(Closed) Weekends make waiting worse!

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Serpendipity: Why?  Because it’s only been **one year** and you have **four kids** to consider.  You should be SLOWER to move into together/jump into a second marriage for their sake, not faster.  I’m sorry, I know you’re looking for sympathy and I’m not providing it.  I just can’t understand this level of frustration in your situation at all and correspondingly, can’t provide much sympathy.  Why such the rush?  How long did you date before getting engaged the first time, how long the engagement, how long the marriage, and how long since the divorce?

Post # 4
Member
1737 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I don’t know you eprsonally, I have to admit I agree with the caution posted above about rushing, but if it’s right for you guys, then only you will know.  That said, look up Mr. Bee’s Plan.  It basically explains a bit about how the engagement itself is very important to the man, and it’s his big show.  Most people accept that the wedding is the bride’s show, and the proposal is the man’s.  He’ll do it when he feels it’s right, and not one second sooner.  You really want to know he’s doing it because he loves you, not because he was nagged into it, don’t you? 

Waiting is hard, or this board would not have so many ladies looking for moral support on it.  We all get it.  We’re either there or have been there, so this post isn’t a blithe comment wihtout any feeling behind it.  One year is a very short time to date prior to marriage, especially these days, regardless of your age.  You say you BOTH had bad previous marraiges, I wouldn’t blame him for being able to say he loves you, wants to marry you but also wants to take some more time, and also to plan a nice proposal.

Back off, don’t mention it.  If you don’t have a big wedding to plan, he could propose on Monday and you could get married by Saturday (okay, I’m exaggerating, but it’s not like you’ve got a 500+ dinner to plan, so relax 🙂 )

 

Post # 5
Member
3303 posts
Sugar bee

He probably has a big plan- I mean you DO have FOUR sons…. he is probably trying to set an example.

Post # 6
Member
933 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

 I have somewhat the opposite opinion of some of the other posts in that I don’t think you two need to wait longer, I think a year is enough time to be at the point you’re at.  But, it sounds like your future fiance has some thinking and also planning to do.  I wonder if he’s stalling a little bit, but I’m sure he’ll come through.  If he said 2011 you really don’t need to worry yet, 2011 is not even halfway over.  Maybe he wants the proposal & engagement to be a certain way and he’s not ready yet.

Post # 8
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

LucyLaLa: A year can definitely be enough time to know you want to marry someone, I just think this feeling is somewhat extreme: It’s getting to the point that every weekend when he doesn’t have something “planned” I get extremely disappointed because I know that’s another weekend that will pass without an engagement. And even worse, when we have gone away on weekend trips or bed/breakfasts and they pass without engagement I can’t help but wondering why??  It’s just my opinion, so it’s likely worth exactly what the OP paid for it.

@Serpendipity: Yup, that’s why I think it’s super important when you have kids to move carefully (note, this need not be slowly, I mean you don’t want the kids meeting each other the first time at the wedding!).  However, the barn door is open now, so there’s no going back to change anything.  I really can’t think of what’s best to do at the moment, because they’ve already formed those bonds so drawing back now is ridiculous.  They are pretty young though, and I feel like kids are more resilient than we give them credit for, so I would take a deep breath and try to put it out of your mind.  It’s easy for me to say, but at this point (1 year in) worry less about taking the next step and focus more on strengthening your relationship.  Ask him what his timeline is/what he’s waiting for so you aren’t in the dark – I bet knowing his plans would help out a lot, even if they are further off than you want.

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