(Closed) Weird texts you get from your DH/FI

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
2137 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

LMFAO he doesnt text me stupid things BUT you should hear what he says lol

Post # 4
731 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Lol, that is weird.

My husband has never meant to send these texts, but sometimes his phone freaks out and will send me half a text from like a year ago. So it will go something like this

“So did you get the lake house all booked for the wedding. We need to find a hotel for so and so to stay, this hotel looks nice and they have a my day is going fine, this chick came in late as always, hows your day?”

hrm….what? The weddings been over for a while now dear lol

Post # 5
3755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

“It feels like someone shoved a baseball up my asshole. It’s not been a good day so far”

Another poop text LOL… men… I can’t remember if he was constipated or what the deal was hahaha.

Post # 6
5956 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Mr. 99 is not a big texter, on account of his big bear like paws and lincoln loggey fingers…but he will call and it usually goes something like this:

Me: This is Nona, can I help you?

Him:  What has a three year old son, a hyundai and is currently trying to put out a clothes fire in his front yard?

Me:  Who?

Him:  The neighbor…looks like his wife found out about that little blonde number that got drunk and started stripping on his porch last week.

Me:  Wow, sorry I’m not there…

Him: No worries gorgeous, the video feature on your ipad is a beautiful thing!

Me:  Awesome, movie night.

Him:  Indeed, hey, I gotta go…she’s outside yelling at him and I hate silent movies…going to go pretend that the rose bush is SUPER interesting right now.

Post # 8
492 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

lol thats funny!

I got this yesterday:

“That song say’s “Bands wil make her dance.” I thought it said “vans (as on the shoes) will make her dance”. Makes sense now!”


Post # 9
409 posts
Helper bee

@Rock Hugger:  lol my SO has a fixation with poop and fart jokes and I don’t even know how it started between us. 

He sent this one day: “miss my queenie weenie to fart on me at night ;)”

AND randomly during a workday he sent:

“finally I get to poooop!”

Another thing he does is take HIDEOUS photos of me when I’m sleeping and send them to me randomly when I am at work.


Post # 10
577 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@QueenSP11:  My fiance caught this terrible one of me eating and he would send it to me periodically for at least a year. He got a new phone though so it stopped, thankfully!

Some texts I’ll leave out of context:

“Okay butt cats prolly ate eachother”

“Sounds like my kind of cleaning. The lazy bum kind. The kind that gives me da flatulence. On you head.”

“Just do the timewarp again”

“Baking zombies?”

Post # 11
6221 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

mine almost never texts. My conversations with him are all my and him never responding. Sometimes I’ll get something weird because his phone will autocorrect and he doesn’t notice (probably about 1/3 of the texts he sends me lol)

Post # 13
7437 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

He texted this to me while he was in the bathroom:

“Him: It won’t come out 🙁

Me: Aww I’m sorry baby 🙁

Him: Come in here and make it

Me: Do you tink if I pull your finger, it will come out?

Him: Maybe? I’ll try anything”

Eiw, we’re gross haha! Don’t worry, I didn’t try to make it come out…

Post # 14
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@Rock Hugger:  Ok, in his defense he is a police officer and deals with assholes all day long! Here are a few from the past two days. Please keep in mind he is joking and venting to me. He works in a very “bad” city. I get random text mesages all night long when he is working. The underlined sentences are his text messages to me, with no explanation to what he just text me, he explains when he gets home!

“I hate white girls. If one more tells me that she is the victim or that I don’t know what she went through I’m going to punt her like a football to the moon”.

FYI; we are white, so it makes it even funnier!

“They stole the door”.

Post # 15
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My Fiance sends me pictures of cute baby animals all of the time, especially when I’m having a rough day.  Sometimes when he’s in the bathroom, he’ll send me funny pictures of animals pooping, just incase I didn’t know what he was doing.  

Post # 16
1578 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Country Club

Aw, I just deleted all of my text messages! He sends me silly ones while I’m at work.

“If I promise to kiss your face when I get home, will you make my lunch in the morning?”

“I’m too tired, when we get rich I’m going to hire someone to bathe me.”

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