- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012
So I had my first bit of wedding drama last night. I should probably feel really lucky that it took until 5.5 months out!
My brother and SIL have a 1.5 year old daughter. They keep her on a fairly structured schedule, and it must work for them because my niece is just a delight to be around. She goes to bed at 7 every night. Well, my ceremony is at 6, with cocktail hour, dinner and reception to immediately follow. I have to admit that I hadn’t really given much thought yet to what we would do with my niece during the reception.
Well, this weekend my brother and SIL told me they have a good friend who is willing to travel to my town to take care of my niece so that my brother and SIL can stay and enjoy the wedding after her bedtime. Basically, she would attend the rehearsal but probably take my niece back to the hotel before the Rehearsal Dinner, she would attend the ceremony but take my niece back to the hotel sometime during cocktail hour, and she would attend the post-wedding brunch on Sunday. They apparently did the same thing for SIL’s brother’s wedding last year and it worked great.
I was a little taken aback because it hadn’t occurred to me that something like that could be arranged, but I totally came around to the idea pretty quickly. They’re willing to pay their friend’s travel expenses, and she’s willing to spend a weekend in a hotel room with a sleeping baby, just so that my brother and SIL can spend more time with me at my wedding? I actually think that’s pretty awesome. (BTW, I’ve met the friend they’re planning to bring many times and I like her. I have no qualms about her attending.)
Fiance and I discussed it and we gave my SIL the go-ahead to make the arrangements. Well my mom called me last night in tears over the whole situation. She doesn’t want the friend to attend any aspect of the wedding. At all. Said that she should just sit in the hotel room and wait to be called. I asked why she felt that way and she didn’t really have a good reason, just thought it was a matter of principle that my brother and SIL shouldn’t be bringing a random friend to my wedding.
We talked for quite awhile and it finally came out that my mom feels like she doesn’t get many babysitting opportunities, that this friend sees my niece more than she does, etc. So it’s kind of a jealousy thing. I told my mom that I was totally fine with the arrangement and that if it was a choice between this friend attending or my brother and SIL having to leave early, I would pick the friend every time. I’m also trying to avoid a situation where my mom sits in the corner holding my niece all night and doesn’t participate in the wedding (something she would totally do).
She’s pretty adamant that she’s going to stop this friend from attending no matter what I say. I have to call her back tonight to talk more about it. She did give us some money for the wedding, but just a lump sum not earmarked for anything in particular (it’s less than 10% of our total budget), so I don’t really feel like I have to follow her wishes on this. I’m inclined to tell her that it’s my decision, but I don’t want to hurt her. I know this is already a very touchy subject for her. Although if I’m being honest, it feels like she’s being unnecessarily dramatic.
Any thoughts on how to handle this?