(Closed) Weight Gain – Reality Check? *POLL*

posted 4 years ago in Pregnancy
  • poll: What do you ladies think?
    These ladies are nuts - DH is supportive AND honest : (70 votes)
    70 %
    OP is nuts - DH is a jerk for feeling this way : (30 votes)
    30 %
  • Post # 31
    Member
    464 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    juliette.eliza: I get your husband might of meant well but I don’t think “I’d find you less attractive if _____” should ever be said. It’s just not nice. He could of left it about your health. 

    Post # 32
    Member
    1246 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I think that with all the (justified!) focus on the mother during pregnancy, it can be easy to take our eye off the ball and forget that our partners have concerns and worries too. This whole thing is a team effort, and I want my husband to feel like he can share his concerns with me. Granted, I expect that he’ll do so in a way that shows consideration for my feelings, since I have the added dimension of hormones to deal with and he doesn’t. 

    Being a bit nervous about how a mother’s body will change (and to what extent weight gain can impact pregnancy health) is totally legitimate and probably something all moms worry about too, so I don’t see why it’s fair to crucify a guy just for gently expressing the same worry. And it sounds like your husband said it constructively. If it didn’t bother you, don’t worry about what some internet ladies were bugged by ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 33
    Member
    692 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    juliette.eliza:  On the one hand, I get where your Darling Husband is coming from based on what he’s seen from his friend, and as long as YOU know that it came from a place of kindness, and it doesn’t bother YOU, then there’s nothing wrong with it and who cares what strangers on the internet think?

     

    On the other hand, like others have said in this thread, its really hard to control your weight during pregnancy.  My mom gained 70lbs with me, but she lost 35 of that by the time she left the hospital.  She had a healthy pregnancy and ate well, she just had a LOT of amniotic fluid in there.  Even if your Darling Husband only said “if you gain excessive weight because of laziness and poor diet”, but you’ll know in the back of your mind that he’ll find you less attractive past a certain weight point, and whose to say he won’t blame it on poor choices when you feel you did everything you could*?  Or even if you’ll just blame yourself thinking you didn’t do “enough” if you past the 50lb threshold?  Yes, it is healthy to try to keep your weight in check and not use pregnancy as an excuse to eat all the things, but even in a healthy pregnancy you can’t always control what you gain.  And remember, 6-9lbs of that weight gain is baby, and at least another 2-3lbs (probably more) is placenta and amniotic fluid.  You will loose at least all of that in the delivery room, you won’t go home weighing what you did at your last OB appointment.  And a good chunk of actual fat that you put on is meant to be used for breastfeeding.  You don’t need to look at the scale and think about how you’re going to loose every last pound to get back to pre-baby weight, a lot of it will come off just from birth + breastfeeding.

     

    *Not saying he will, because obviously I do not know this person, but its a fear I certainly would have if my Darling Husband and I had had this conversation.

    Post # 34
    Member
    253 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2016

    juliette.eliza:  He is looking out for the health of you and your son, and being honest about the repercussions of gaining an unhealthy amount of weight beyond health concerns, I think he sounds like a good guy. Congratulations on that and your pregnancy ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 35
    Member
    9219 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    My Fiance knows how much I’ve struggled with weight issues my whole life and how it is my #1 stressor, so he knows better than to make any comments that are weight-related to me (other than “you look like you lost weight!” which is always welcome haha). 

    He doesn’t need to say anything else about it because I am a grown adult who knows damn well that I am at an unhealthy weight, that I need to constantly work on it, and that I look infinitely more physically attractive at lower weights. He doesn’t need to tell me things that I already think about and kick myself about 100 times a day, everyday. And if I had to hear it from him in addition to hearing it all in my own head and from my mother (who harps on my weight non-stop), then he wouldn’t be my Fiance much longer. 

    But that is us, and that is me, based on my own long-standing body/weight issues and on my loving FI’s understanding of those issues. Can other couples have a different dynamic? Sure.

    Post # 36
    Member
    831 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: Either Philadelphia City Hall or a small chapel.

    I’m somewhere in the middle. Well, while I undetstand being worried you I honestly think any advice or worries about your own body is uncalled for unless you asked. I would never talk to somebody about their weight gain/weight loss/whatever unless it was hugely drastic and not because of an obvious reason. Pregnancy being one of them.

    Post # 37
    Member
    5886 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    juliette.eliza:  The people on that forum were being totally dramatic.  Don’t let it get to you.

    Post # 38
    Hostess
    3867 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 2016

    juliette.eliza:  I wouldn’t be offended by your DH’s comments.  I’m very concious of my health/weight and I’d rather my Fiance be honest with me.  Of course if it was a medical issue and he made a big deal of the weight, I’d say he was being a jerk, but it doesn’t sound to me like your Darling Husband is doing this.  If his comments don’t bother you, I wouldn’t worry what the other ladies in that forum have to say ๐Ÿ™‚ 

    Post # 39
    Member
    3114 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

    It sounds to me like his friend got him unnecessarily worried, he probably just doesn’t want your relationship to change and while it does seem kind of insensitive, unless he’s a real jerk I doubt your weight is his main concern. I already know my Fiance isn’t attracted to extremely overweight/underweight body types, but I know that he loves me and has loved me throughout gaining 20 lbs, I’m sure he would still love me if I gained more, physical attraction doesn’t make a marriage. 

    Post # 40
    Member
    5224 posts
    Bee Keeper

    juliette.eliza:  It sounds like your husband is very loving and supportive. I think he was just being honest, and that’s fair. He didn’t say he’d divorce you or stop loving you. He said he would struggle with your appearance. I think couples who have good communication and confidence in their relationship can have these conversations without hurt feelings. In fact, I think it’s smart to have them, and I applaud you and your husband for that kind of open communication.

    My husband would not be as attracted to me if I put on 100 pounds. He’d still be the same supportive, loving man he is now. The thing is, if he was attracted to women with that kind of shape, he would have dated/married one. My husband has told me he’d love me if I weigh 100 pounds or 400 pounds. I believe that, but it doesn’t mean his attraction to me wouldn’t be affected, regardless of how much he loves me. I think I’d be naive to believe differently.

    Post # 44
    Member
    3729 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    juliette.eliza:  I’m a February mama who is showing very early. While I haven’t put on much weight, it doesn’t appear that way. My husband has been honest that he finds it weird/unattractive to BD in certain positions because he’s not used to ever feeling a belly there. I love that he’s honest (and I knew there was a problem), but it naturally makes me worry about my post baby body. Before people jump on him, it was fine and from a place of honesty. This is the same guy who suggested I get extra cupcakes so I could have one tomorrow.

    I think your husband was coming from a similar place. He’s honestly worried you’ll become Jessica Simpson. He realizes why that’s a problem and wants to encourage you to make the best decisions. As long as he realizes that the baby has a mind of its own and some days you’ll need 3000 calories and that it at take 6 months to a year to lose the weight, that’s fine.

    Post # 45
    Member
    2514 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    juliette.eliza:  I just want to add, it can be extremely difficult to limit gain if your body needs to gain weight during pregnancy.  You an work out, eat perfectly and still see the numbers rise and rise. (Because sometimes, it’s not fat, its water and fluids.) And you aren’t able to diet/restrict calories to keep it low like you can when you aren’t pregnant.  I say this out of kindess and because I literally bawled my face off one day over weight gain, make the healthiest decisions you can, do the exercise you’re able to, but don’t let the numbers on the scale dictate how you feel about your body or make you feel bad about your pregnancy.  Believe me, it can happen.  And you can do everything right and go beyond the ‘recommended’ gain.   And its really hard to tell or guess who has gained because they ate bad foods and who just gained inspite of their best efforts.  And comments about ‘excessive gains’ can cut like a knife to anyone who is working their butt off in an attempt to keep their gain within sight of the ‘recommended guidelines’. 

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