(Closed) Weird Rules Your Parents Had That You Want to Keep As A Parent….

posted 6 years ago in Parenting
Post # 92
Member
1075 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

My mom never bought me toys when I asked for them. Instead, she would wait until I did something good or got a good grade and would then give me the toys I wanted as a surprise a few days later. I’m planning on using this rule with my kids.

Whenever I was punished for doing something bad, she would sit me down and really explain to me what I did wrong and check my understanding by having me repeat it to her in my own words. Then she’d put me in time-out, or (very rarely) spank me, and right after she’d hug me and say that she loved me. This is a good rule, I think.

My mom was super overprotective and never let me go to slumber parties or go to my friends’ houses, although my friends were always welcome to come to my house. I think this really hurt my social development, so I’m not planning on using this rule. 

Also since I’m Asian, my family/culture kinda worships food and I was raised to regard food as the #1 necessity in life. As a result, I was asked/told 50 times a day, “Are you hungry? Do you want to eat? Remember to drink your milk, drink water, etc.” I’m not going to put such an emphasis on food, but I will focus on nutritious and balanced meals.

And because of the importance of respect for elders in my culture, there’s a rule that basically says if an older sibling is deliberately provoking or annoying their younger sibling, and the younger one yells at or disrespects the older one, the younger one is in the wrong, even though the younger one is the victim. Respect above all else. I think that’s a stupid rule. While I think even very young children need to be taught to stand up for themselves respectfully, I don’t think they should be taught to accept victimization just because they’re younger than someone else. The older sibling must also be held accountable for their actions. 

 

 

 

Post # 93
Member
1075 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Wrenny:  I’m Asian, so no one in my family wears shoes in the house. Instead we keep tons of slippers around for everyone, even visitors, to wear around the house. 

My FI’s family wear their shoes in the house, though, and although I understand it takes some getting used to, it bugs me when he forgets to take off his shoes in my house. The worst is when he puts up his feet on the coffee table, the couch and even the bed (!!!) while wearing shoes, ugh!

Post # 94
Member
1721 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

1. 1 soda a week on Sundays or Saturday only. And you must drink a milk before the soda.

2. Chores. I was a kid who had a mother do it all for us. Thus, I had no clue how to really clean when I moved out and had to use a lot of trial and error methods.

3. MUST choose an extracirricular activity, whether it be dance, soccer, piano, etc.

4. Homework must be done before dinner unless there is an EC activity.

 

Post # 95
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

great thread! I will be implementing some of these ideas as well : )

Post # 96
Member
2432 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I love this thread! 

Parent rules I intend to keep:

  • No TV while eating dinner, and everyone was expected to sit at the table and socialize. DH’s family was VERY different — as teenagers, they fixed their plates then took them into their bedrooms to eat. I hated that (sidenote: we started dating in high school, so I was actually around then!). Definitely keeping this rule.
  • No pop/soda with dinners, unless we were eating pizza. We (DH and I) haven’t had a single soda in at least 10 years — he stopped drinking it, so I decided to as well. In the house at least, there won’t be any soda available. They’ll be welcome to have a little (within reason) once they’re school-aged and it’s a special occasion (friend’s birthday party).
  • No ears pierced until after Kindergarten. This is a rule I definitely intend to keep. It seems weird to modify a person’s body in a painful manner before they’re old enough to understand it or even request it. I was 6 when I got mine done, and I was at least old enough to understand the importance of cleaning my ears. 

Rules I didn’t have, that I intend to implement:

  • Chore charts. Darling Husband had a much stricter schedule for chores, which has become habit. He’s much better about staying on top of vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom, etc. because it is just second nature to him. We got off far too easy with very few chores. I don’t want chores to become a burden, but there will be a few daily expectations (making bed, taking out the trash, and helping with dishes).
  • Limited screen time for television, video games, and the computer. This comes from watching my nieces and nephews being glued to their electronic devices for hours on end. Kids need more time for imaginative play and burning off energy outside. They’ll be allowed to use electronics, it will just be limited. 

Post # 97
Member
1579 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

My parents were extremely strict with me growing up and a little more lax with my sisters.  I wouldn’t even know where to start with rules since there’s thousands of them. I probably broke every single one of them but even by doing that, I was not a “bad kid” on ANYONE’s radar.  They started loosening up once I hit 17/18ish thankfully but that meant my 12/13 year old sisters got it easy during the hardest parts.

Darling Husband and I grew up almost opposite so I think we’ll take some from him and some from me.  The ones that stand out:

I was not allowed to quit anything.  ANYTHING.  Which meant that I would have to think long and hard (at age 5) if I really wanted to do this sport/instrument/etc. because I would have to keep with it for years and years to come.  That give me an extremely packed schedule growing up but I did some pretty cool things and I had confidence knowing I was great in those few things.  I don’t like giving up as an adult and I’m glad I feel that way, unlike others who give up when it gets too hard.  FIL let Darling Husband give up lots of stuff and he never grew up participating in anything.  He really hates that he didn’t stick those things now because he truly was great at it.

My mother refused to talk to me about sex ed or anything.  She got me a book and left it on my bed at 12 and that was the last we spoke of it.  That meant I grew up with a LOT of questions and only friends to turn too.  My sisters were raised the same way so I try to be there for them but it makes me so uncomfortable.  I would love to figure out how to talk to your kids about this, epsecially girls, and do it with mine

 

 

 

 

 

Post # 98
Member
688 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

– Eat our veggies, unless I could negotaite (just 2 more bites, 2 and half!)

– No quitting sports until end of season (I never did, but I would never have been allowed to up and quit in the middle)

– My nanny used to make my sister and I finish our meal before we could drink our milk or water. It was HORRIBLE!

– Watch where I’m walking (I cannot stand it when I am walking in the mall and some little kid is staring at his feet, wandering all over, and the parents just let it go ahead and happen. My dad was a stickler for getting us to watch where we were going. If we ran into something, it was our fault and we had to apologize)

– As a kid from age 14/15 and up, whenever I shook someones hand it had to be firm (my dad was also a stickler for firm handshakes, he was like the Hank Hill of handshakes)

 

Other than that the rules were pretty basic. No hitting, no fighting, no swearing… basic stuff.

 

Post # 99
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Put a set amount of money recieved and earned into savings (my parents started this when I was 12 years old, and I am SO glad that they did.)

No opposite sex in the bedrooms.

No dating til 16.

No cell phone/car/etc til they can pay for it on their own.

Job at 16.

Also, there will be a curfew. Until I got married and moved out, it was typically 9:30 on weeknights, and 11:00 on Friday and Saturdays. (I got married at 18 so this was not an issue for me.)

I’m very grateful for the guidelines they put in place for me, it put me in a good position when I was ready to make some big life decisions (money set aside for college, was able to deal well with finances when completely independent, learned how to work, and was able to perform well at school because I turned in at a decent time every night.) I have some great parents.

Post # 100
Member
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

This is a really interesting thread!

There are a few rules I hated growing up, but now I see the value in. I was only allowed to watch 6 hours of TV a week, unless we were on vacation or something. I remember visiting my aunt and cousin who we didn’t see very often, and my older cousin asking if I wanted to watch a movie with her. I told her I wasn’t allowed because I’d already watched 5 of my 6 hours that week, and my mom had to explain that it was ok to make an exception with family haha.

I was also only allowed to have one “snack” a week. I could have fruit or veggies if I wanted (although I didn’t often want them), but chips, ice cream, etc, were only allowed once a week, and my parents dished it out haha. This only worked until I was about 12 or 13. Then I’d just wait til my parents went to bed and eat whatever I wanted. Their plan backfired at that point. 

I was never allowed to play video games, we didn’t even own a console, but that could be because I had no brothers. I would love to continue that rule for my children since I feel like it was probably the single most beneficial rule they had. I learned to love to read and entertain myself without vegging in front of a screen for hours. My hubby LOVES his Playstation though, so there may be an issue about this one in the future haha. 

Post # 101
Member
2422 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

my parents didnt let me have a TV in my room till i was a teenager, nor did they let me spend hrs in front of the computer and i was only allowed to watch TV on a friday after school and the weekend, not during the school week, which i think is awesome as we were out climbing trees and being active etc , which is something ill definitely enforce on my poor kiddys 😉

also NO ipads/iphones for littlies, i see people use these as babysitters waaaay too often.

Post # 102
Member
2853 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

*No allowance – chores were assigned and were completed, otherwise you were grounded

*Parents paid for and took care of any needs we may have had, but any wants were put on birthday and Christmas wish lists or purchased with birthday or Christmas money. Basically….no back-to-school shopping trips aside from basics, no random trips to toy stores.

*Candy/chocolate/pop was only allowed on Saturday nights, where we had family movie night.

*No adult TV/movies until I was 13+. This was a good rule, since when I was 11 I secretly watched the movie IT at a friend’s house, and I had nightmares about killer clowns for WEEKS after. My brother had a similar experience with Robocop, where he had nightmares after.

*I made the mistake of asking where my present was, of a kid invited to my birthday party when I turned 9 – for my ungrateful and expectant attitude, my friends were all invited to unwrap my presents and choose what they wanted from the lot (just what was brought to the party). I was left with a flourescent pink t-shirt. Valuable lesson learned.

*I was expected to provide my parents with a list of all my friends, the names of their parents, their phone numbers and addresses, all the way to 16. This way if I said I was going to Stella’s house, I better be at Stella’s house if my mom called.

*Sleepovers, play-time, and dinner invitations to and from friends were discussed in private. If I asked my mum in front of my friend if my friend could stay the night, it was an automatic NO and the friend had to go home until I learned my lesson that it’s impolite to put people on the spot.

*My parents’ bedroom was off-limits, unless we were invited in, and unless we were ill in the night. They kept their own private space that was kid and kid-related-items free. The reason I loved this though, was the rare nights where my parents went out and I got to sit in their bed and watch my mom put her makeup on, and I’d help her pick out clothes and put on perfume. I thought my mom was the most beautiful and elegant woman I’d ever met. Her closet was full of beauty and wonder for me….and I was glad their room was given special reverance, since it made it special every time I went in there.

There’s a lot more, my parents were pretty strict. BUT….I’m glad they were since I think I needed that. I’ll probably be fractionally more lenient with my kids, but not by much.  

 

Post # 103
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My parents had so many rules, many of them pretty ridiculous to me at the time but that now I will probably be using myself. We had no TV’s in our bedrooms, we always shared rooms, my dad made us sit down once a month at least for family night (playing cards, a board game, etc), and the main one I will def. be using is that when we were grounded (mostly for getting anything other than a A/B on a report card or acting out) we could not leave the kitchen table when at home until we were ready to go to bed. I knew so many kids that got grounded to their bedrooms, but their bedrooms had video games, books, toys, tv;s, and a phone- what kind of punishment is that?! 

 

My dad also started giving us a small allowance around 10-12 yrs old. Instead of handing us cash though, he would put it in a savings account and we had to budget appropriately to use it for our fun activities, back to school clothes shopping, and christmas gifts. Taught me some very good money management & budgeting skills early on!

He also made sure to take us out for date nights once a month- rotating between all 4 of my brothers & sisters. We’d go out to a movie or an amusement park & follow it up w dinner & dessert. It gave him the opportunity to fairly & still within budget treat us all a little while building a closer relationship. We had some great heart to hearts on those date nights!

 

Post # 104
Member
1153 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

We had a LOT of rules growing up because we were raised as Jehovahs Witnesses. No birthdays, holidays, couldn’t eat birthday treats from classmates on their birthdays, couldn’t participate in holiday related activities. We HAD to go to church 3x/week (Tuesday nights were the worse because church ran from 7-9:15pm) and I always remember being exhausted and struggling to stay awake. I wasn’t allowed to sleep over at school friends houses (only church friend) My mom is the 3rd oldest of 12 so she didn’t get a lot of food choices growing up, her solution to that was to be VERY liberal with us. My brother Phil doesn’t like most “white colored” food, for example ricotta cheese, so my mom would make him a separarte lasagna without ricotta cheese on it. I REFUSED to eat sandwiches, so my mom would make me a separate lunch from the other kids. My mom ended up being the lunch lady at my elementary school my 5th & 6th grade years and I didn’t ever have to eat what was on the menu, I could choose anything in the kitchen to eat. All of this has caused me to be a crazy picky eater.

Darling Husband was raised very secluded from everyone because his parents taught him that basically his only friend in life was his sister. He wasn’t allowed to play with toys during the week or watch tv only on the weekends. He said he NEVER had friends over, ever. He said after school every day he went to his room and did homework until dinner time then got ready for bed after dinner. As a result he has NO childhood friends & a sister who has an innapropriate love for her brother. It’s all so very awkward.

For our LO I want it to have life long friends, balance in life, and be able to experience lots of things. I don’t believe in hard fast rules like you can “never ever” do this or that, but I think it will be important to have balance, consistency & routine in our lives.

Post # 105
Member
3464 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

My mom has her famous set of rules:

#1 don’t get pregnant – or get someone pregnant

#2 Do not get arrested

#3 Don’t get yourself killed 

Her edits as we got older were this: If you DO get pregnant do it AFTER you turn 18, If you DO get arrested do it BEFORE you turn 18 so you dont get tried as an adult, and If you die well you can’t do any of the other things so don’t worry about it. lol my mom has an odd sense of humor

Post # 106
Member
1780 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Well it was considered “weird” and “strict” by the people i grew up around but my kids will follow these….mainly because in this world you cant trust anyone:

1.  not allowed to stay the night with/go out of town(even next town over)/ run around with or go over to anyones house…UNLESS I HAVE MET THEM AND THEIR PARENTS/caregivers(who ever will be supervising while out of my care….while they are groing up, my parents let this up when i was 17….but i still like doing it and in light of all the crazy kidnappings and such i agree…..

2. First car is ALWAYS a safe OLD clunker….when you prove you are respoinsible for a vehichle, ie. maintaining tires, oil changes, and general car care (*not paying for it but knowing it needs done….ex: Hey dad my back left tire has went down to 15lbs of air 3 times this week, i think we should get it checked)…..then we talk a nicer car…..with your help of course….

3.No dating until age 16,and i have to meet the boy and his parents….(some of these sound really strict…but uh yeah in my hometown it was nothing abnormal….everyone did it….every guy i dated in highschool (small town most knew each other anyways) we didnt go on a date until parents met until after the age of like17 when we stopped carring….

4. You screw up You pay for it….get busted drinking underage, doing something stupid, i will not come pick you up at 3 am, you can sit till i go to work at 0515, and you pay for any diversions or anything you get as a result of it….also they pay all speeding tickets….

5. You dont like what i deem an acceptable price of clothes for you (ie target jeans arent good enough you want $150 pair of jeans) then you get up and get a job and buy them yourselves……

mine sound strict but i had an easier time transitioning into independent adulthood then most i know….and im thankful for that i grew up understanding the value of hardwork and a dollar….

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