Weird couple rituals

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 46
5109 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

I’m so relieved that so many dog parents use Mommy and Daddy as nicknames, despite having no human children. We call each other Mama and Daddy and I thought we were super weird. 

We have two wiener dogs. We like to sing songs and insert wiener where appropriate. For instance, the song “Dreamweaver” becomes “Dream wiener”. We also make up backstories and weird made up historical facts about our dogs/wiener dogs in general. We’ll say something like “Not a lot of people know this, but Benjamin Franklin was actually a wiener”. We have very elaborate stories about conspiracies to cover up the influence that wieners have on world events. 

I also do the butthole poke. Or the suprise dry hump when he’s bending over.

We watch a lot of nature documentaries, but only in bed. Along those lines, we saw one where this fish had a bunch of eggs and was checking on them by just mouthing them with its fish lips. Now we do that to the end of each other’s noses and say we’re checking on their egg.

Sometimes we’ll kiss, but not make any sound, just smush lips. It cracks us up everytime.

Post # 47
164 posts
Blushing bee

When we had cats, he would pick them up lion king style and do  the “ah zabenya” with them. We called it “high sue wen ya” as I didn’t know how to prounounce it. 

We talk for our dog a lot. “I’m sorry Mel, dad apparently doesn’t care about your need to go potty right now. He’s a selfish bastard.”

Any time I tell him to hold my hand, he starts singing the Michael Jackson song.

When there is a an ad before a tv show or a youtube video we wanted to show the other, we snap like Toby in the office and speak like him when he was showing the radon test kits. 

I have a weird obsession with poking/swatting his penis when I see it, he pokes my bruises. -_-

Any time I do something or threaten something, such as smacking his butt or threatening to pour a cap full of water on him, he responds “I’m going to get you back worse.” or “If you do that, I’ll get you back worse.” He follows through too, so I’ll dump a tiny bit of water on him, he’ll dump a full cup on me. I’ll put one ice cube down his shirt, he’ll put a whole handul down mine. It is unfair really. I’ll try to threaten him first “If you do that, I’ll get you worse.” but he then says it back, until I get really plaintive and am like “No, I do it worse! Me!”

I did really bad at a job interview, and stumbled on words when explaining how he is the higher earner between the two of us. Being very supportive as I was telling him this, he said “I make small money, he make big money!” (in Kevin’s voice from the office) and now it is the running joke between us. 

When it isn’t my birthday, but I want something, I will tell him “but you have to do it, it is my “bird-day!” 

When he is saying something cute about how much he loves me or something, I will be playful and look down at my hand (where my ring finger is-we aren’t engaged yet) and be like “hmmmm how strange. Something is missing.” or just look down and then look at him. 

We also did weird voices for our cats. One was very rich fancy man, and the other uppity british lady.

When he says “f you” to me (playfully) I respond back in the tiny, high pitched  “f yeeeewwww!” 

I like to slowly and randomly peek my head in the shower curtain when he is showering, staying silent until he notices me. 

We like to stand in front or block the other person when they are doing somethng, quoting Jim from the Office “If I’m not looking west, I’m not living.” 

(We quote the Office a lot)


Post # 48
1251 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

This thread is amazing! I love how many other couples dry-hump each other/do the butthole poke. For us it started as a game of chicken where we would chase each other around trying to poke each other in the butt but it bothered him more than me so he gave up and now I just do it to him and he yells, “Are you insane??? Go wash your hands!” even though he’s fully clothed hahaha

Another weird thing we do is that when I want attention I will meow, typically from another room, and he’ll come find me and give me cuddles.

He steals theme songs from shows and makes them about our dog (i.e. “Who’s that girl? It’s Molly!”)

I like to point out when I can see his penis through his pants. I point and go, “I see it, it’s right there,” and he says, “Leave him alone. He’s fine.”

If I bother or tickle him when he’s trying to read at night he says, “Go sit in the shed.” I don’t know why but this makes me laugh a lot. Also, we don’t have a shed.

Post # 49
2497 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

These are hilarious, Bees!

Darling Husband has a spectacular butt that I grab, squeeze, fondle, tap, rub, etc. every chance I get. He is equally as obsessed with mine. So our hugs always turn into a competition of who can grab the other’s butt first, as stealthily as possible. We try to distract each other by gazing deeply into the other’s eyes, talking about something important, or saying I love you… but it’s all distraction tactics. 

We are mommy and daddy to our two Siberian Huskies and we constantly speak in their designated voices. We also narrarate their activities. And then narrarate our activites in their voices. It’s a jumble and it’s hilarious.

Our morning ritual includes all 4 of us (2 humans and 2 huskies) in the closet at once. Our male husky thinks he’s our personal fashion consultant; no one is allowed in the closet without his supervision. He also likes to sniff all of the products on our bathroom counter for QC purposes.  Our female husky is the assistant fashion consultant. She handles accessories and shoes. We always ask our huskies for assistance with our outfits, shoes, hair, and makeup. 

I like to rub my butt on him (think twerking style) when he’s not expecting it (brushing his teeth, making dinner, etc.) because it makes him laugh uncontrollably. 

Post # 50
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2021 - British Columbia, Canada

I’m dying laughing at all the other butt people on here! After reading through this thread I’ll cop to my own butt confession.

Back story – my dad has the loudest clap I’ve EVER heard. I’m hearing impaired, and I’ve still managed to clearly pick out his clap at sporting events growing up even if I didn’t know ahead of time he was there. I pinpointed exactly where he and my mom were sitting in the audience of my graduation (in a class of 500, so well over 1,000 people in the audience) because of this. It’s SO weird and distinctive and just deeply resonate. Naturally, my brothers and I have tried to imitate it for years, but none of our spindly long fingers can recreate it. However, to my uncontainable joy I’ve found that when I clench my thumb and cup my palm juuuuuuuust right, I can make almost the exact same sound (on a much quieter scale because obviously I don’t put much force at all behind it) when I clap… Right on my boyfriend’s bare butt wink The poor guy will get lulled into a false sense of security when I don’t do it for awhile and think it’s safe to walk around in pajama pants or boxers, which is basically a homing beacon for me to stealthily bide my time, then one quick yank on the waistband and POW! It echoes right out into the parking lot of our building when the windows are open. Then I run like hell because he gets mad (weirdo doesn’t think it’s funny or appreciate my lifelong achievement).

Post # 51
318 posts
Helper bee

There are probably loads but one that springs to mind is FH will kind of grab each of my toes in turn and do the This Little Piggy rhyme. Having my toes touched tickles and (irrationally) freaks me out at the same time, so I will progressively squeal more and freak out more until the story reaches its climax.

I also have him hold my foot when we’re watching TV and cuddled up on the sofa. It’s weirdly comforting?!

This makes it sound like we have some kind of foot fetish but that’s definitely not the case. 

Post # 52
1251 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

hispanicimpressions :  I also have my Fiance hold my foot while we’re on the couch! I thought I was a weirdo.

Post # 53
318 posts
Helper bee

NikkiBee18 :  HA, no way, I definitely didn’t think anyone else would do that. 

It’s particularly nice when I have cold feet and his hands are really warm. 

Post # 54
2011 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

We change the pronunciation of words and it’s like our own secret language.  Ha got to be careful, we don’t use it in company though. Lol

Post # 55
75 posts
Worker bee

My SO and I grab each other’s feet on the couch too! That’s so weird … lol!

Another funny ritual we have is we always give each other 4 kisses. Always, it doesn’t matter what situation we’re in. It started with him saying he can’t give me an odd number of kisses. How we got to 4 instead of 2 is beyond me. 

We also have a morbid way to deal with stress. If either of us gets annoyed with a person, think road rage, annoying coworker, rude strangers, the other one says “dead.” That stems from a messed up conversation where we talked about the people we would kill if we ruled the world. (Yeah I know … lol) Just that one “dead” is normally enough to chill the other one out which is 

And we have a rabbit as a pet, and she always agrees with our side of the argument. And we’re bunny mommy and daddy too. 

Nice to know that we’re weird, but everyone else is too. tongue-out

Post # 56
3787 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

Mrs.MilitaryBee :  haha “Dont make me punch you in the uterus, and he will respond back, “Dont make me punch you in your dick” this made me laugh out loud at my desk. SO and I jokingly threaten each other with physical violence all the time too, usually towards each others genitals haha… Isnt that normal? lol. 

Post # 57
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

kimmacph :  Jolly/Molly need to go on a double date with Mr. Otterton and Otteralia!!!!!

Post # 60
2006 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

thesecondwife :  Haha. We’ll say “oh, you got a a wiggle butt. Look at that wiggle butt.” 

So yeah, totally normal. 😛 

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