(Closed) Weird situation – should I contact him?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
1444 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

nyyysf2014:  Don’t text him. If I were you, in the meantime, I’d pursue other options. I met my husband on okcupid (: If he does text you back, it’s not like you’re beholden to him and did something wrong by talking to other guys.

Post # 18
Member
9595 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

nyyysf2014:  hold back and just observe. If he wants to be with you, he WILL make the effort. If you make the effort he might just go along with it it to get laid/out of boredom. So just… See what happens and stop making moves.

Post # 19
Member
1444 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

nyyysf2014:  I really hope he does text you, and he just hasn’t yet because he’s nervous or something. I would be really confused if I was in your shoes too!

At the end of the day, you’re a grown woman, and it’s your decision. If you want to text him, do it. You know him better than we do. Just make it clear to him that you meant what you said. You could say something like, “Just so you know, if you want to pursue me, you have to woo me 😉 Otherwise, thanks for breakfast!”

Post # 20
Member
558 posts
Busy bee

I’m in the opposite camp of “let him come after you”: we’re grown adults and we should be free to act on our desires and dreams. IMO, if you want to go out with him again, text him and see if he wants to go out again! It’s not like you have been swamping him with texts, or any other kind of behavior that could be making him uncomfortable. You were simply up front and told him you wanted a relationship and it went well. Why not be up front again? You essentially risk nothing by texting him – either he’s into it or he’s not. And, in the meanwhile, he may be interpreting your drunkeness plus lack of contact as disinterest. If he’s not into you, that will become clear soon enough. I just don’t see any point in sitting around waiting on him to initiate when you could be either setting up plans or moving on. Good luck! 🙂

Post # 21
Member
811 posts
Busy bee

I am in the group of “if he’s into you he’ll call” but then again he may be a slow mover.. My current SO and I started out this way, but he is a very slow mover and was really shy. But then again, he would always find some excuse to text me or call me when he was driving home from work to feel it out. But at the beginning they were a few days apart. I’d say give it another day? I don’t know!

Post # 23
Member
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

nyyysf2014:  I would not ask him more questions about if he wants to date you!!!! He just told you he wanted to date you. And texts like “I haven’t heard from you all week” and the explanation that he had thought at the start of hooking up that you were moving away… well those are promising.

  You are TOO worried about being disappointed again.

 

It kills me that you resumed hooking up with him as a friend with benefits but now that he very well may be telling the truth about also wanting a relationship, you are about to sabotage it by asking him if he wants to date you — again!! The talk you had last time you hooked up was brave and appropriate but enough relationship talk for now. This may sound harsh but I think that question would strike a man as being an insecure comment. (Us women GET it, your worries tonight dont make you an insecure woman. All single women have had these moments)

In my experience, if a friends with benefits relationship is to turninto dating, two things are needed: 1) a willing man AND 2) a relaxed woman who can let things develop organically. (I’ve had an FWB become serious, resulting in a proposal a few years later myself)  You just had a talk with him recently about the two of you. Now spend some time doing things for you without him as well as focusing on what you like about him. You sound cool and I have a good feeling about this besides.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by  littlechickie.
  • This reply was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by  littlechickie.
  • This reply was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by  littlechickie.
  • This reply was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by  littlechickie.
Post # 25
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

nyyysf2014:  

bananafairy:  I am 100% with you on this!!  Women need to stop making up all these mindgames in our own heads about what guys are thinking- most of the time we’re totally wrong.  Guys are simple beings so stop dancing around the subject and just ask him out on a date- an actual date, not a midnight hookup.  If you are interested, go for it but don’t settle for just FWBs if you want more because the only person that will be dissapointed in that scenario is you.  I made this mistake and wasted 8 months not just hooking up with a guy but developing what I thought was an actual relationship and finally I told him straight up that I needed more than that and he gave me the old “why do we have to put a label on it” line- so I broke it off and 2 months later met my (now) Fiance. 

And FYI- there’s no rule that says its all on the guy to make the first move or second or third for that matter.  I met my Fiance when we were both drunk strangers in a bar, we ended up making out that night and exchanging numbers and the next day I texted him and asked him out.  Now, 5 years later we’re getting married, so if you want it, go for it and stop being scared of what he will say.  If it turns out he’s not into and actual relationship with you, move on.

Post # 27
Member
231 posts
Helper bee

You still ended up texting him? Even after the majority said you shouldn’t even after you said you shouldn’t. How are you feeling now he hasn’t written back? Pretty shit I assume. Why do that to yourself? This isn’t about the whole “women should be allowed to chase if they wish” this is about self respect. Get some. You clearly didn’t want honest advice, you just wanted us to validate your desire to speak to him. For the very last time men are simple creatures, there are no mixed messages, if he wanted to be with you he would. End of story 

Post # 28
Member
231 posts
Helper bee

nyyysf2014:  “busy” is a polite way of blowing you off 

Post # 29
Member
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

nyyysf2014:  I see where you’re coming from but you and he just decided you are dating a couple days ago so I don’t think he has done anything wrong. I know there are Bees on here who have met their Darling Husband who knew they wanted to marry them on the first date or who at least was burning up their phones with calls/texts right away but not all happily married Bees experienced this from what I read.

i would seriously give it a few weeks to see what he does and how you are feeling about him because segueing from FWB to SO might be a big deal to him – let him get used to it. You two might just have to go on dates first before he will be your steady SO, to experience new activities and roles with each other.

Post # 30
Member
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

louiseey:  Wow! I don’t think a text will scare away a guy you are meant to be with. It’s not THAT precarious. And I wouldn’t reinforce her disappointment at not hearing back from her text immediately. OP is already preoccupied with a fear of looking foolish.

None of us know why he didn’t answer immediately but being old enough to remember an era in which men telephoned women and answering machines existed, I know that sometimes a guy is sleeping or working. And there was one guy in college who called me two Thursdays a month all semester after our one little date, just to talk,( no invites to go out) but he told me a year later when we did become steady that he liked me that way all that time so go figure.

I did suggest to OP to not stress either of them out by any more relationship questions for awhile but a text is fine in the 21st century 🙂

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by  littlechickie.

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