(Closed) Weird situation that is bothering the CRAP outta me

posted 9 years ago in Babies
Post # 17
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

@Mrs. DG: nooo i didnt mean for anyone to freak out! The way i was looking at it was.. She’s 45 now, and seeing how they havnt been able to conceive for 5 years it may take a while. Who kows how old she’ll be by then. But hey it may take a month never know! I wasn’t meaning they CAN’T have a child just saying I’ve heard from others its high risk. I personally wouldnt want to take that risk, but then again I dont know how it feels to be 45 and never have had children (I already have a little one 🙂 ).

Post # 18
Member
1033 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

My brother and I were late in life babies. We were born aunts and uncles because our half brother already had two children by the time we were born. It is a little strange explaining our family situation but you get used to it. It’s pretty funny telling everyone how I am 28 and have had great nieces and nephews for years now.

In my opinion, their wanting a baby is not your decision even if it may be high risk. Just be happy for them and love any future brother or sister should you get one. I can’t imagine how sucky it would have been if me and my brother hadn’t been accepted into our family the way we were. This is a very common situtaion really.

Post # 19
Member
1551 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I can sympathize with your stepmom.  She finally found the right guy…but now is not able to have a child with him.  Especially when she knows his ex-wife did have the opportunity to do so and she never will.  That has to be hard.  I can see how you being pregnant has her thinking about babies again.

That said, I’d not freak out about this too much.  I saw a study recently that said even WITH fertility treatment, it’s very rare for a 45-year-old to get pregnant using her own eggs…something like one percent…and that’s WITH fertility drugs or IVF.  And of the ones who do, a bit more than half will miscarry.  So unless she is willing to go the donor egg route..and put a LOT of money into it, it’s unlikely your new baby will be born already an aunt or an uncle.  Even if she does use donor eggs, at her age, there are no guarantees.

Post # 20
Member
2077 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I understand your situation, I have an aunt that is 14 years younger than me.

My grandfather and his wife (step-grandmother?) got married in their 50s and conceived a child in their late 50s/early 60s.  Rumor has it that she had thought that she was going through menopause.  She had all of the symptoms so they stopped using protection, I guess.  Either way, it really weirded me out when my aunt was born.

I’m not close with that side of my family, so I’ve only met her once.  However, when I did meet her, it wasn’t as odd as I imagined it would be.  I think that the thought of having an aunt or uncle younger than you is much worse than actually having one.

Post # 21
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Family is such a wonderful thing, I don’t think it’s a terrible thing for your baby to have an aunt or uncle that is younger then they are.  I have a pretty none traditional family and it is wonderful.  I am 16 and 17 years younger than my older sisters and have a sister who is almost 6 years younger than I am.  My oldest sister was a senior in college when my baby sister was born.  My mother was 42 years old when she had my sister and carried (a baby less than a year old) down isle at my sisters wedding,  My sister and oldest niece are 3 years apart.  I was 9 when my niece was born and have the neatest relationship with her and my 2 other nieces and 2 nephews.  

Keep an open mind!  Family is such a great thing reguardless of the age gapes or in your case lack there of.

Post # 22
Member
572 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

My neice has an aunt that is either a year older than her or younger than her.  I don’t know if she actually knows she’s her aunt but they do a lot together and are friends.

Post # 24
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Its a little strange.  Your stepmother should think about the risk involved in having a child so late in life.  Maybe they should think about adoption (maybe an older child..). 

 

I can tell you don’t think it is your decisioin and are just a little skeeved out… I would be too.

Post # 25
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

i would be a little weirded out by the situation too and you have every right to feel the way you do. but probably your stepmom has never quite given up the dream of having biological children all these years, and seeing the joy that pregnancy has brought to you and your husband’s lives most likely made her realize she wants to give this one more chance. frankly the odds are against her so you may be worrying for nothing. but if they do conceive, it’ll be great and you can raise your child as a cousin to their aunt/uncle. and don’t worry about your dad–my Future Father-In-Law remarried and had another son when he was 50 and it was probably the best thing that could have happened to him. we just celebrated his 60th birthday, and he looks a good 15 years younger than he is and is in better shape than men half his age. he is the coach of his son’s little league team and is still running around with all the kids. my FH and i have more of an uncle/aunt relationship with our brother/BIL, but we love spending time with him and he loves getting to spend weekends with us in new york. it’s a win for everyone.

Post # 26
Member
13563 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Gosh. This is tough. I would be weirded out too, and that’s a lot to be happening to your family dynamic. I hope things calm down.

Congratulations on your marriage and pregnancy!

Post # 27
Member
2790 posts
Sugar bee

Oh doll this is my life!! My father remarried when I was 10. They had 3 boys and then my older sister got pregnant with my nephew. Then my dad had my youngest brother. Everyone is spanned so far apart and people get really confused by the fact that my 5 year old nephew calls my 7 year old brother Uncle. I’ve totally had to go through the feelings of how awkward and confusing this is. Although, Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have some friends that are uncle and nephew and it ends up being more of a friend relationship then uncle/nephew relationship. We all hang out, they get along pretty well and they are 4 years apart. My nephew and my brother consider eachother best friends and love having one another. It may seem wierd to you but your child and that child could end up really being close.

Post # 28
Member
9028 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

i think at 45 its a bit late to be TTC but in the end they are adults in their own right and if thats what they want then no one can stop them but that would defintely be weird for me..

Post # 29
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I would try not to be so bothered by it. Im 24 and i have a sister who is two so myfuture child and her aunt will only be a few years apart. (We plan on TTC within in a year or so of the wedding)

I know youre frustrated but trust me it really will be ok!

Hugs

Post # 30
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I think from all the comments it is clear this isn’t a rare occurance. However, I know how you feel about things being weird. My stepmum and my mum, (same sex partners) are 45 and 46 respectively and had a baby in April this year. My stepmum carried her, and she is her first bio child. I was 21 when she was born. It was a HUGE change to the family dynamics. We went from being a ‘grown up’ family (my little sister is 18), to a family that revolves around feeding and sleeping times and is full of baby toys.

Once I got used to the changes though, it became great. I can’t really remember life before she arrived. Its like my baby sister was a missing piece of our family, and we didn’t know she was missing until she arrived.

The arrival of a baby is a joyous thing, no matter your age or relationship to the child. I wouldn’t worry about it too much, chances are your stepmum is just going through some baby fever due to finding out you are pregnant. Chances are she won’t get pregnant easily if at all. But if she does, your child will have a playmate and friend, and you will adjust to the situtation eventually.

Congrats and good luck for your pregnancy. 🙂

Post # 31
Member
1774 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I think it’s weird and selfish, especially since your pregnancy seemed to reignite it.  Unfortunately, I don’t see anything you can do besides accept it.  Hug!  That would annoy the crap out of me too!

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