(Closed) Weird Ex thoughts/feelings coming up. Not really doubting, but…

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 32
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Looking back on my own situation it sounds identical to you. I was with my ex for 2.5 years through my late teenage years – it was passionate, we were obsessed with eachother, but we would probably have about 1 big fight a day.  We broke up and I was devastated, tried to get him back, nearly a year later and I just got over him. Fast forward another 18 months after that and I met my now husband. We were great friends for ages before we started dating, and when we did it was amazing. But the passion for me died a little more quickly than with my ex. (nt that the passion is dead!!) What I had with my ex was a whirlwind and not healthy, and what I have with my husband is trust, friendship, reliability, love, someone who will 100% be there for me forever. I love my husband so much and I am crazy for him! But at the beginning of the relationship (like the first year) i had crazy doubts about how my ex might have been “the one” or I didn’t love my current bf enough because I didn’t text him 200 times a day (as I did with my ex)

 

However now I realise that was not normal and I wouldn’t change what I have now for anything in the world. I had to cut off contact with my ex completely to get over him but it was worth it. As far as I know he is married now also and has a little boy and I can genuinely be happy for him with no residual feelings for him at all.

 

Good luck with your wedding. I think what you are feeling is very normal but cutting contact would be a good idea

Post # 34
Member
1540 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

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@hopestruck:  So happy things are going well for you. It was a good thing that you dealt with these feelings before getting married. Marriage is a HUGE commitment, and I think they can sometimes bring up weird emotions.

 

Good luck with your future!

Post # 36
Member
13535 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Glad to hear that things have worked out well for you. 

Post # 37
Member
1958 posts
Buzzing bee

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@hopestruck:  Congratulations on your recent nuptuals!

I just wanted to say that I agree with other posters about everything from feeling the need to fill a void with men’s approval from lack of a positive relationship with my father, as well as wondering about my exes when my DH and I were getting closer. It is all just a coping mechanism, and it is meant to be insightful. Passion is a wonderful thing, and it’s always nice to get your blood flowing, but it sounds like the love you have with your husband is a much longer lasting love. This was something I had to come to terms with as well before my own marriage, and it was the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me. I’ve never been so happy, and I’m so happy that you have found the same happiness.

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