Post # 1
On our 2nd anniversary, last January, SO asked me to give him a year. He said that he would not keep me waiting any longer than that because I had been so patient in not pressing the issue of engagment while he was unemployed. He moved in at the 18 month point and I asked very little of him finacially until he was securely in a new job. The understanding was that we were in this for life, so I managed to get past the idea that I was essentially supporting him.
It’s been understood that he needs to keep that promise or move on. We’re a little over 2 months from our anniversary and I’m getting really impatient. I made the mistake of anticipating a ring on my birthday in September. Instead I got my mom’s Stage 3 breast cancer diagnosis. I wouldn’t have been able to enjoy an engagment, so I can understand why it didn’t happen.
Tonight I found out that he doesn’t have a ring. He doesn’t have anything in mind. He just thinks he’ll head into the city some weekend and pick one up, if he chooses to propose.
IF. My heart sunk. Part of me is certain that he was trying to be playful or secretive, but I am very much at my wits end waiting.
Also,I don’t like the idea of him waiting until the very last minute. I would have liked to think he had a ring, but had held off until I wasn’t such a mess about my mom. Or that he had put more thought into it than “oh I’ll just go up to my family’s jeweler in city some weekend and grab a ring”.
I’m going to feel so foolish if he’s moving out instead of celebrating our anniversary in January. The rational part of me says he will propose, but the emotional waiting part of me is telling me that I’m a fool.
Sigh. I really, truly hate waiting weekends. One more down. Still no ring.
Post # 3
@LeenieBee: Big, huge, hugs!!! I remember feeling much the same way that you did, and while I’m not engaged I’ve somehow let those feelings go and focused on being happy that I have someone like my SO, and having faith that he will be ready to take the next step some time soon. On the ring issue, I felt exactly the same, and (sadly) nagged my SO that he should go check them out. And what do you know, he found exactly what he wanted in an afternoon – I think he might have had an idea and then just went with it. I was so sad because I read all these stories of people designing rings and having them in advance, or just clearly putting thought into it etc., but my SO picked out something perfect for us, better than I could ever have dreamed of, and I guess he had an idea in mind before, so sometimes even thoughit seems like the thought put into it isn’t obvious, or he doesn’t have something specific in mind, it doesn’t mean that he wasn’t thinking about it in some way. Your SO might be the same.
I hope he was kidding about the if part, but even if he wasn’t, you agreed to give him a year. Yeah waiting until the last minute sucks, but some people are just like that, and you just have to have faith that it will happen. Sorry that you are having a rough time waiting, and I hope your mom is doing better! Weekends are harder for me than weekdays, but keeping myself busy has been a huge help.
Sending good thoughts your way!
Post # 4
Thank you so much. Your story really helped. I had the exact same thoughts about the ring. So many stories about rings being designed and so much care being taken in the selection. The idea of him just going and grabbing something made me feel like it wasn’t important or special to him. . .like something he had to do rather than wanted to. I didn’t take into account that he might feel like he’ll know it when he sees it.
I suppose I need to relax and be in a position to enjoy it when it does happen. I’m just worried about being disappointed on Christmas and unable to hide it.
I hope to see ring posts from you soon!
Post # 5
Don’t make the same mistake I did and nag and cry for months! I try and remember know how lucky I am to have found someone as good for me as my SO, and trust that it will happen. And until then, I just keep myself busy!
P.S. I hope to see ring posts from me too, haha!
Post # 6
@LeenieBee: First of all, I hope everything is going better with your mom! That’s such a hard thing to deal with.
Secondly, don’t feel bad about him not putting too much thought into getting you a ring! My SO looked a tiny bit on his own but one day we went ring shopping so I could pick out a few rings and he would go back to make the final decision but he decided to just get me a ring on the spot! But your SO needs to be aware that you can’t always walk into a jewelry store and walk out with a ring! My ring was supposed to take 4-6 weeks to be made and delivered and we are currently at 6 weeks and 1 day and the ring is still not here! (not that I’m counting or anything) 😉
Honestly I think that your guy is no different then most guys on this planet. They are terrible planners and they just don’t understand that this kind of thing means the world to us. Most of them are so afraid to commit that they wait until the last minute to get anything done.
But, if you don’t have a ring by that year mark I would sit down with him and tell him that he has really let you down and that if he is serious about the two of you then he needs to get a move on it or he wil lose you.
Post # 7
Oh my goodness! I’d be going CRAZY waiting for the ring at the 6 week point. We had a chat about how difficult the holidays will be because I can’t help but anticipate it. He’s aiming for before Christmas. I’m going to have to give him a pass if it doesn’t happen due to his cluelessness about how long it takes to get his hands on a ring.