- mrs ranunculus
- 7 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
I haven’t been around as much the last week or so – I’ve been at my man’s parents house and internet access (and PRIVACY!) hasn’t been easy to come by so I am waaaaay behind on my weddingbee time!
So, I will try to keep this as short and clear as possible, but a lot has happened in the last few days…
Background – Going into the holidays, I knew my guy had asked my parents for my hand in marriage and that his grandmothers ring was being sized for me. I was told I could most likely expect a holiday proposal.
My guy had told me several times that he feels that every woman should have a great story to tell about their engagement, and that he really wanted to give me the surprise of my life,
After arriving at his parents place and being around for a couple of days I got the sneaking suspicion that the proposal wasn’t coming…and as if that wasn’t making me sad enough, within the span of about 3 days, 5 of my friends got engaged.
Well Bees, it pushed me over the edge a bit, and as much as I wanted to control myself, I couldn’t hide my sadness very well. I didn’t say anything until we were falling asleep the night of the 23rd.,.I thought he was asleep, and as I was thinking about things, emotions overwhelmed me and I started to cry. Well, he wasn’t asleep after all, and of course immediately wanted to know what was wrong. I tried to tell him it was just PMS but he wouldn’t buy it, and simply said “I know we’ll get maried some day, and I am trying to be patient, but 5 of my friends just got engaged and it’s got me a bit upset. I’m being immature and jealous.”
He was very understanding and said – I’ll ask you to marry me right now if you want. I love you and want you to be happy. The ring is in the other room. (!)
I immediately pulled myself together, assured him everything was fine, and i could wait. This of course got me thinking he did have something planned after all. So I waited some more.
Christmas eve and most of Christmas day passed and nothing happened. I didn’t really mind so much because I knew it would come eventurally. He was acting a little odd but I didnt think much of it, We had a relaxing day, and around midnight started to get ready for bed. When I came back from the bathroom, he told me to turn around and face away from him…
When I turned back to face him, there he was, down on one knee. He simply said “I love you, Will you marry me?” There it was…his grandmothers ring.
I was stunned. I said yes. We kissed and hugged.
I’m not going to lie bees – he had built things up to the point that I was expecting something major…I couldn’t help but be a bit disappointed. I was at least hoping that he would have something romantic to say. Deep down, I knew though that having him as my husband was all the really mattered.
The ring: Unfortunately, the ring was exactly what I had feared – a lovely round center stone smack dab in the middle of a chunky yellow gold ring with tons of baguettes that could only nicely be described as “an old lady ring.” More accurately it would be described as gaudy…and kinda awful. I hate to admit this, but the first thing that came into my mind was, “OMG, I have to wear this ugly thing…”
I’m not proud of the fact that I couldn’t fake it and act like this was my dream proposal and dream ring. But I couldn’t. He had built things up so much I was woefully let down. He could tell right away… and I felt even more horrible.
We talked about it, which was good. He said he really wanted to plan something awesome but he saw how sad I was and wanted to make me happy. He said that because I am Jewish, and Christmas hasn’t ever really been that special to me that he wanted to propose on Christmas so that every Christmas in the future would be special to me. He also said “My mom said I should get the stone reset…We can do that and make you a ring you like.”
I realized in talking to him that I could get over it all…get the ring reset and more importantly I saw clearly that I loved him so much that that was all that mattered. As we talked about it more, he became more and more upset…he was disappointed in himself…
So we came to this conclusion (that was his idea, not mine). We’re going to be unofficially engaged for the time being…we told our parents and our siblings, but we’re not going to tell anyone else. He’s going to have time to (pressure free) plan a proposal that he is proud of, and get the stone reset in a setting that it more my taste. He said “I really want to make your friends jealous of your proposal story and your ring.” He’s given me the green light to start officially planning though, and we’re going to shoot for a date in May 2012 in my hometown.
Whew…sorry that was so long.
I guess, in a lot of ways it’s the best of both worlds. I feel so fortunate to have the man of my dreams…he cared so much about me that he wanted end my waiting sadness and give me happy Christmas memories. Now he’ll plan the surprise he wanted to plan, and I’ll have a ring that I’ll love. I truly feel pretty bad that I couldn’t control my sadness, but when I think about it objectively, I think that we really worked through this together and that it reflects a greater truth about how well we work as a couple. It also has taught me a *VERY* important lesson about not caring so much about other peoples lives and timelines – we’re going to do what is right for us, when it is right for us and that’s what’s really important.
I know that some people may not think very highly of me for expressing to him that I didn’t like the ring (in my defense, he said something first…and even he said it was an old lady ring), but it’s not like I rejected his proposal.
So there you have it, Bees. Don’t cross me off the list just yet…