- 8 years ago
- Wedding: December 2013
It’s less than 3 months until my wedding…and I’m dreading it. All the same, I don’t regret the wedding that I’ve planned despite the (ever increasing) anxiety that it’s causing me. Because it’s not about me, it’s not even about us; it’s about family.
I don’t have a single moment of hesitation about marrying my fiance, but I don’t want the wedding that we’ve planned. I am an extremely introverted person – not shy, but introverted, and the thought of the ENTIRE WEEK of wedding festivities that my fiance’s family has planned is giving me nightmares. Literally.
Am I posting a radical idea? I have read so many wedding posts/blogs/articles about how to get around family and society and “the wedding industry” telling you what you “should” have so that you get the day you WANT to have. I don’t think they’re right. There are things that are more important than what we want. Here are a couple important ones that have shaped our wedding plans:
1. That we don’t hurt anyone. I would love to have a wedding with just my fiancé, me, and a witness, but that’s not the kind of life we lead. I come from a huge, close, loving family, and they would be hurt to be excluded. They would let me do it, and they wouldn’t criticize me for it, but they would be hurt.
2. That we give something back. Our parents and our families have given and given and given to us for 28 years now – this is an opportunity to do something for them. For example – it’s very important to my parents to have a Catholic ceremony. My fiancé and I aren’t religious, and we would rather not do this…but their opinions matter too.
I don’t know if this is the right approach for other people to take, and I can say FOR SURE that it isn’t a comfortable one for me. But the last year has proven to me that this was the right approach for us. Our families have both had a rough year; in our immediate families alone, there have been struggles with drug addiction, mental illness, congestive heart failure, and a debilitating illness that has not yet been diagnosed. Our crazy, ridiculous, over the top church wedding with 250 people on the invite list has given our families something to look forward to—a reason to stay sober; a reason fight through the illness and make it to the next day; and something fun to talk about and look forward to when things have been tough. The wedding has brought us all closer together, which is ultimately what I think it should do.
Has anyone else taken this approach to planning? Are there articles/posts/blogs out there about this point of view? If there are, please post them!