(Closed) Weddings too close together!

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 19
Member
7575 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Have you stopped to consider that maybe this was a way to make it work so that they could have their wedding in their home country and attend your wedding. The date maybe the only date that works for their VIP’s (like close family etc).

Personally I think you are over reacting. My Brother-In-Law set his wedding for about the same time after our wedding to take advantage of all the o/s and interstate family that were travelling to our wedding. So that guests didn’t incurr twice the travel costs of having to come to a wedding a month later. It didn’t lessen our wedding in any way.

Post # 20
Hostess
4996 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

This sounds really frustrating. However, you just said 

I know that it just hasn’t occurred to them that what they’ve done is rude or that we might be bothered by their decision. And I’m pretty sure that they’re excited for us and planning to attend our wedding, even though it mustn’t be 100% convenient for them either.

If you know they had no intention of hurting you, I think you have to let it go. It seems kind of silly to sit around, brooding, waiting for someone to apologize for something they don’t know is upsetting you. 

Post # 22
Member
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@miharu:  I totally understand your frustration but I don’t think saying anything will do anything beneficial for anyone except that you might feel an emotional release in doing so. What it definitely WILL do is make the other couple feel terrible and make BOTH of you feel awkward when you attend the other’s wedding. If there was some kind of possible change in the end result it might be worth it but since it’s not going to change anything you might just want to keep your vent to the Bee. =/

Post # 23
Member
6386 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@miharu:  I think it’s easy to get frustrated by a situation like this, but you just have to remind yourself to not compare.  Enjoy your wedding for what it is, and enjoy theirs for what it is.  Trying to compete amongst your friends for “who’s wedding is better” will only bring resentment and hurt feelings.  Hopefully you can make the best of it.

Post # 24
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Ugh I understand. They are totally piggybacking off your wedding without even discussing it. Be happy to know that the overseas people are coming for your wedding, not theirs. Enjoy your wedding and your honeymoon. Don’t worry about theirs .

Post # 25
Member
8700 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@montrealjulybride:  Hahaha, I think I might love you! That is the single most hilarious thing I have ever read!

Post # 26
Member
2248 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Disney

@montrealjulybride:  I find the notion of “princess day” insulting. Here is why many people these days have legal weddings before their celebration wedding. These reasons can include medical, immigration, miltary, etc.  The celebration wedding is also about more than the bride its about the couple. We had a legal wedding last week for medical reasons. We already booked our wedding for february. Our guests all know an approve of this decision. My maid of honor did the same thing 2 years ago, a good male friend of mine had a legal wedding in October when his wife gets here they’re having a celebration wedding next year. My husband knows countless couples from his military and current work situation who have done the same due to benefits because of the foreign long term travel situations. My guests and their guests dont see the second ceremony as a “princess day” they see it as a chance for to celebrate together something we couldnt do with the necessity of the situation. My guests in particular understand why we did what we did last week we have gotten nothing but understanding and acceptance we infact had people ask is there still going to be a ceremony in Feb. I am so sick of ettiquette snobs being little judgemental brats. I am so happy that your life went perfectly but guess what not everyone’s does and its ok to want to actually celebrate bringing two lives together, sometimes you dont get that chance right away that doesnt mean you should shove that under the rug because someone who had all their stars align says so. So while your being cranky talking about entitlements and princess day realise what you sound like pot meet kettle it sounds entitled and snotty, and I’m really tired of it.

You get one life you have every right to celebrate in that life the moments that are special, the unions that are special. That might not happen the moment that sun rises on the horizon. Frankly I feel like if you feel like second weddings shouldnt happen you also shouldnt be having birthday parties, or even celebrating birthdays on the day other than the birthday. That seems a little rediculous yes? What about celebrating graduation if it happens on a wednesday, should we not have a party on saturday?

 

View original reply
@miharu:  I am sorry these two picked their day so close to yours. That was a little selfish of them. Just remember you each really only get one celebration day. Enjoy yours love the people who come, and forget about their day. Their day can only over shadow yours if you let it. If you miss their day also dont feel guilty that was their scheduling issue and maybe they had no other choice, maybe they did but whatever happened make peace with it. If it was not intentional I’m sure you’ll hear something about it when you send your polite no thank you as a polite we are sorry but we understand. Focus on what matters you are having an amazing celebration and that is what matters.

Post # 27
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

@miharu:

Personally I wouldn’t be upset.  It’s fine that you are.  We all have feelings.  If you picked the date first and they knew you did than yes it would have been appropriate for them to say.  “Hey we are talking about having our second wedding a week after your wedding.  Is that okay?”  However they didn’t and it would be rude to say. “Hey we aren’t happy your having your second wedding so close to ours.”

With all that being said don’t let their second wedding affect your wedding and honeymoon.  Go on your honeymoon and stay on it til after their second wedding.  If they don’t understand than they aren’t worth it.

Post # 28
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@tristianelizabeth:  EXACTLY! I 100% agree with you. I don’t understand brides getting upset about dates being too close. Help each other out, bounce ideas off each other. It should be a time of celebration so make it that.

Post # 29
Member
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

@miharu:  Your situation sucks and I’m sorry, it seems like you’re getting great advice from PPs. I just wanted to hit on something that you said about the differences in your budgets– I’ve been to extravagent weddings and weddings on a shoe-string budget. I always enjoyed the budget weddings more, because the focus is on the couple not on the uplighting or monogrammed dance floor or that other superficial stuff. It’s truly about the couple and it is always obvious the time, care, thought, and sacrifice that the couple who pays for their own wedding has put in. You will have an amazing day and if show that you’re happy and completely in love on the day of your wedding, your guests will have the same feelings!

Again, I’m sorry about the situation and it sounds like there is nothing that can be done for it. Also, if their wedding is scheduled for when you want to honeymoon, just go on your honeymoon and skip their wedding. They weren’t considerate to you (seriously, of course you’d want to honeymoon afterwards!), you don’t need to continue to make sacrifices to them. Also, on a positive note, at least its not the week before your wedding 😉

Post # 30
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@dewingedpixie:  I never said that you shouldn’t have a party. Post-wedding receptions are a-ok. What’s not ok is having a do-over wedding because your first one “wasn’t meaningful” or “wasn’t fancy enough”. You don’t get to be a bride again unless you get re-married. Why? Because you’re already married!

Want to have an anniversary party and have a special blessing said for your union? Great! Parents want to throw a catered reception after your elopment? Great! Want to walk down the aisle with attendants, gift registries, bouquet tosses, and three-tier cake? That’s a PPD and people (not just etiquette snobs) will side-eye you. 

I don’t know what birthday parties and graduation parties on Wednesdays have to do with this discussion. 

Post # 31
Member
2248 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Disney

@montrealjulybride:  Well maybe your people will do that, but our guests are fine with it, and that is typical in these types of situations.There were plenty of things we did not do in the civil ceremony that we will do in the other ceremony. There are also plenty of traditional things we wont be doing in either: we felt the bouquet toss its sexist, garter toss its sexist, ring bearer pointless, etc. Before any of this train wreck happened we had spent a lot of money and time setting up a wedding. I find it very uppity for someone to say so sorry you should shell that. Especially when its OUR money, being spent on OUR Guests. GUESTS who are fine with the situation.

Frankly if you and 10,000 other people who mean nothing to me side eye me I really dont care, what does bother me is the fact that many of you attack something that was chosen or more often than not forced upon a couple. Worst is in these situations their guests are fine with it. What matters is our families and friends want this for us and maybe you should respect that. Most of these situations are not oh crap we should have had a bigger wedding lets do it again moments. They’re not hey lets do another wedding because the first wasnt satisfying. They are we had limited options at the time.

One of my closest friends is throwing a vow renewal on her 10 year aniversary because they didnt have the funds to have a full blown wedding before. Should she not do this either? No she has something to share and celebrate something she would have done 10 years ago but she was broke off her rear.

I do want to say pretty pretty princess day is pretty sexist and offensive, if you view a man and a woman who both dress up to say their vows as that for a second time then your whole idea of a large wedding is nothing more than a PPD. Sorry hate to tell you this but its truth. We and many others were not able to share our vows with those who were either invited originally, or they intended to invite. It was extremely short notice for legal purposes, and many of our guests have already made arrangements for Feb. There is nothing wrong with sharing our vows, promises, and dreams for a future with them in this capacity. So sorry if you side eye the fact I’m not going to throw out 6 months of planning and thousands already spent because life threw me a curve ball. I love my family and friends and we want to share these moments, I’m also not about to say to them oh hellz never mind forget that family reunion/vacation/wedding we planned for all of you see if you can get your money back.

As to birthdays my point is this you’re saying you get one wedding. I’m saying under those grounds you get one birthday and if you feel that way about weddings you’re a hypocrite if you’re throwing birthday celebrations on days other than the birthday. The same goes for graduations, etc.

I also want to add something you may find pretty shocking when we announced via phone and email that we were going to have a civil ceremony before the wedding due for legitimate reasons half our guests figured we would have one before the wedding anyway. The reason was we’re getting married out of state, and they figured we’d come down with papers in hand and just have our vows done there again. This is often the case with destination weddings even within the country many find it much easier to go this route than have to find a courthouse to give a license in another location. So many of our guests just shrugged and said we figured you’d go to the courthouse the month before anyway to have the license. This was a shock to us but something we had begun to discuss anyway because we’ve heard a few issues with getitng the license mail order and we weren’t sure we wanted to deal with it days before the wedding either.

One last thing as an outsider if you saw a wedding like this you would never know. So why does it matter how/when people have their celebration? This is not some type of Mariah Carey or Heidi Klum lets get married every year extravaganza. Its a we want to share this moment with you and we couldnt before.

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