my opinion good or bad… but i do hold back. I want to be supportive or honest but I noticed alot more lately people are very sensitive.

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