(Closed) Weird babysitting situation

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Unnecessarily dramatic. Super dramatic.

I really have no advice but to stand your ground. I think you are doing the right thing.

Post # 4
Member
334 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Have you talked to your SIL about this?  Maybe she can talk to your mom and come to an arrangement where your mom can babysit more often.  If it’s a jealousy issue maybe knowing that she’ll get to babysit and spend some more time with her neice.

 

 

Post # 5
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It sounds like your brother and SIL have a great friend!  They’re so lucky!  Maybe you can arrange for your mother to watch your niece during part of the wedding events?  Like, she can hold her during the rehearsal or during the brunch?  Or you could do a special get together that will give your mom and opportunity to spend time with her granddaughter?  I definitely think you have to put your foot down on this one.  Your borther and SIL put their foot down on not keeping their daughter up super late (which is totally reasonable), and you need to put your foot down that this friend will come to the wedding.  I mean, given that she’s traveling all this way to take care of a friend’s kid, I think she at least deserves to go out and see people and eat brunch!  She’s already going to miss the “fun” stuff like the rehearsal dinner and reception.

Post # 6
Member
6248 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

Honestly, your wedding is not the time for the mother-of-the-bride to be devoting all her attention to your niece.  Her role is almost a hostess of sorts, she needs to socialize with the guests and make sure everything is running smoothly (in the background, of course).  If she wants time with your niece then she needs to schedule that time separately, not during her daughter’s wedding.

Besides, that babysitter plan sounds like a good one. 

Post # 8
Member
6021 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

Definitely dramatic. I think its really bold of her to think she can dictate how something like this is going to work. Or who is allowed at your wedding. It seems really immature of her to basically want to ban this friend from YOUR wedding activities  simply because she is jealous. This is an issue she needs to address with your brother and SIL and your wedding is not the time to do so.

Post # 9
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I agree with the pp about maybe having her watch her at one point, like the brunch. Maybe letting your mom know that it’s your wedding day and YOU need your mom will make her not feel left out. I’d feel a little selfish but if it was my wedding day I would want my mom to pay attention to ME!

Post # 10
Member
434 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Probably a touch on the dramatic side, perhaps to guilt you into going along with what she wants. I think this arrangement sounds great and perfectly normal and your mom kinda needs to just get over it. If she’s hurt by them your wedding shouldn’t be the place to start raising those issues and making demands. I know you feel bad but you need to put your wedding first on this particular issue and go with what works best for everyone personally involved in this situation (B&G and parents of baby).

Post # 12
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Tell her you have it handled, the friend can come and you are extremely grateful to the friend, period. It’s not her place to say who can and can’t come to your wedding. Shut the topic to discussion and there will be none. 

Post # 13
Member
2693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

@sportsgal31:  I think it’s super generous of your brother and SIL to pay for their friend to come for babysitting duty!! Kudos to her for wanting to do that…I never would, lol!

I know you all love your niece, but I think your mom is being a tad unreasonable.  This is her daughters wedding…why is she making about her and how she feels slighted or jealous about babysitting?  I would calmly and kindly tell her that much…that its a little ridiculous that she’s making into some type of personal offense when your brother and his wife are trying to create a situation in which no one misses any crucial part of your wedding celebration.  I’d also point out what you said…that your mom would likely sit in a corner with the daughter all night long at your wedding.  Come on…it’s her daughter’s wedding, I know she loves her granddaughter, but come on!! You’re her daughter!! I think you’re perfectly within your rights to rationally tell her why this is happening, and how you think it’s appropriate and fine for the friend to babysit, and that she’s overreacting a bit, and you want her full attention on your wedding day (and that’s not a selfish thing for a daughter to ask of her mother on her wedding day!)

Post # 16
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Well you can’t stop your Mom from going to SIL and let’s be real: she’s being kind of a crazypants. She will only hurt herself if she does that so I wouldn’t stress too much. I totally feel your pain, this is exactly how my Mother-In-Law acts about FI’s kids. I hope she realizes she is being over the top and comes down some for you soon! 

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