Post # 1
This is my first post, and it’s long. I’m sorry, please don’t hate me!
My future hubs and I have a dilemma, and I knew that you bees would have the best advice for us. We are getting married on Friday June 21st, 2013 and that’s where our planning has met its first speed bump. I’m the type to run off and elope, while my darling dearest is the type to want a more traditional wedding and reception. We both agree that the whole focus of the day should be the marriage, and not just a party. The thing is, we have a ton of people who have already told us they would be offended if they weren’t invited to our wedding. This leaves 3 options in our book:
A). Suck it up and find the courage (and monetary resources) to have the type of wedding everyone else expects.
B). Suck it up and elope, praying that no one we know attacks us in our sleep… or severs the friendship, ya know. Whatever is easier for them.
C). Have a 200 person wedding ceremony, but not have a reception due to costs and the fact that I’d have to be super medicated to endure a 200 person reception. (I’m introverted. Sorry bout it.)
As far as we’re concerned, option c sounds the best to us as far as compromising goes. That way people can still come and share what, to us, is the most important day. After that, people will have time to enjoy their night since we live in a fairly entertaining city, and the hubby and I can chill with our families.
Am I being too difficult?
Should I just cave and give everyone what they want?
Any help would be appreciated!
Post # 3
Have the wedding that YOU AND YOUR HUBBY want to have. Its your day, your paying for it. There are tons of people that want to come to my eedding, but finances dont allow it. So some folks just arent getting invited. Theyll get over it. Dont let anyone make you feel bad for not inviting them or make you feel like you have to invite them.
Post # 4
it sounds like you really don’t want a big wedding at all and that you would just being doing it to make others happy. It’s your day (you and your fiance) and you should do what you want. It sounds like you’d be okay with a small family wedding, a compromise with what your fiance wants to your eloping. Why not just do that?
People will be upset, but really, they’ll get over it. I thought that some of my friends were going to be upset when I finally decided on an immediate family only wedding. But, most of my friends were supportive of my decision, even my friend whom I had already asked to be my matron of honor. I had one friend and her husband who said they were “going to hijack my wedding” and plan it inexpensively just so that they could be there.
You said you were an introvert and the idea of a huge wedding is really stressful for you. Your real friends will know and understand this. Yes, they will be upset, but they’ll get over it. I was definitely sad when I found out a friend got married, but I got over it and we’re still friends.
The day is not at all about what other people want, but it’s what you want and how you want to celebrate the love between the two of you. I know someone on another board who is just doing the big ceremony and then riding off with her husband to wine country. No reception, just a ceremony.
Post # 5
I’ve never heard of having a big ceremony but no reception. I do know that it’s considered poor etiquette to invite people to the ceremony but not to the reception, if you are having both. I’m not sure if this extends to the idea of inviting people to the ceremony but not having any kind of reception.
Personally I think the reverse is more common and makes more sense–have a tiny ceremony (maybe just the two of you) and then have a reception for everyone. The reception is where a lot of the wedding “stuff” comes into play: cake, dances, etc. So this may satisfy your fiance’s wish for the traditional wedding.
I understand how you feel, though. We are both introverted and decided to elope, but we are taking a lot of flak for it from some of our friends and family, so we may give in and have a reception.
Post # 6
If what is important to you is the marriage, just run away. Everyone will forgive you. Eventually 🙂
Post # 7
My fiance and I had a similar issue but we decided to have a smaller wedding (only 80 guests). I’m sure some people are unhappy about that and there have been a few awkward “you’re not invited” conversations, but it was worth it. A smaller wedding was a compromise between the big party he wanted to have and the eloping with a great trip I wanted to have.
Post # 8
We wanted to elope, but we ended up having a small wedding (20 guests), which would be another option. You might just do parents, siblings, nieces and nephews, and a handful of long time friends only. No one has the right to be offended at not getting an invite, just as you don’t have a right to be offended if someone declines.
If a small wedding is going to lead to a barrage of complaints, (i.e. your mother complaining the whole time because her sister isn’t invited), I would go with the eloping and let anyone who wants to complain plan (and pay for) the party they think you should have.
Post # 9
In the end, it’s your day, so have the wedding you want. Don’t worry about making others happy, because people will always find something to complain about.
Post # 10
Elope somewhere nice and invite people if they want to come. You won’t need to pay anything and most people won’t want to take the trip.
Post # 11
You need to add another option to your poll:
Ignore people who say they will be offended and invite the people you want to invite.
Eloping completely disregards your FI’s wishes. Having a 200 person wedding disregards your wishes. How about a 30 person ceremony followed by a reception at a restaurant? Low key, intimate, etc.
Post # 12
Option C is a no go. It is beyond rude to have a ceremony and not a reception. People will have MUCH more to say about that than an elopment, I promise you that. Is it the cost or the people aspect? The cost aspect could be easily worked out especially since you are having a Friday wedding. Have a late ceremony and a dessert reception or heck a cake and punch reception in the church hall. If you really want to elope then to heck with everyone else and do it!
Post # 13
People are always going to be mad. If you go for Option C, people will be bit*ching about how there’s no reception. Option A) will be the least offensive I suppose but trust me, it’s really not worth the money and stress of having a big wedding. I would actually support your elopement plans- I mean, if you invite no one, it is better than inviting some and not others! No one can complain;)
Upon arriving home, just have a simple meet up with drinks or a backyard barbeque or nothing at all