(Closed) Well SIL screwed us out of buying a house

posted 10 months ago in Legal
Post # 61
1571 posts
Bumble bee

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@cmsgirl:  Agreed. That’s why I said that if the relationship were more functional a reasonable course of action would be to agree on a fair value from selling immediately (perhaps by looking at comps and/or hiring an appraiser) and then split the surplus from paying a broker. SIL is already financially taking advantage of Mother-In-Law by living rent free and seems to think she is entitled to this benefit from her brother as well.

Post # 62
4320 posts
Honey bee

I will admit that I haven’t read all of the follow up comments, but HELL NO to all of this.  No to charging you one amount and then demanding money under the table, no to the sister having to live with you 4 days a week, NO NO NO.


Post # 64
5061 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@ladyvk:  sorry i missed that part of your post but read it after your first reply back. I then edited it with a question about mortgages and valuations but you snuck in before i clicked send 😊

Post # 66
1571 posts
Bumble bee

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@ladyvk:  Have you addressed your concerns that your husband is putting his sister’s wishes first with him? If you ultimately decide to go with the house I would suggest talking to the Mother-In-Law directly: Maybe offer her 180 (or whatever is a fair amount) for close in October. It might be best to buy the house without FIL’s help, as his offer has strings attached. Once the deal is finalized and the paperwork signed, give the SIL notice. 2 months is enough time to find another place. I’m sure there are plenty of people looking for a roommate.

Post # 68
2848 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t know how anyone could read this and the message and not think the SIL is irresponsible and short sighted, and feels entitled to family bailing her out of her own stupid decisions. She bought a house 3 hours away from her family, life, and work that a boyfriend of a year is living in. That was a stupid decison. She then expects to live with her mom, rent free, when her mom is struggling with her own financials. She also expects her mom to up and move her whole life, away from work, life, family, and a grandchild to go live 3 hours away on the vague possibility that one day SIL will have a child. And now that her little arrangement can no longer continue, she wants her brother and his wife to allow her to live rent free with them and is involving herself in a deal the mom tried to do on her own. 

SIL is an idiot. 

Post # 69
1524 posts
Bumble bee

You need to RUN.  Do not pass Go.  Do not consider this AT all.

My husband and I got involved with family buying their house, after she BEGGED and pleaded with us that she needed help. She didn’t have enough money, she was taking early retirement, yada yada yada.  We were hesitant so she tried her damndest to sweeten the deal by giving us 50% off as well cause she needed cash under the table NOW.  Didn’t want any real estate attorneys involved to draw up a contract to “save money” because why would they try to screw us over when we’re faaamily?  Plied us with sweet words of love and how it would be helping out faaaaaaamily so much.

Long story short, after giving tens of thousands of dollars for a house we believed was OURS, they tried to renege on our deal and take the house back, while NOT giving us our money back.  Tried to claim that since there was no “contract” we were living there for “free” so didn’t have to pay us back cause they claimed the money we gave was “rent” and other sh*t.  In the end, we had take it to court for financial fraud and a host of other other stuff.  We “won” in the end, but it wasn’t really winning because we also had to pay tens of thousands in attorney fees to fight this in court. It was really really ugly.

Your story sounds so similar to mine.  My husband and I have ALWAYS been there for our family and helped our parents out. But was taken advantage of BIG time.

With your SIL being BSC from the onset of this house deal, it will ONLY get uglier and nastier.  That 15K is just a drop in the bucket b/c I guarantee she’ll use the whole “my mom gave you a huge discount on the house when it’s worth so much more. Therefore you OWE MORE $$$” and make your lives hell hounding you for cash whenever she needs/wants it, or wants to lord it over you.  It’s SO so telling that your Mother-In-Law is very quiet on this and is allowing her daughter to interfere in this way when it’s not her house, and that your SIL has the balls to ask for $15K like it’s nothing.  Your MIL is 100% complicit.  Oh but to your face, she’ll most likely act helpless and like a confused innocent victim, and claim something along the lines of she “doesn’t really understand what’s going on.”  110% Bullshit.

STAY the F*ck away from this shitstorm.  Buy your first house the traditional way (a house NOT tied to family).  Unless you really want to be hit with a financial shitstorm that could leave you devastated for a long time.

Post # 70
309 posts
Helper bee

Tell SIL that you will not be allowing her to live with you if you buy the home, and you and DH can discuss the options directly with Mother-In-Law. Tell Mother-In-Law you are willing to pay a higher price, but that you’re also willing to help her list the house and get full price. Honestly, I’m just worried SIL is going to prevent Mother-In-Law from selling the house at all because she wants to continue living in it, and Mother-In-Law is going to be the one to deal with the financial fallout. I’d be pushing DH to help lookout for MILs best interests. Not your circus, but also fuck entitled people like SIL…I would keep an eye on her taking advantage on Mother-In-Law and call her out. 

Post # 71
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

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@ladyvk:  If the government has some sort of ability to take back part of a downpayment in the event of sale, then she may have to get clearance from the government to sell at fire sale prices. This doesn’t seem right on so many levels.

Post # 72
670 posts
Busy bee

Honestly I think both you and the sister in law are taking advantage of mother in law but the mother in law prob does not mind her daughter staying with her 4 days a week and prob welcomes fhe company. 

ultimately you are getting the house for 50% off, pay mil 15k to 20K so she can pay off her debt it’s only fair and give sister in law rent for 6 months or considering she is your husbands sister just let her stay there for 6 months. 

we have had family come stay for work/schools throughout years and well we are close so it’s no big deal and they are family. 

after 6- months to year when sister in law has a job near her house you have basically doubled your equity. If say if you guys spend total 200K with giving mil money and sister in law went money you are still saving 100k+. 

if market prices are high in your area and right now interest rates are low this is a great deal for you regardless even with sister in law staying with you or if you are against that then paying her to rent a place. 

Sister in law prob discussed the arrangement with her mom prior to making the decision to buy a house 3 hours away and also seems like she is looking out for her mom debt 

seems like you are all about helping family when it helps you more, you guys are more then willing to “help” mil by buying her house 1/2 the price but not help sil by letting her stay at her own brothers place for 4 days a week for  year while she’ll be working and not in your way. 

you are ok to “help” fil stay at your house but he is paying your down pymet in return. 



Post # 74
37 posts

I don’t know… from an outsiders perspective this does look pretty unfair to your SIL. You and your husband get a very obnoxiously discounted property AND help with the downpayment- when she saved and purchased her home all on her own? Unless I am missing something here, it is pretty unfair to help one child to that extent and not the other. Regardless of the situation (child, no child), it doesn’t mean you two are more deserving of being helped to succeed in life than she is. 

Regardless, I agree with all PP’s about how this is much too messy to have so much entanglement with finances and having your Father-In-Law live with you would not be ideal. Plus, your poor Mother-In-Law who suffers from a mental illness is probably being pulled so many ways in trying to help you guys out but also make it as fair as possible to her daughter. So sad. 

Post # 75
1237 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

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@sharpshooter:  And no to buying a house with Father-In-Law who then moves in to dote on his granddaughter (hard on the granddaughter and maybe a little creepy) and secure eventual free old age care (very, very hard on OP).

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