Post # 1
Member
26 posts
Newbee
Hi Bees 🙂 Please bare with me as I try to give some back story so that I can get your opinions!
My Fiance and I are committed to not living together until we are married. We are Christian and while that is the “main” reason for this, my daughter (adopted niece – 6 years old) is a huge factor in the decision as well. Having said that, we have been dating over a year and are looking to get married and move in together this summer. Also, we are in our mid to late 30’s so it’s not something that our parents are going to be helping with.
With the short amount of time and very little monetary resources, it will be next to impossible to do anything other than a J.O.P. (We’ve thought about backyards, etc but I still need a dress, flowers, and a cake at minimum).
I think we are both happy with taking my daughter with us and getting married by a justice of the peace and then having a ceremony/reception a year later or even 6-9 months later. We would be able to save a lot during that time and really have the type of “day” we both want. SO, what kind of ceremony / reception would that be? Can you have a “Wedding” a year after you actually got married? Would you guys be uncomfortable attending this type of event knowing that the couple was already “hitched”? Do you guys think that once you do the J.O.P. that the “need” for a wedding would diminish with daily life?
Hopefully I’ve been able to help you understand the situation and my questions. I’m so very torn by the whole thing, I literally feel like I get up with a different opinion each DAY!
Post # 3
Member
4136 posts
Honey bee
you can call the reception a “celebration of your recent marriage” if it’s within a year, an anniversary party if it’s a year later, or just call it a party.
Post # 4
Member
475 posts
Helper bee
I think having a celebration a couple of months later would be perfectly fine. But to me, it would be about this: Is your wedding about people being able to participate in the day or is it about them gathering around you to celebrate your new life together. Yes I know these really go hand in hand, but one of them is more important to you than the other. For me, it is important to have the people I love with me there on the day. Hope that helps you think through it.
Post # 5
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
You can always host a first anniversary party with a reaffirmation of your vows. That way you are acknowledging and celebrating the commitment you already made to each other 🙂
And yes, I would be comfortable attending a celebration like yours 🙂
Post # 6
Member
26 posts
Newbee
Thank you all for your responses! PopRox, this is one of the very things that is bothering us about doing the JOP thing…but especially my Fiance, really wants his close family there when we exchange vows. Here are the things, other than us starting our family, that I want to experience…a) walking down an isle (being presented to him) b) a real wedding dress c) a part of the ceremony where he commits to being my daughter’s “forever Daddy” d) a wedding cake.
I’ve heard of a covenant ceremony, but it seems that doing this means that you didn’t feel that your marriage was acknowledged by God before…
Post # 7
Member
227 posts
Helper bee
I really like MrsTimber’s suggestion. I think that would be perfect! =)
My FI’s good friend did the JOP thing and had a ‘real’ wedding over a year later though too. But it was weird because it was supposed to be some huge secret that they already were married (the girl’s parents weren’t too fond of the guy) and the parents still think that was their actual wedding (I thought it was awful that it was so deceitful!).
Clearly, yours wouldn’t be anything like that, but I still like the idea of the re-affirmation better. I think the ‘real’ wedding a year later would almost cheapen your first vows (like you’d be saying they weren’t somehow good enough or something), whereas a re-affirmation would celebrate them (that’s not coming out quite right, but hopefully you know what I mean!). 🙂
Post # 8
Member
26 posts
Newbee
Thanks Ambrocked! I really like the reaffirmation idea as well! I didn’t want to call it a “renewal” after only one year! And you’re right, we wouldn’t be hiding our orignial marriage date, in fact I’m planning on changing my name directly after. I’ve had some “live” feedback that hasn’t been so positive about not having ppl there this summer AND about having ppl attend a year later…it’s really distressing and almost makes me and Fiance ready to ELOPE! =)
Post # 9
Member
227 posts
Helper bee
I think people should be proud of you for doing what you feel that you NEED to do right now to honor your beliefs and your daughter and for being responsible enough to wait on the things you WANT to do until you can realistically afford them! That’s tough to do, and a lot of people would say the heck with one or the other and move in together anyway or spend outside of their means and have a wedding they couldn’t afford. So keep your chin up, and know that those who truly love you will be thrilled to celebrate your marriage with you whenever you choose to do so. =)
Post # 10
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
- Wedding: August 2011 - Blossom Heath
My friend and her husband had a 1 year anniversary renewal ceremony because they like you didn’t get to do the wedding that they wanted.
I would definitely attend (I was her hostess) and dance the night away.