(Closed) Weird situation – should I contact him?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 32
Member
231 posts
Helper bee

littlechickie:  yes a text is fine. A fine way to demonstrate to this man that he has OP on the hook. We women should be empowering other women not encouraging them to waste their valuable time on men who are either not interested or not willing to put in the effort that OP deserves 

Post # 33
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I relayed this story to my fiancé and he said it sounded like this guy just wants sex. I would back way off and let him come to you. I know it’s so hard. But ultimately, if he doesn’t contact you, you don’t want him anyways. 

Post # 34
Member
231 posts
Helper bee

nyyysf2014:  I am genuinely sorry you have to go through this, but please love and respect yourself enough to find a man who treats you the way you deserve to be treated 🙂 

Post # 36
Member
526 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

nyyysf2014:  I thought he might be interested in something more then sex until his last response.  “Really busy” is not good.  If he were interested in dating you, he would have followed up with “but would love to see you this weekend.”  Don’t waste your energy on this guy.  

Post # 37
Member
723 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I don’t play games. You’re reading too much into things IMO. If you tell him clearly what you want–to communicate every day, to go on dates every week, etc.–and then he bails or stops communicating or backs out, THEN you’ll know that he’s not interested. 

Trying to analyze his three-word texts, the exact #of hours it takes him to respond to your texts, etc. is a little crazy IMO. 

Be honest with him about what you’re looking for and what you want. If he freaks out, then he’s not right for you.

But I wouldn’t just end a potential relationship because of a vague text that he sent. If he ignores you or backs out on plans, then that’s another story. Be honest with him & you will find clarity.

Post # 38
Member
5476 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2019 - Paris, France

I think you should check out RORI RAYE … honestly.. it gives advice so you are not constantly thinking about HIM and more about YOU and in turn… he also thinks about you 🙂 Let the guy chase you. 

Post # 39
Member
6447 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m just responding to your first comment, I haven’t read any of your others if you posted.

nyyysf2014:  My husband and I met each other at work.  We vibed for a month or so, and then went out with co-workers to a bar.  We ended up sleeping together that night.  In my mind, it was a one night stand.  I was convinced no man would want to date a chick that slept with him so I chalked it up to “friends with benefits.”  I ended up texting him later that week.  We got together on a Tuesday, and then again on a Thursday.  In the span of that one week I realized I really actually had feelings for him, and that I couldn’t just consider him a friend.  He ended up asking me out that Saturday/Sunday.  And then told me that he had liked me from the very beginning (since he met me) so to him that “one night stand” was more than that to him.

so why did I write that big block of text?  Basically to say that you’re perfectly fine to text him first asking for a date.  

 

Post # 40
Member
3586 posts
Sugar bee

nyyysf2014:  Text him dont ask him if he wants to be with you. That is all something that needs to be done in person. Normally they say don’t cal or text after a first date but you have already slept together. You are two grown adults that are having sex and should be able to communicate. Don’t play this game of who will text who first. if you do you will just get the run around of oh i wasn’t sure what you wanted and he will say the same. If you want more just say it. If it ends with I’d rather just have sex than that would be the time to walk away. i wouldn’t continue if thats all he wants because it’s clear to us how you feel about him. Be honest and straight forward. 

I just read your update. you did your part now let him do his. If he does not text back than just back off.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by  huskylove9999.
Post # 41
Member
453 posts
Helper bee

Hmmm…

I think you’re probably going to overanalyze every little thing and flip-flop over your interpretations of what he’s doing until you gather up your courage and clearly ask him out (making it clear that it’s a date-date and not closer to “I’ll buy us pizza before we hook-up again!” type thing).

It’s okay to lay your cards on the table. Make it clear again while you’re sober that you want a relationship, not a sex friend. What you stand to lose is this purely sex-based relationship you’ve got going that’s mostly stressing you out, but what you stand to gain is a chance to establish a relationship with a guy you really like. It’d suck, obviously, if he turns you down or blows you off at that point, but then you can finally move on without psyching yourself out with “But he sent a ‘how you doin’?’ text to me that one time so clearly he cares about me and my well-being and that’s at least a step on the path to dating, which is what I really want!”

I hope this doesn’t sound harsh, that’s not my intention at all. You just sound pretty unhappy to be in limbo like this and unfortunately, the only way to get out of this situation is to clearly communicate what you want and see if he’s open to giving it to you.

Post # 42
Member
1161 posts
Bumble bee

Take control of your own life. Organise a meet up. Talk to him SOBER about what YOU want. Either he’ll want the same abdand you’ll be in a relationship or he won’t and you can move on. Me and my Fiance slept together a few times before I asked him out (literally said do you want to be my boyfriend), he said yes and we became a couple if he’d said no I’d have been disappointed bwould’ve known to move on and stopped wasting time becoming attached to him

Post # 43
Member
10865 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I’d leave him alone from now on.  You have your answer.  He let you down gently with the “so busy” line.  He knows how to date & if he wanted to, he would.  Obsessing over him isn’t doing you any good.

Time to move on to someone who will cherish you.

 

Post # 44
Member
8868 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

nyyysf2014:  The “busy” text is double-duty. It’s an excuse for why he hasn’t called you AND it warns you not to expect much from him coming up. I bet he could squeeze in a 2 hour sex date if you’re available, but no way he could find time for a 2 hour DATE-date. Don’t text him again. I have NEVER played mindgames and I think “The Rules” are ridiculous, but like a PP said, this is about self respect. Some people are saying you need to communicate with him, but you already have, right? Didn’t you already tell him exactly what you want? And he said “yeah, sure, that sounds great” but now his actions aren’t lining up with his words. You are absolutely 100% right that actions speak louder than words. If he says “yeah, we should totally date!” but continues treating you like a hookup (not calling, then answering your text with 4 words that basically say “don’t have time for you”) then he still sees you as a hookup. There’s no way in hell I would text this guy again (unless I was ok being just a hookup to him).

Post # 45
Member
1228 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

It’s Valentine’s Day this weekend.  Just leave him alone.  You already straight up told him you wanted a relationship, ball is in his court.  

Really, waiting for him to contact you is not playing games.  It’s about concentrating your time and efforts on yourself, your friends, your family, and your community, and not wasting it on people who haven’t earned it.  Even if he called you today and asked “Can I be your boyfriend?”, what would he have done to earn that privilege?  He needs to show more consideration and effort to be worthy of your notice.        

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