(Closed) Weird bachelorette party situation

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
1631 posts
Bumble bee

weddingmaven :  eh, I generally think what’s acceptable changes with the times and on whether the people affected are bothered by it. I don’t know anyone who is bothered by people organising their own birthday dinners or parties as long as the cost is reasonable.  I think organising your own bachelorette is fine if you organize it in line with what the attendees would normally spend on a night out. 

Dinner at a restaurant you would normally go to and then out to a bar you go to where people can choose to drink or not drink? Ok!

Dinner at a Michelin star restaurant and then bottle service at the club? (Unless you’re rich and that IS a normal Friday night) No. 

Destination bachelorette that you plan yourself? No. 

Post # 17
254 posts
Helper bee

Ugh I hate the whole “you’re not supposed to throw yourself a party” thing. I’d even be okay with a bride throwing her own shower because that’s a pretty common pre-wedding event. It’s not like she is making up an event solely for the purpose of getting presents. (I hate showers and wish we could just stop doing them altogether, but I wouldn’t judge someone who helped organize or pay for her own. It seems ruder to to expect friends to pay for an event where you get gifts.) I think your event sounds fine! Especially because a bachelorette party isn’t typically a gift giving event anyway. I would just text your bridal party and say something like “hey since everyone is so spread out which would make having a bachelorette party difficult, I was thinking of just having a little get together with dinner and drinks before the wedding. Of course all of you areinvited, but please don’t feel obligated to come. I know how difficult and expensive it is to make out of town events.” That would give them the opportunity to offer to throw a bachelorette party if they are wanting to. 

Most bachelorette parties (and adult bday parties) I’ve been to have been more about just getting together with a group of friends and having a fun time as opposed to solely celebrating the bride. Of course we will typically buy her some drinks or pay for her dinner or whatever, but it’s not like we spend the whole night totally focused on her. I think your friends would love a night out with you before your big day. 

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