(Closed) Well SIL screwed us out of buying a house

• anonymousbee001
• 5 months ago

@ladyvk:  Also how does SIL know that your Father-In-Law is helping you with the downpayment? I would suggest you keep your financials private from her going forward. Moreover, if the house really is worth 150K more than what you are buy it for, even considering a liquidity discount, there’s no reason why you couldn’t pay 20K more for the house. Your Mother-In-Law is free to take 5K and give it to your SIL for a few months rent, or not.

• anonymousbee001
• 5 months ago

@ladyvk:  She already has a house. Honestly it sounds like it’s best that your Mother-In-Law put her house on the market. If it doesn’t sell by October/November you and your husband can revisit the situation. Also, do you have the downpayment to buy the house or another one on your own without the FIL? Depending on the loan, you may only need to put down 3.5%.

• Tatum
• 5 months ago

• Wedding: October 2010

 

@ladyvk:  OK, well I still don’t understand where the $15K comes in…if she is selling you a house worth $315K for $165K but needs another $15K I don’t understand why she doesn’t just ask for $180K instead. That’s still a hell of a deal.

 

Sounds like SIL got really upset about her free lodging being taken away.

 

I would encourage Mother-In-Law to put her house on the market and keep the full gain herself. If she wants to put SIL up in an apartment for a year in lieu of keeping a house she can’t afford that might be the best option for them. You definitely don’t want to step in this.

• krm1984
• 5 months ago

@anonymousbee001:  These types of negotiations are why it’s so messy though.  I get it, I truly do, but have your Mother-In-Law get a fair market value for the house, OP, and list it herself/have an agent list it.  If you’re going back and forth with family over what amounts you think are appropriate and they don’t agree, it just creates bad blood that’s not likely to go away.  Get an objective third party involved, do it in a way that doesn’t feel like person-to-person negotiation, so all parties know that it’s fair.  I would be so much more comfortable with her just doing that.  And her inability to afford the home until November shouldn’t now become your financial burden, because buying a home for a decreased price or not is still a huge purchase.  You shouldn’t feel like you have to to save her from her mortgage from now until then because she’s made awful financial decisions.

And I agree with PPs about caring for your Father-In-Law, that’s a disaster waiting to happen.

• anonymousbee001
• 5 months ago

@krm1984:  Agreed. More functional families could potentially take advantage of eliminating the broker spread if they can easily agree on a fair price. However, here the situation seems way too toxic and enmeshed. OP should just let Mother-In-Law and SIL figure out their respective situations on their own.

• nattywed
• 5 months ago

• Wedding: June 2021

If your husband wants to help his mother, he should be counselling her to sell her house on the market. That’s basically 150K she’s potentially throwing away! If she’s overwhelmed by how to sell that would be an appropriate way, as a son, for him to step him. If she were wealthy I would say see what you can get out of it, but since her finances are a in dire straits she really needs to sell and make some money on this house. You mention she has made bad financial decisions in the past…this selling her house for half-value business is another terrible financial decision in the making. 

• slomotion
• 5 months ago

• Wedding: City, State

I would have responded back 

“1. No. 2. No.”

• coffeeeee
• 5 months ago

Are you or your SIL supporting your Mother-In-Law financially or doing things like arranging doctors appointments and paying her bills? Is Mother-In-Law not mentally capable of being her own caretaker?

 

That’s the only reason I could see this being a legitimate request from her. Things like this tend to happen as parents age and need extra care.