- 4 years ago
- Wedding: June 2016
I am in need of some opinions/advice about one of my bridesmaids. So here’s the situation– I have been really close friends with this girl since middle school- almost nine years. Even after I transfered high schools and we both went off to different colleges we remained good friends, kept in contact, and made time to hang out together, so obviously I had no question as to if I was going to ask her to be a bridemaid once I got engaged.
At first, after I asked her, everything seemed just like normal. We still hung out, she was very receptive to me when I would ask for advice about the wedding, etc. Some time after I had gotten engaged, her long time boyfriend asked her to marry him, so now she is also engaged. I knew he was going to ask her and was very happy for her. I also knew how exciting it is to just be engaged, so I decided to not talk too much about my wedding and focus a little more on hers for a while, just to be polite. I figured it would be nice to give her a little while to focus on herself and get her wedding planning underway, and then we could have fun bouncing ideas off eachother and stuff.
I also knew that just because I had asked her to be my bridesmaid did not mean she was obligated to ask me to be in her wedding, so I did not hold my breath, and I never made any comments implying that she should ask me either. In fact, I never brought up bridemaids at all with her because I didn’t want her to think I was trying to get her to ask me.
I should mention that I have had a really long engagement (it will be two years by the time I get married this spring), and she has now been engaged for about a year. Anyway, after trying not to bother her for a bit with my wedding, I started to talk to her about my wedding again, just asking for opinions on decor, hair, shoes… stuff like that, and I noticed that she would just not respond to me anymore, and when she did it was usually just one or two word responses. I didn’t get bothered though because I knew she was also planning a wedding and was in school and was busy. So I just kept in contact with her and tried to talk about non wedding stuff, but I also would ask her about her wedding and how planning is going. Whenever we would talk, if I didn’t ask her about her wedding, she would always bring it up, but she would never ask me about mine. It got to the point that I would slip in something about how my planning is going in hopes that maybe we could also talk about my wedding, but she would always respond with really short answers and then change the conversation back to her wedding. She even brought up how she didn’t know who she was going to ask to be her bridesmaids, or how she was waiting to ask anybody until later, on more than one occassion. Not like asking me my opinion on anything, just stating it, which I found to be a little weird and uncomfortable.
As time went on I noticed that she had started asking girls to be her bridesmaids because she posted about it on facebook. One of the girls she asked happened to be someone that she knows I am on bad terms with. And come to find out that after she agreed to be my bridesmaid, she also agreed to be this girls bridemaid. So now she is planning her own wedding, in my wedding, and in this other girl’s wedding. I was slightly annoyed once I learned this, but still, what she does or who she asks to be in her wedding is none of my business. I wasn’t mad at her, I was just mostly annoyed because of how much I dislike this other girl.
She also asked me if I would save my empty wine bottles for her because she was going to use them for decorations at her wedding. This was not a problem, and I happily agreed to it. A few months ago I invited her over to my place to hang out and also to come pick up some of the wine bottles I had saved for her. I cooked her dinner and she came over and talked for a few hours. About her wedding. Again. Only about her wedding. And this is where it gets really uncomfotable for me: She starts asking me whether she should ask a mutual friend of ours (who is also a bridemaid in my wedding as well) to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. She says she can’t decide because this friend is long distance and she doesn’t think she will be able to help her enough with her wedding. I think this is kind of rude because I think you should ask someone to be in your wedding because they are your friend, not just so they can help you. I mean, help is nice, but I don’t think bridemaids are obligated to really do much more than offer support and give ideas and stuff. But I didn’t say that. And then she looks right at me, and with a smile on her face, says “Well, I don’t know, I mean, I have already asked all the girls that are IMPORTANT to me…” Now to me, I think that is a really insensitive thing to say to a friend that you have NOT asked to be in your wedding. I was kind of surprised at what she had said, so I just kind of laughed it off. After she left though, I was upset.
I told my fiace how she had been acting lately and he told me that I should stop asking her to hang out or asking her about my wedding and just see if she ever asks to hang out or asks me about my wedding. Well she hasn’t. We haven’t hung out once since that night, and she does not text me. A couple times I have texted her and still all she talks about is her wedding. She goes on and on about it and she always brings up how much money she is spending on it. She knows that I am on a really tight budget and cannot spend a lot on my wedding. I just feel like every time we talk she goes out of her way to hurt my feelings.
She also just had a birthday and went out with a group of people. I know that because she posted a ton of pictures on facebook. Some of the girls she went out with were of course her bridesmaids, and she posted a picture of them saying how much fun she had, and she made a point to tag two of our mutual friends, one of which is my bridesmaid, and say how much she wished they were there. Not to mention she literally went to a place like ten minutes away from my house. I know it was HER birthday, so she can go out with whoever she likes, but I was kind of hurt that she went out with a bunch of people so nearby to my house, made a point to say how she wished our mutual friends were there, and never asked me. I can’t say I am suprised though considering how she has been acting towards me.
To me, she has been making it really obvious that she does not want to be my friend anymore, but she has not come out and said that. Everything she says and does she does with a smile on her face. My fiance, my mother, and my other bridemaids (excluding the mutual friend) say that I need to kick her out of my wedding. I haven’t asked the bridesmaid that is our mutual friend because I don’t want to damage their friendship. Honestly, part of me wants of to kick her out because at this point I just don’t feel like she wants to be my friend anymore, and at this point I don’t want to be her friend anymore because of how hurtful she has been. It makes me not want to have a bridal shower or a bachelorette party because I don’t want to deal with her passive aggressive remarks. The other part of me just thinks that I am overracting about the whole thing and that I just need to suck it up. I also don’t know how much good it would do to ask her about it because I know she will deny meaning anything by the things she has said and I am afraid it will make things awkward and she will get mad at me.
Sorry for how long this is, but I am just really at a loss of what to think or do about this situation. Any thoughts would be much appreciated!
- This topic was modified 4 years ago by jass94.