(Closed) Weird Place at the Moment

posted 11 months ago in Home
Post # 2
Member
2484 posts
Buzzing bee

If you are buying the house, why aren’t you moving in during the time before you are married?

Also, can’t you still decorate and cook dinner most nights?  I would think you are going to be buying furniture and decorations during this time, right?  Unless he is going to live in an empty house until after the wedding.

I’m not sure of your rules about this, but it seems like most everything besides maybe cleanind and laundry can be done now.  

Post # 3
Member
407 posts
Helper bee

I understand if you’re waiting to live together until you’re married, but can’t you still come over and cook dinner with him most nights?

Post # 4
Member
3093 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

I’m confused as to why he is moving into the house that you, individually, are purchasing and you’re not? I get not wanting to live together before marriage – that’s not my thing but I can respect it – but this set up makes no sense to me. Why don’t you move in first so you can start making it a home before he moves in?

Regardless of who lives there first, whichever of you doesn’t live there until after the wedding can still hang out there most evenings, have dinner, paint/decorate/etc.

Post # 6
Member
2484 posts
Buzzing bee

graced :  I understand why you aren’t moving in together at this time, but I am unsure why you are buying the house and he is moving in instead of you.

I also didn’t realize decorating a home and cooking dinner together before marriage was against any religion.  #themoreyouknow

 

Post # 10
Member
2484 posts
Buzzing bee

When is the wedding?  

My only advice to you is to be patient and know this feeling and time in your life is only temporary. 

While I’m not religious and didn’t have the rules that you are dealing with, my fiance and I lived about an hour away from each other for the first 2.5 years of our relationship.  It was hard being that far away from each other for extended periods of time, but it was worth it to wait it out for when the time was right for us to live together.  

 

Post # 12
Member
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I completely understand that you’re trying to be respectful and adhere to moral/religious boundaries, but there’s no way I would be able to buy a house and then not be able to spend time in it after dark. By all means, stick to what works for your relationship, religion, and family life, but also remember that you are definitely succeeding at “adulting” because YOU BOUGHT A HOUSE. That’s an incredible achievement! And you also have every legal right to live in that house regardless of what your parents say, if you so choose. 

Post # 13
Member
4558 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

 

Comments removed for snark and criticism of nesting / religious choices.

Post # 14
Member
299 posts
Helper bee

So you can buy a house, your fiance (?) can move in, and you are planning a wedding, but you can’t have dinner with your to be husband at the house you own? Because you might do something in the dark alone that you wouldn’t do if the sun was shining and you were alone? Have you ever spent alone time with him? How long have you been dating?

None of this really makes any sense to me, but to each their own. I think you’ve put yourself in an unfortunate situation and just have to ride it out until you one day might get married in maybe 2019 or 2020.

Good luck bee, I know that must be hard.

Post # 15
Member
3093 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

I’m not gonna jump in here on judging you for your moral choices – I don’t understand what purpose that serves other than to make others feel superior somehow.

You have your religious beliefs and your moral boundaries and you are perfectly entitled to living your life my them. Of course, if they are your parents’ rules and you disagree with them, you are also very much allowed to break or bend those rules how you see fit. But if you’re not comfortable doing that, that is understandable.

Now that you’ve ecplained a bit more, I can make some more sense of what you are doing and why, and it does make a lot of sense in the context you’ve given. Unfortunately, I think that aside from bending your own moral boundaries, your only real option here is to be patient. I can imagine you’re pretty excited about having a new house and looking foward to settling in with your husband, decorating and making it feel like a home. But maybe that process will feel more fulfilling for you if you do leave the bulk of the nesting until after you’ve moved in. It’ll feel more like it’s the two of you making it your home if you do it together as a married couple than if you pop by during daylight hours to decorate a bit here and there before you’re even living there. 

Best of luck with the house purchase and the marriage 🙂

Hopefully the time flies by!!

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