(Closed) Weird Bridesmaid Situation

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
Member
1864 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Your friend sounds like a bitch. I’d do as PP said and sit her down and tell her how you feel 🙂

Post # 17
Member
7642 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I can’t think of any excuse for her saying, “I have already asked all the girls who are important to me“, to the face of someone who asked her to be a bridesmaid. I very rarely advocate removing a bridesmaid, but this is one of those times. Her passive aggressiveness is causing stress you don’t need.

I think you should send a very short, very direct text, with words to the effect, “Dear X, I have decided that it would be better for both of us if you weren’t a bridesmaid in my wedding.” No discussion, no argument, no reason. Just drop her.

If she argues, tell her “but you told me that I wasn’t important to you“.

Post # 18
Member
535 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Wow OP she sounds like a real piece of work. And a whole lot like a friend who’s not worth keeping. 

Drop her today and move on. Pick someone else who really wants to be there for you – you don’t need any of that toxic vibe going on in your bridal party, or in your life for that matter. 

* Hugs *

Post # 19
Member
674 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Sorry bee, she’s not your friend, but a frenemy who passive agressively hurts you purposely. For some strange reason, many frenemies show their true selves during wedding planning. It hurts, knowing a longtime friend is so toxic, but really, who needs friends like these? If she’s already being so toxic prior your wedding, who knows what crap she’ll pull during your wedding?

I would just send a text aussiemum1248 said. At this point, I seriously do not believe a face-to-face convo would do any good, which may very well end with her shifting all the blame on you and further hurting you again. Toxic people like her do not like confrontations, hence the passive aggressive comments and actions toward you.

Post # 20
Member
329 posts
Helper bee

I agree with dropping her as a bridesmaid. I would also, in the future, direct all her wedding talk to her bridesmaids. If she asks you something about the wedding, give a quick answer you’re comfortable with then suggest she talk to her bridesmaids about it. It’s so you would get some distance from the issue and allow both your weddings to be separated from the relationship.

Post # 21
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee

At first, I was a little put off by your post.. “Every time I want to talk about my wedding she only wants to talk about her wedding and then she came over and only talked about her wedding and I never got to talk about my wedding”..

OMG FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO TALK ABOUT YOUR WEDDING WITH.  

But then she said that crap to your face and didn’t invite you to her birthday!?  Rude.  Talk to her first and let her know how she’s making you feel, but don’t be afraid to drop her.

Post # 22
Member
1888 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m sorry bee, I think she’s using you, either as a dumping ground or a punching bag. I think maybe you just continue to meet her with silence. It is good for you to see how little work she puts into the friendship. If she emerges eventually, then have a sit-down where you tell her you won’t be needing her services as a bridesmaid anymore. Some of the things she’s said and done to you are so incredibly hurtful.

Post # 23
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee

This girl sounds like she is either A.) a frenemy or B.) mad at you about something. What she is doing is wrong though, no doubt. I’m the kind of person who likes clarification. I’d send her a text saying something like, “Would you like to step down as my bridesmaid?” That way you aren’t wondering anymore!

Good luck!

Post # 24
Member
1123 posts
Bumble bee

This is so odd and I’m really sorry this is happening, I would be very upset. I agree that she is deliberately trying to get to you and it is childish and nasty. As you say it is up to her who she picks as bridesmaids and she isn’t obligated to explain it to you…however I was bridesmaid for a girl and then didn’t ask her to be in my wedding (we had grown apart a lot in the time between) and I felt it was only polite to explain to her why I wasn’t asking her back.

It is hard when mutual friends are involved as you can’t simply cut someone off, but I would definitely confront her about this and depending on her response consider taking her out of your wedding.

Post # 25
Hostess
8830 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

jass94:  Sorry but it sounds like she just doesn’t value your friendship in the same way you did hers. I would start to pull away and expect may her not to be part of your wedding.

Post # 26
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2016 - The Great Southern Club

i had a friend that was sort of like this. after i had enough i just quit talking to her. i had even asked her to be a bridesmaid but after the last straw(LOTS OF DRAMA AGH) i just quit talking to her and didn’t even mention wedding stuff. we have tons of mutual friends and we live really close to each other(we are in the same neighborhood…i can see her house from mine).

now, i am not saying my way is the best way…but i had already sat down with her and tried to lay it all out and with people like that, they just don’t change. they don’t see how they are wrong or being hurtful.

congrats on your wedding and good luck op…you don’t have time for negative people like that in your life.

Post # 27
Member
160 posts
Blushing bee

jass94:  

I agree with everyone else – this girl is clearly not your friend. I think perhaps the “friendship” was more one-sided – think back on the time you’ve known her. Have you always been the one reaching out, doing nice things, and she just sort of went with it? I’d bet that’s the case. I normally wouldn’t say to remove a bridesmaid but unfortunately, in this case I think it’s pretty clear she is not interested in maintaining a friendship with you. Have you gotten a STD or a verbal indication from her that you are even invited to her wedding?

You could sit her down and try to have a conversation, but ultimately I think actions speak louder than words (although her words, actually, are pretty clear). Has she bought a dress for your wedding, or been involved with the other bridesmaids in the shower/bachelorette? If she’s completely AWOL, then I’d just send a kind text letting her know she can attend as a guest. And I would not message/text/call or otherwise contact her unless she contacted me first.

Post # 28
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

You have to ask yourself, “what would I lose by dropping her as a bridesmaid/friend?” 

 

If the answer is nothing then text, call, meet up, whatever and tell her you would like her to step down as a bridesmaid. Sounds like she wouldn’t care either way. You don’t need someone like this in your life. She sounds like a bitch!!!

 

Oh and then of course post an update 🙂 you have a lot of other people who love and support you. Don’t waste any more time with this cranky whore.

Post # 29
Member
5862 posts
Bee Keeper

Your so-called friend has apparently gone back to junior high-school and is now your frenemy. She has the right to ask whomever she wants to be a bridesmaid, as you pointed out, but she seems to take spiteful pleasure in letting you know you’re not a bridesmaid- wtf is up with that? She has gone out of her way to be a passive-aggressive bitch to you, no doubt regaling the bridesmaid of hers you strongly dislike with tales of her Mean Girls barbs and slights to you so they can gleefully gossip together. I wonder if her fiance is aware of what a shallow, immature and mean person she is. Between her horrid comment about having asked everyone important to her (of course with a smile on her face, she’s fully aware of what she’s saying and doing) and excluding you from her birthday party and making sure you’re aware of this exclusion, she’s made it perfectly, painfully clear you’re not part of her A-list clique. You don’t want to be part of this clique anyway Bee, you’re better than that. Do as others have suggested and send her a text, like the one aussiemom posted, you don’t need her passive-aggressive b.s in your life or in your wedding party.

Post # 30
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Yes, like others have said, this girl is a total bitch and used you for wine bottles. I was going to say you should meet up with her for a heart to heart to see what the deal is but she really doesn’t even sound worth the time. You seem to understand how she isn’t obligated to invite you to anything or be a Bridesmaid or Best Man in her wedding, but she is being pretty mean towards you. Her “friendship” is likely not one you will miss and I would give her the boot from your wedding – as a Bridesmaid or Best Man and as a guest. Cut this person out of your life and move on.

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