Post # 1
I have a good friend that I’ve know for about 10 years. We don’t keep in touch all the time, but we catch up with each other every few months. We used to work together and after I left that job, I found out she was seeing our manager. He’s married and at the time had 4 kids. He kept telling her he would leave his wife for her, but 7 years later, he still hasn’t left his wife. He also had another child with his wife a couple of years ago, but told my friend that he doesn’t love his wife and the baby was an accident. When times were bad with his wife, as she knows he cheats, he moved in with my friend for awhile. He has since moved back in with his wife. He eventually got fired from that job.
He’s now on deployment but will be back in time when my wedding rolls around. I’ve always been supportive of my friend in everything else in her life, but also honest about how she deserves a man to be devoted to her and not telling her these things to string her along. I don’t believe he will ever follow through on his words to my friend, but ultimately it’s her decision on what she does with this relationship. I don’t want to keep being negative and push her away from me or destroy my friendship with her.
I sent her a save the date that was only addressed to her and am hoping she won’t try to bring her boyfriend along. But what if she asks me if he can attend? Or what if she just brings him? I have big reservations about having a man who is actively and currently cheating on his wife attending my wedding and essentially giving blessings on a lifelong committment, when he is doing the opposite in his life.
I didn’t think about this too much until today when she was messaging me and said that some mutual friends, whom I had lost contact with long ago, were jokingly asking if they could be invited to the wedding.
Post # 3
Just tell her that you are not comfortable around her boyfriend and that he is not invited. While you can’t control whether he is in her life or not, you CAN control whether he is in your life, especially on your wedding day. I wouldn’t want him at my wedding, either.
Post # 4
@auroraborealis: Man, I don’t think I could be friends with a women who was like that anyways. Sorry I wouldn’t want either of them to be there.
Post # 5
Make it clear to her that you do not want him there, but confirm whether or not she has a plus one to bring any other guest with her.
Post # 6
If it makes you uncomfortable to have him there, then definately not. Good luck!
Post # 7
I would not feel comfortable having a single guest bring a married man as her date.
If she brought up the subject, I would make that clear. If she didn’t bring up the subject, I would find a way to tell her why she didn’t get a plus one, to avoid any chance of her just showing up with him in tow.
ps” the baby was an accident”? Like his penis accidenatlly fell into his wife’s vagina. I feel sorry for your friend who does not have the self- esteem to see how she is being used.
Post # 8
@julies1949: LOL, my sentiments exactly!!! He accidentally slept with his wife that he allegedly doesn’t love? I think these people don’t fall into the ‘social unit’ rule…
Post # 9
The real victim here isn’t your friend, it’s the man’s wife.
I would tell your friend that at your wedding- a place where you are celebrating the sanctity of marriage- you don’t think it’s appropriate for her to bring a married man.
Post # 10
Rubybride718 – spot on.
Your friend clearly has codependency issues. And you don’t have to be an enabler and allow the married guy as her date.
Bright side, maybe there will be a nice SINGLE guy at the wedding for her to meet. 🙂