Weird couple rituals

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
40 posts
Newbee

fourthnoel :  I had to google this song. Worst. Mistake. Ever. It is now stuck in my head. Lol. You were right. It is very catchy!

Post # 32
Member
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Randomly when I go in to kiss him he will stick his tongue out and I end up kissing tongue and I do the same to him lol. It can be dead silent and one of us will yell “babe, babe, BAAAAABBBEEEE, NO, BABE, DON’T GO BAAAABE” (think the movie Hot Rod when the girl is leaving her douchey boyfriend)

Post # 33
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

zoraneale :  Haha these are all awesome, great thread OP!

 SO and I have a few:

We have a friend who is uncomfortable with PDA or anything sex related, so naturally we try to gross him out as much as possible. Any time he calls, SO answers on speakerphone and when he asks what we’re doing, I yell “Doing it!!!”. Or if we know he’s coming over, when he walks in the door, one of us will yell “Don’t come in, I’m naked/we’re doing it”… his response is always an embarrassed “Oh god”. It makes us laugh haha.

SO will occasionally try to lick my face or will stick his tongue out when I go in for a kiss. That results in me trying to get him back and it’s just a big mess of tongues and faces and teeth… not sexy but definitely hilarious.

One night we’d been out drinking and we were lying in bed watching TV. I wanted to go to sleep but was too tired to get up and said “Can you brush my teeth?”. He reached over & started “brushing my teeth” with his finger. We laughed so hard. And now it’s a running joke, any time we ask the other to brush our teeth, we try to get our finger in there before the other can shut us out haha.

SO also likes to randomly dry hump me. Most of the time I just pretend he’s not doing it lol. Other times I stick my butt out at him real fast to try and make him lose his balance lol.

My mom & brother and I always end phone calls with “Love you, bye”, and SO has started doing it too <3

I’m sure there’s more… we do silly voices & accents. One of us will say something normal and the other will repeat it in a silly voice, then the other will repeat it in a sillier voice or some kind of sing-song… it ridiculous haha.

Being in a relationship is weird but you know you’ve met your match when the little silly things make even the mundane stuff fun!

Post # 34
Member
10664 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

We don’t have many, Dh isn’t the most playful guy and we’re ancient, but, nonetheless.

We have completely abandoned using each other’s first names.  We’re just Mommy and Daddy, as dog parents.  We even do it in public.  Someday, I’ll forget dh’s name altogether.

We have debates about what the dogs are really saying and he’s always wrong.

We watch 90 Day Fiance together.  After all of his carping about how stupid these kinds of shows are, I caught him watching by himself in the living room one night.  So the proverbial cat was out of that bag.

The other day, he started giving me inside information on some of the couples, he’s been googling them.

Post # 36
Member
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

It’s stupid as hell, and I don’t really know how to explain? But sometimes when one of us says something, the other will replace a word and as they try to correct it you get further and further from the original word. 

Ex: “My family was from Ulsan.”->”You have an ulcer?”->”Ulsan”->”You’re the third Olson twin?”->”ULSAN”->”Oh, you think you’re awesome? That’s pretty vain.” 

Post # 37
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2019

youngbrokebride :  OH. MY. GOD. I’m rolling. I DO THIS!! My fiancé has an unusually round ass for a man, and I LOVE IT. I’ll sometimes try to stick my finger up his crack when he’s fully dressed and he clenches so fast it’s hilarious. He ususally yells, “YOU KEEP DOING THAT AND I’M GOING TO FART ON YOU!!” Then sometimes when he’s laying across the bed on his phone, I’ll go in, pull down his gym shorts, smack his ass and run away laughing. 

I bought this squishy stress ball-like thing that’s in the shape of the peach emoji, and we now randomly throw it at each other’s heads screaming, “CATCH MY BUTT!!!” 

When one of us is in the shower, we will burst in unannounced, open the shower door, stare and make creepy statements about the other person’s nakedness. He also thinks it’s funny to yell my name while he’s in there, and when I open the bathroom door, I find “SHOW ME YOUR BOOBS” written on the steamed shower doors. One time it was “TITS OR GTFO” 

There’s a lot of sexual assault that goes on in our relationship. LMFAO 

ETA:

We also will plot against each other with the dog. Like the other night he was cuddling the dog on on the couch and both of them were looking at me and he was audibly whispering in the dog’s ear that “We’re gonna sell all mommy’s stuff and buy more dog friends.” 

I’m obsessed with squeezing the pimples he’ll get on his back or any blackheads. I call it “spa time” and make him lay on the bed with no shirt, and take my phone light and check every inch of his skin. He complains that I’m gross but I think he secretly likes it because sometimes he falls asleep. I’ll also put Biore blackhead strips on his nose and chase him around the house with it when I take it off because it grosses him out. 

LMFAO OMG we’re so weird. 

Post # 38
Member
699 posts
Busy bee

These are great!

– We drunkinly bought a stuffed otter from the aquarium. Drunk me named him “Jolly” and he became my baby. He now stays in our bed and snuggles/talks/etc. Fiance decided Jolly needed a girlfriend so we got another stuffed otter named Molly. Yes we sleep with stuffies… If they end up on the floor they get REAL grumpy haha

– I get a naked shower dance after every. single. shower. Usually consists of playfully hiding behind the towel, wiggling things around, etc.

– I poke Fiance butthole whenever I get the chance. Bending over to tie shoes? Butthole poke. Walking up stairs? Butthole poke.

– I get dry humped whenever I do anything. Laundry. Cooking. Doesn’t matter

– More cute then weird but Fiance leaves for work earlier then me so he makes me tea and a smoothie before he goes to help wake me up.

Post # 39
Member
699 posts
Busy bee

somedaymrsj :  I do the whisker one with my Fiance. He has a random one on his cheek I use my teeth to remove usually… hah

Post # 40
Member
731 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I love this thread! 😂 I’m so glad to see that other couples have their quirks too. We have two that stand out to me. 

the first is we have 3 dogs and we “narrate” in their “voices” as if we were them and what we think they would sound like when they’re doing certain things. So for example our lab is super dopey so she has a “dumb” voice, we have a really “prissy” voice for our super high maintenance shepherd, and our pitbull we adopted from a shelter in Detroit and she has this weird “swagger” when she walks, so we assume she talks like a ghetto thug. I remember I was FaceTiming with my sister one day, and randomly she turns the phone to show her roommate and  goes “do the elly voice for my roommate!” It was so embarrassing. 

We also will make nonsense songs to what we are doing?? My parents used to do that when I was growing up, so when I moved in with Darling Husband 5 years ago when we first started dating, it used to drive him nuts when I would sing random stuff… and I told him in time he will end up doing it. Now sure enough I’ll walk around the corner and he’ll be prepping dinner or something and be like “ choppy chop, I like to cut… I’m gonna poke you in the butt…”

 

Post # 41
Member
1152 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Tacoma, WA

kimmacph :  Haha I am so happy to see we’re not the only weirdos that do this! The only time I was like “pretty sure that crosses a line” is when she did it during sex without even thinking, and I stopped like “WTF DID THAT JUST HAPPEN?” and then we both cracked up laughing lol.

Post # 42
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee

There some some great stuff in this thread!  

I’m home first & making dinner when Darling Husband gets home Mon-Fri and I always yell to the dogs “Puppa’s home!” when I hear him come in, he now expects it & thinks something is wrong if I don’t do it.  

Sometimes if I’m in the front of the house & see him pull in I will join the dogs on my hands & knees in the foyer with my tongue out & nose to the door saying woof woof while he walks up.  He laughs really hard but I also know the thought of neighbors seeing it really bums him out 😂 

Darling Husband does a lot of really stupid, nonsensical things that make zero sense but it’s his randomness of timing and steadfast commitment to it that makes it funny. 

Once after we’d had an argument & it was over but there was still a lack of ease between us, still a little tense, he went and got a full glass of water & walked back into the living room and said “dare me”?  and then proceeded to pour the whole thing over his head.  It was in effort to cut the tension & it worked.  But now it’s just a thing he randomly does whenever for giggles or shock or to break up the monotony.  

We’ll be watching tv and Darling Husband will say, I’m sorry, I have to pause this to make a phone call.  Then he proceeds to call a huge event, like burning man or Coachella and when he gets a recording he sighs and complains to me that he can never get through to them.  

Occasionally Darling Husband puts his shoes on, grabs his keys and walks out the door telling me his menonism group is meeting.  Or sometimes if I ask him if he’s free on such & such date because I’m trying to make plans for us he will say let me check, and circle back to me saying he can’t go because he has menonism that night.  

Yesterday he called me in the early afternoon and when I answered he sighed and asked if I’d heard the bad news, and asked if I was sitting down.  Then he told me that an Olive Garden in an old retail center several miles away was closing.  (We’ve never been to an Olive Garden.)

He loves purposely covering a tooth with food (especially something like spinach) and then acting like nothing.  Refusing to acknowledge it for several minutes.  It makes me gag it’s so gross but his commitment will eventually make me laugh.

He has a running narrative where ihe s really broken up about Tarek & Cristina from HGTV breaking up.  He brings them up a lot, wondering if they’re doing ok, if it’s affecting their filming, etc.  

Brooks & Vicki Gundleson from Bravo is another favorite of his.  He’s likely to break into the character of Brooks at any moment.  Then proceeds to try to trick me into giving him my car keys & atm card.  He does this to my mom too. 

There are dozens of other stupid little things he does daily.  

 

Post # 43
Member
75 posts
Worker bee

I’m pretty sure that this is my favorite thread!

I think I’ve mentioned this in a previous thread, but my SO like to “scream” in a really high pitch voice when we’re play arguing. He has a deeper voice, but somehow his voice can go almost 2 octaves high than mine, and he likes to scream when he gets frustrated playing a game or while driving. It’s so awful and ear piercing that I normally end up laughing in tears and when I ask him why he does that his answer is “I’m just preparing you for having kids!” I then tell him that I’ll have to deal with two kids when that happened.

We also like to “boop” each other and run away really fast, but our apartment is so small that we normally can’t get really far, haha. My SO also likes to stare at me because I get uncomfortable really fast when people stare at me, so if I’m brushing my teeth or getting ready, he’ll randomly stare at me until I notice it. Our favorite thing now is make awful faces at each other when we make puns and laugh in a really fake voice. 

We have so many other little things that I love about our relationship and I learned how it’s okay to laugh at yourself and have fun in the relationship. 🙂

Post # 44
Member
943 posts
Busy bee

I dont know if this counts as a ritual or not, but if Darling Husband and I go on a date we must get coffee. If we dont get coffee we consider the date a failure. Not that it puts us in a bad mood but its sort of our thing. 

On our first official date we had coffee. On our wedding day we had a coffee/cappaccino bar set up, and on every date since we have gone for coffee after dinner or a movie or whatever. 

A month ago we went on a late date and our regular coffeehouse was closed!! OMG we drove around laughing and looking for another coffee shop for 2 hours, through three different towns!!! It was hilarious. We come home and our kids are like, where have yall been? We just laughed hysterically and told them we were driving around looking for coffee. Our teenagers just did an eye roll. 

Our other thing is this,…please no comments on the horror because its our thing…We will be play fighting about something and I will look at him and say “Dont make me punch you in the uterus, and he will respond back, “Dont make me punch you in your dick.”

Dont know how it started but thats us being stupid. 

Post # 45
Member
4063 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My husband changes the words to every song to either be about me, the dog or our son. I always tell him he missed a career as the second Weird Al.

We started calling our dog “poopoo” at one point, so now everything he does is associated with poo, or pooping. Like when I hit my leg and the dog licked it he was “Dr PooPoo, POOhd”.

I like to harass him when he’s pooping and talk to him through the door. “Whatchya doin? I miss you!”. He gets SO MAD.

My son loves to run around naked after a bath, so we now have a family song we sing called “running naked baby”. Both sets of grandparents know it and sing it.

My husband also thinks it’s hilarious to honk the horn at someone as they’re getting into your car. So he’ll come ot pick me up at work and as I walk in front of the car to get to the passenger side he’ll just lay on the horn.

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