Weed, trust, and boundaries – help

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
1593 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

xxxcxxx :  I don’t think there’s anything wrong with smoking weed. There’s also nothing wrong with not smoking it. But I don’t think you should have to be in therapy and on anti-anxiety medication when the answer is as simple as not dating a smoker. You deserve someone who doesn’t make you anxious and he deserves someone who isn’t trying to force him to quit when by the sounds of it, he does not want to. 

Post # 17
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee

Let me tell you what really stood out to me here: “he NEEDS weed to function at his best”, he lies to you, this is causing you to go on anti-anxiety medication. DUMP HIM!!

Did you tell your therapist exactly why you need to anxiety pills? ‘I get really upset when my boyfriend smokes pot. He lies to me about how much he smokes. He’ll never quit.’— a good therapist will tell you to cut the problem off at the source = dump him!! He’s addicted to marijuana, he’s proved he will never give it up for you. Do you want to have these mental attacks and be on medication for the rest of your life? Why is this guy so great that he’s worth your health? He’s not!!

Post # 18
Member
1369 posts
Bumble bee

Sounds like people here still think weed is a “gateway drug,” haha! Hey, there, early ’90s DARE program! Indeed… iiiiindeed. 

Regardless of the nonsense you’re hearing and have heard about weed, OP, the RELATIONSHIP isn’t working. I actually agree with MsPlucky that–if you wouldn’t need to take meds and go to therapy outside of this relationship–you shouldn’t be in this relationship anymore. 

Post # 19
Member
5564 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

I cannot believe that you were sent to cbt and put on anti anxiety meds because you have anxiety caused by your fiancé smoking marijuana. Is it illegal in your state?

Please tell me you have anxiety in general, I’m blown away that they would medicate you over this instead of telling you to leave him.

Did you tell the drs “my boyfriend smokes marijuana and it gives me panic attacks” or did you just say that you were having anxiety and panic attacks? Leaving the marijuana out of the discussion with the doctors is the only thing that would make sense to me. Unless you have really terrible doctors, or unless you have anxiety in general and it’s clinging to his marijuana use.

Post # 20
Member
212 posts
Helper bee

its not about drugs, its about his consistent lies and disrespecting of you.

give it up, move on.

Post # 21
Member
335 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

Not condoning his lying but just wondering for argument’s sake..is his behavior horribly different when he’s high?  Do you even notice?  What’s your opinion on other regularly prescribed medications, and would you have the same opinion of him taking a brand name medication daily?

Not sure what state you’re living in so I will also mention that I totally get it if part of your distaste for it is the legality.  But as far as him as a person..he’s smoked the entire time you’ve known him right?  And that’s the person you fell in love with.  If he treats you poorly or you notice he’s a lot lazier and unhealthier when he’s using then ok.  But if your disagreement with the lifestyle is all just indoctrination then that’s not really fair.

Post # 22
Hostess
9628 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

xxxcxxx :  Deal breaker. You’ve given him multiple chances and he can’t do it. Allowing him to do it once a week was exactly what he wanted. That way, he can keep paraphenalia and weed around, and if you find it he doesn’t have to come up with an excuse because “you said he could have it!” He’s probably smoking on the reg and just not telling you. 

Post # 23
Member
393 posts
Helper bee

Hold on, you’re on medication and in therapy due to your partner?? No, that’s not healthy. You deserve better than this. I’m all for giving our partners a chance but not 10years worth of chances.

Post # 24
Member
4508 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It’s simple – you are not his priority, weed is. All conversation about whether smoking weed is okay or not is irrelevant. He is putting his drug use before you. He is willing to lie to you repeatedly and cause you emotional anguish so he can keep using.

You need to find someone who will put you first and will be honest and care about your emotional well-being.

Post # 25
Member
991 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

The problem isn’t just the weed. It’s the fact he is disregarding your feelings and lying to you over and over again. He also has a problem with substance abuse. What if he was drinking a bottle of wine every single night? That wouldn’t be acceptable either.

Move on. If he is lying to you about this early on in the relationship, it won’t get better.

Post # 26
Member
1504 posts
Bumble bee

I see a couple of issues here

1 – He’s lying to you; while I would wonder why he feels it’s that necessary to lie, lying is a deal breaker

2 – If you’re having an unexplained anxiety reaction, then yes, you need to figure out why you have the visceral reaction

Post # 27
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I don’t understand why you’re having such reactions ? What if he uses other nonsmoking methods? Would that still cause a reaction?

I think he’s lying because he feels like he cannot be honest with you and maybe he doesn’t  understand why you react the way you do? Obviously, it’s no excuse and it’s not right, but I don’t think it’s out of malice …

Post # 28
Member
1064 posts
Bumble bee

I wasted 6 years of my life with a man who was addicted to weed. He and his friends (our roommates) smoked it pretty much every day.

Being in a relationship with an addict is draining. It’s constant excuses and lies. And tens of thousands of dollars wasted.

A personal pet peeve of mine is how often pot users tell you “marijuana isn’t addictive”. BULLSHIT. People become addicted to gambling and porn, people also become addicted to pot. It’s the constant behavior which leads to dependency. They tell you how it helps them function, it helps them relax, it helps them concentrate, et cet. They have lots of justification for their excessive drug usage.

Post # 29
Member
1504 posts
Bumble bee

samael :  People become adicted to alcohol as well.  It’s just as dangerous a drug as marijuana.

Post # 30
Member
1064 posts
Bumble bee

bywater :  I am aware, but my point is that pot users love to throw facts in your face, that weed isn’t chemically addictive like heroine or alcohol. They completely gloss over the fact that constant drug use is addictive behavior which leads to addiction. 

I can’t tell you how many pot users have informed me, so smugly, how weed isn’t addictive.

Yet they can’t function without it.

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