- 4 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
My partner [K] and I picked out an engagement ring together because he wanted to have the ring for the proposal but was also too worried that he’d pick something I didn’t like. He proposed a month later on my [deceased] nan’s birthday [she had been looking forward to planning an OTT wedding for me since I was little because my parents eloped] so it was his way of including her. It was such a perfect time.
Until his dad [Brian] and his older sister [Kate] got involved. Despite my best efforts, Kate and I have never got along. She gets angry if she feels like all eyes aren’t on her. She has been with her boyfriend for approximately six years and though she is desperate to get married, he has no intention of proposing any time soon, which he is very vocal about. So I knew that she would be upset by our news, and I tried to be understanding. But since our engagement she has gone out of her way to cause fights within our families, has ignored me and during the rare times where she will acknowledge I exist, she accuses me of trying to ‘steal’ her brother away from her. Family is the most important thing to me so there is no way I would want to split up a family.
Seeing as Kate and I do not get along at all, I decided that I did not want her to be in my bridal party. I wanted to include girls who I love and share this amazing time with them, not someone who hates me and wants to create as much drama as possible. I have asked some of my cousins and my brother’s long time partner to be in my party, which has made Kate worse. I knew it would, but there’s no pleasing her anyway.
My parents and K’s mum [his parents are divorced] have been amazing. They are doing all they can to help us with this wedding. Brian on the other hand volunteered to pay for the drinks at the wedding and then whinged about what he has to pay even though it is nowhere near what anyone else is paying for or helping out with. He even called the place where we are getting married and having our reception, and tried to change the package we had booked – he even tried to change the date! Without saying anything to us! And just to make it clear, the amount he has to pay isn’t ridiculously high. He also calls me ‘Taylah’, which is the name of K’s ex-girlfriend, which is hurtful.
Brian has demanded that K’s mother [Lynne] not be allowed to bring her partner [Glen] to the wedding. Lynne and Glen have been together for ten years now and have a daughter together [Maya] who is our flowergirl. Glen has contributed a lot already to our wedding plans and has mentioned that he can’t wait to see K and Maya on the big day. I don’t think Glen should have to miss out because Brian wants it that way. The plan has been to keep them separate because I know Brian will have to make an immature comment/cause a scene.
He has also been calling K at least once a fortnight to say things along the line of: ‘I am disappointed in the direction your life is going’ [we just bought our house, planning to get married, start a family], ‘You are a lost cause’, ‘I am ashamed to call you my son’, ‘I no longer tell people I meet that I have a son’, ‘I don’t want to think of you as my son any more’, etc.
So instead of looking forward to our wedding, I am just dreading all the drama Kate and Brian are more than likely going to cause. K is also very upset and embarrassed by it. Part of me wishes Brian and Kate weren’t attending because I want our wedding to be about K and I, not Brian and Kate’s drama. As I said before, family is the most important thing to me, but my family is very supportive of one another. I hate seeing K being let down by his father and sister, but I have tried to stay neutral. K has mentioned a few times that he is considering not inviting Kate and Brian to our wedding. I am not sure if I should encourage this thinking? I don’t want him to look back and regret not having them there, but they really do go out of their way to let him down.
Am I over-reacting? What would you do in this situation?