(Closed) Weddings don’t matter?

posted 6 years ago in 40 Something
Post # 3
Member
9483 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@speechgal44:  I’m not 40, but speaking to people who are older or have been married for years tell me the same.  I had an issue with our wedding plans so I was depressed about it for awhile.  A lot of people were telling me that weddings are overrated, expensive, and not worth the money anymore.  They suggested a small, intimate wedding (like we are doing now) or just hopping over to the courthouse to the JOP.  They also suggested going to a restaurant with a few people and having a fun time.  Most of the people I spoke to said to worry about the honeymoon, getting our feet on the ground, etc.  So it’s really not uncommon to hear this, but do what you want and how you want to.  No one is going to care otherwise.

Post # 4
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Love should always be celebrated. I might be put off if someone was having a second wedding and wanted a big registry and was asking anyone to contribute money to it, but other than that rock on. The people who are happy for you will be there. Just because you’re in your 40’s doesn’t mean you don’t get a wedding, sheesh!

Post # 5
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Are you talking to these people about being stressed out about the cost of the wedding? Or the amount of planning that goes in it?

They may be trying to help assuage your stresses by saying what really matters at the end of the day is that you are married to the one you love. 

I greatly enjoyed my wedding and am glad I put all the effort into it that I did, however it was only one day and is not worth driving yourself crazy over because at the end of the day it is the marriage that *really* matters, rather than the wedding day.

I hope that makes sense.

Post # 6
Member
907 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@speechgal44:  

ugh tell them to go bite something!! Congrats on ure engagement I am in my 20s and have had older ppl say this to me as well. What can u do ppl suck sometimes, sometimes they can just think about what they can do with the money in their lives instead of a wedding and are trying to help u out in a wierd way. Just focus on what the day means to u and ure SO.

Post # 8
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Regardles of your age, you deserve a beautiful wedding to celebrate the love you have found and the family & bond you are creating. Maybe these people regret their big weddings or didn’t enjoy them…

It is true that the important part in the long run is the marriage & not the wedding but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve your big day!

Good luck & congrats…

Post # 9
Member
9674 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Hi, I’m almost your age (44) and this will be my second wedding.  My first was at age 20 and was an elaborate affair – the expensive satin designer dress that cost thousands, long train, long veil, in a huge cathedral with 350 guests.  I was divorced many years after that.  Now I am planning a wedding with my best friend and the love of my life and we’ve decided to go a different route from a huge affair.  However, when he first asked me to marry him he said, “Will you please wear a beautiful white dress for me?  I’ve never had a real bride before.”  His first took place in a courthouse and he said he’d always felt cheated that he never got to experience a real wedding or honeymoon.  So we are planning a small, simple garden wedding with only very close friends and family.  And I’ll be wearing a white wedding dress but it’s very simple and fine for the garden theme. 

I’m telling you all this to say – go with your heart and your FI’s heart.  Don’t even listen to other people’s negativity.  FI and I are lucky that we’ve been surrounded by much love and support, everyone thinks we’re perfect for each other and are about to pop with happiness for us; we’ve had nothing but help and no drama as far as the wedding goes (so far, lol).

Don’t let anyone change your mind about what would work best for you.  If you want a large, wonderful wedding, go for it!  Nobody can take away the memories you’ll have.  I honestly am kind of glad I experienced the large, expensive, glamorous wedding of my dreams at a very young age, but what is even better to me is that now I am marrying for the deepest love imaginable, that I don’t think I was even capable of feeling when I was that young.  And I’m marrying a better man this time, by far. 

Just picture your dream wedding in your mind and go about working towards fulfilling your dream.  It’s your life, nobody else’s.

Post # 10
Member
1755 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

You’re not ridiculous at all!  Wanting to celebrate is perfectly understandable and acceptable.  I’m 39 and will either be married around or after my 40th.  I feel there’s nothing wrong with wanting a wedding with all the trimmings, especially when you haven’t been married before! 

Post # 11
Member
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Dear bee, i am with my now Fiancée for 7 years now and between the two of us we have 5 kids. Our baby is 4 years old :-). Anyway, i am turning 40 in May and he’s 12 years older than me. We never married before. We have a very special, romantic relationship, one that deserves a big family gathering to celebrate our official union. Yes, i want to be his wife and i want the entire world to know it. It’s a statement, really..”This is the man i chose to grow old with and i will care for him in every circunstance”. I guess my family, gigving the type of relationship me and fiancée have, may have expected us to get marry..just NOT like this! They presumed a quiet travel to the local office and then a lunch at a restaurant and that was it..NOT for me!!!!! I am a bride, just as you are and we are entitled to dream as much as we want. So, yes to the dress, and to the Maid/Matron of Honor and ringbearer and the bouquet, the aisle, the music, the reception and the favours..

Post # 12
Member
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Oh, other people are just full of advice for us, aren’t they? 

My family and his are delighted and want us to do whatever we want. But I’m finding – with every set of things that are different for the over 40 crowd – a sense that we’re not supposed to want the nice things.

The question here is, do YOU think a wedding matters? Because if it matters to you, it matters. 

Post # 14
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@speechgal44:  Is it possible to have a fancier church service (big dress, nice pictures) and then a less formal (but still somewhat dressy) backyard reception? I do think you should get a nice wedding since it’s your first, but there should still be elements of what your fiance wants as well, it’s his wedding too even if he’s already done the big wedding before.

Post # 15
Member
9674 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@speechgal44:  He needs to be happy too, it’s also his wedding so you can’t just disregard how he feels.  Both of your opinions matter, of course. 

Although our wedding will be in a backyard garden we’re not sacrificing the “nice” part, we want it romantic and lovely.  Everyone will be dressed in formal attire, my Fiance will be wearing a suit and we’re building an arbor to decorate with white lights.  We’ll be hanging white lights in all of the trees and putting tea lights around because we’re getting married at dusk.  We want the ambiance to be romantic and magical because that’s what our relationship is like.  We’re having the reception indoors in his mother’s dining room because it’s perfect for that, very large with lovely antique furniture and a huge dining table, the cake and food will be arranged by his sister, who just happens to be a wedding caterer, lucky me. 

So you don’t have to sacrifice elegance and beauty just because your wedding is outdoors.  Can you come up with a compromise?  We’re not spending a ton on our wedding, probably no more than $3,500, because we want the best honeymoon possible and plan to splurge for that.  We’re saving a lot by not having to pay for a venue and getting a huge discount on the cake and reception.  My dress was only $400, so was his suit.  I’m getting flowers from a local market and will get whatever is in season, I’m not too picky about that. 

There are ways to have a very nice wedding that you’ll love and enjoy and will be more special than just a “backyard barbecue” type of thing.  I understand your not wanting to go so casual as people to be wearing shorts, it is your wedding, after all. 

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