(Closed) “Well I already invited them.” – but were they really? Please help.

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: HAVE these guests already been invited?
    Yes, and you should invite them to your "new" more intimate wedding as well. : (0 votes)
    No, they have not been invited and you don't need to invite them. : (23 votes)
    96 %
    It depends - I'll explain in the comments. : (1 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 4
    3977 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I’m confused. Have you actually sent out invitations for the June wedding? Or is she just saying that she’s told people about the wedding. If no invites have been sent, I agree that although I understand her being upset it’s completely appropriate to make changes.

    Maybe as a consolation your mom can plan a party, maybe a big New Years thing or something and have part of the celebration be a congrats to the two of you and she can have all her friends there so they can meet your SO etc.

    I would definitely make sure that she is still on board with giving you the money promised, you don’t want to just expect it and cause even more hurt feelings down the line.

    Post # 5
    2657 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Unless you sent out the invites, I think it would be fine for you to change your mind. No official invite was sent, so they werent technically invited yet. They dont know any of the details.

    Post # 8
    1577 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    If no save the dates or invites have been sent, I’d say you’re in the clear.  Have the wedding you want.. it will still be beautiful and more meaningful to you and your Fiance with only your nearest and dearest.  Disappointment will be the furthest thing from your mom’s mind on that day, trust me.

    Post # 9
    1697 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Aw, you have such a sweet mom! This is a big deal for her ( obviously she had like 25% of the guestlist! ) she wants to share it with her friends. I have to say it is your wedding do what you want and make it your vision! I agree with everyone else you havn’t sent anything else feel free to make changes, shoot even if you HAD sent out invites its YOUR choice ( my future cousin just did this, sent a fb post to let us know they said screw it and that they were eloping!)

    but i feel bad, let her have her friends

    (don’t listen to me I can’t say no to people and as a result always end up spending so much energy trying to please others and forget about myself)

    Post # 10
    1559 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    This is what I would do if it were me: 

    1. I would stick with the smaller wedding. 

    2. I would have a larger small wedding (A Big-Small wedding? A Tiny-Large wedding?) than what I *really* wanted, because a parent who is paying wants to invite extra people, and I would feel bad about saying no. 

    This is basically what happened with my wedding. Ideally, I wanted to invite immediate family and friends only… but we have a *lot* of family, and a *lot* of friends… it still would have been at least 100 people, but it would have been only the essential people. 

    In the end, we invited about 200, and about 130 showed up… and this was AFTER we cut a ton of people out. Seriously, it would have been a 300 person list if our families had their way! 

    So, now you have a couple options to consider….

    A. You can stand your ground, and say “No Way, Jose!” 

    B. You can give in, and let your mom have some friends, since she’s helping to pay for the wedding…. but maybe limit the numbers a little. 

    C. You can go the “B List” route. Every time someone declines, your mom gets another invite to send to her friends 🙂 

    (As prefaced above, I went with option B.) 

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