(Closed) weird advice from invitation lady.. Reply card help!

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: should we have online RSVP?
    absolutely, technology is the "cool" thing to do : (18 votes)
    27 %
    no.. it's totally tacky : (38 votes)
    57 %
    comment an alternative : (4 votes)
    6 %
    i just want wedding cake YUM! : (7 votes)
    10 %
  • Post # 3
    1478 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @nemoandthebrain:  No way, this is not worth the $70 savings. I would send traditional inviations and traditional mail in rsvp cards to everyone. Plus, you will miss the fun of checking your mail everyday to see who has rsvp’d. I am very traditional as well, and I do think the online rsvp is tacky. So my vote would be no, don’t do it!

    Post # 4
    3919 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @Sea_Ashley:  totally agree. I am waiting on RSVP’s and it is SO FUN to check the mail everyday and see if I get RSVP’s back. So much better than bills and junk

    Post # 5
    92 posts
    Worker bee

    since you are already under budget i do not think that $70 is worth the hassle.

    Post # 6
    12103 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2014

    i’m with you, i’ve debated this myself.  For me, I LOVE the idea of getting the mail and checking my response cards.  I’m using techy thigns for a lot of stuff (seating charts, budget tracking, venue comparisons, RSVP tracking etc) but I want the little cards in the mail.  If you’re doing them for some just do it for all.  It will save you headache trying to figure out who the straglers are!

    Post # 7
    384 posts
    Helper bee

    I hate RSVPing to someones email. It just means I have to hold onto the card until I get around to sending the email so I can find your email address… Or website address if you would go that way. UGH I hate it. To me its really annoying vs checking YES ill be there and popping it back into the mail box. So not worth the $70 savings to me.

    Post # 8
    3041 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    We asked people to RSVP online or via phone to my parents in case they weren’t comfortable using a computer. So far it has all worked out really well – the older generation clearly preferring the phone, the younger the website.

    We selected this option as we personally feel that the card is a complete pain. You fill it out, have every intention of sending it off and then, for the next two months, you realize that you left it on the fridge every single time you walk past a mailbox… The “instant gratification” concept really appealed to us. Then again, FI works with computers and most guests are Swedish where pretty much every single person knows how to operate a computer (my 85 year old grandma use Skype all the time and she LOVES YouTube). Based on our set of guests, traditional RSVP cards felt archaic. 

    Now, we did put our website info on an insert that came along with the invitation – I would not rely on word of mouth. That does sound like a recipe for disaster.

    Post # 9
    3267 posts
    Sugar bee

    $70 isn’t worth it, though I don’t think online replies are tacky.  If you do go the online route, you HAVE to put the website on the invites.  Trying to spread it by word of mouth is a recipe for disaster.

    It also depends on the type of wedding you are having.  If you have having a fancy affair, then the invites and replies should reflect that.


    Post # 10
    2612 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

    My FI asked me about doing this and I said no, too many people we are inviting are NOT of our generation and are NOT tech savvy.

    I could just see getting a jumble or RSVPs in the mail, phone calls, online. People thinking that just by visiting the web page they’ve RSVP’d ….I am always shocked at how difficult something like this can be for some people since I am pretty tech savvy. However, not everyone is and I can’t see this working out at seamlessly as an RSVP card. Unless like 80-90% of your invitees are in the “younger” generations, I’d say stick with the cards, especially for $70, it will be worth it!

    Post # 11
    960 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @nemoandthebrain:  I did both, and gave everyone a card. Some people told me it was poor ediquette but oh well… My card has the option of mailing or RSVPing online 🙂


    Post # 12
    8176 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    i would put an rsvp card in every envelope.

    either all or nothing, everybody responds via website (which i don’t like) or everyone respond via response card.


    Post # 13
    1448 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    The hassle of keeping track of everything would just not be worth it.  Just get the RSVP cards.

    Post # 14
    900 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    @nemoandthebrain:  We did only online RSVPs (and RSVP by phone/email) because in DH’s culture, they don’t do reply cards at all and just list a phone number—and I know my friends/family well wnough to know that even with a pre-stamped envelope, I could expect about a 30% return rate. 

    With online/phone RSVPs, we got about  75% rate of guests RSVPing on time–we had to track down the rest.  From what I’ve heard on the Bee, that’s standard even for paper mail.

    In the end, it just depends on what your circle of friends is used to.

    Post # 15
    1920 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    Totally up to you. I think now days having online or email RSVP is totally okay and seems to be the way most people are going. I was invited to 4 wedding this summer and all of them did that. For our invites we went traditional mail back because I love getting mail! Checking the mail box every day was literally my favourite part of wedding planning.

    Post # 16
    11760 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Seems like a lot of trouble to go through to save $70.  I’m not a fan of online RSVPs, and I’m definitely not a fan of doing 2 different things for 2 different groups of people.  It just complicates things and will be a bigger headache than it’s worth. 

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