- 6 years ago
- Wedding: November 2013
My mom never bought me toys when I asked for them. Instead, she would wait until I did something good or got a good grade and would then give me the toys I wanted as a surprise a few days later. I’m planning on using this rule with my kids.
Whenever I was punished for doing something bad, she would sit me down and really explain to me what I did wrong and check my understanding by having me repeat it to her in my own words. Then she’d put me in time-out, or (very rarely) spank me, and right after she’d hug me and say that she loved me. This is a good rule, I think.
My mom was super overprotective and never let me go to slumber parties or go to my friends’ houses, although my friends were always welcome to come to my house. I think this really hurt my social development, so I’m not planning on using this rule.
Also since I’m Asian, my family/culture kinda worships food and I was raised to regard food as the #1 necessity in life. As a result, I was asked/told 50 times a day, “Are you hungry? Do you want to eat? Remember to drink your milk, drink water, etc.” I’m not going to put such an emphasis on food, but I will focus on nutritious and balanced meals.
And because of the importance of respect for elders in my culture, there’s a rule that basically says if an older sibling is deliberately provoking or annoying their younger sibling, and the younger one yells at or disrespects the older one, the younger one is in the wrong, even though the younger one is the victim. Respect above all else. I think that’s a stupid rule. While I think even very young children need to be taught to stand up for themselves respectfully, I don’t think they should be taught to accept victimization just because they’re younger than someone else. The older sibling must also be held accountable for their actions.