- 5 years ago
- Wedding: April 2014
***Warning: this is a huge rant. I’m sorry in advance to anyone who reads this all the way through!***
I mentioned this in another post but I’m getting increasingly bothered about the fact that friends have booked their wedding to be five days after ours and, even though they personally delivered their invitations, they have not said anything to us about it being so close to our wedding.
I know that it’s common for weddings to be planned for similar times but I always thought it was a bit rude to have a wedding within a week of someone else’s if the guest list will be very similar.
The background: Our friendship circle consists of about 10 couples. About half of us have been friends since high school and the rest of us since university (we’re all close to 30 now). We see each other most weekends and are all quite close. Three couples live overseas. Of the three couples overseas, one will be our best man and Maid/Matron of Honor, one couple probably can’t afford to come home for our wedding and the other couple are the ones who I’m complaining about (let’s call them ‘S&P’).
We booked our venue and sent out our Save-The-Date Cards a week before S&P got engaged. We chose our date because it was the most convenient for our overseas friends, even though I would have preferred a wedding many months sooner and in better weather.
S&P got married overseas 3 weeks after their engagement for visa reasons in the presence of immediate family. They have not exchanged rings, changed their Facebook status from ‘engaged’ or said vows beyond the minimum legally required to get married because they’ll have a second wedding when they come home. She wore a white wedding dress, they had flowers and a bouquet, they signed a certificate, they did the whole ‘don’t see the bride before the wedding’ thing, they celebrated with family and then went on a ‘mini-honeymoon’. She has referred to him as her husband in Facebook posts. And they are legally married.
They have booked an interstate venue that is a 12-hour drive away, which is very inconvenient for us (re: honeymoon). It is in the country and everyone has to pay for expensive Easter weekend accommodation (lots of places have a minimum 4 night stay at this time of year). It’s on a Thursday so everyone has to take at least 2 days off work to attend, too. They are just getting a friend (who is not a celebrant or religious or anything) to ‘marry’ them the second time.
They chose the date so that the overseas couple attending our wedding could come to theirs, too, but that couple will be here for 3 weeks so it didn’t have to be that close.
It’s not rational but I feel like our much-smaller ceremony and celebration is getting lost in theirs and it’s disappointing. It also feels like they used our wedding to ensure that the overseas couple can make it but in doing so, didn’t care if that meant that we couldn’t make it because of our honeymoon.
And the main thing is that we’ve spoken quite a bit, both before and after they planned their date and location. Not once have they acknowledged the fact that their wedding is close to ours. It would have been really easy to say, “Hey, I know our weddings are really close but it was the only date we could do it. Thanks for being understanding.”
I want them to know that we would have planned our wedding REALLY differently if we’d known what they were going to do.
I want them to know that we think they’ve been rude and our feelings are hurt.
I want them to know that they’ve seriously disrupted our honeymoon plans.
The more I think of it as being their SECOND wedding overshadowing our ONLY wedding and how many chances they’ve missed to just acknowledge that the two dates are close, the more upset about it I get.
I know they haven’t done it to be malicious. Although a nice person, the other bride is not known amongst our friends as the smartest and the other groom does tend to get pushed around by her.
I know that it just hasn’t occurred to them that what they’ve done is rude or that we might be bothered by their decision. And I’m pretty sure that they’re excited for us and planning to attend our wedding, even though it mustn’t be 100% convenient for them either.
They’re still our friends and I don’t want my bitterness to affect our friendships or either wedding. I’d like to say something but am worried I’ll get emotional or catty.
Any advice on how to let this go, please, bees? I’m getting desperate!