Post # 1
For those of you who knew I was going to see my cousin today at around two….Nothing came of it.
That girl is someone I don’t know anymore. She’s a big fucking ball of hate and I’m sitting here on the verge of a breakdown about it.
Ok, so friend sent me her address and begged me to go over there today without telling her that I got it from friend. I waited and waited for cousin to show up as I sat there a shaking nervous wreck trying to calm myself down. Cousin pulls up. I follow her in the apartment and she finds out she can’t get in the door since she doesn’t have a key for whatever reason. I calmly asked to talk to her for five minutes and she looked at me and said
“I don’t need this shit right now!! I have way too much to do today! You are harassing me and I just need you to leave, now!” I said “I just want to talk to you for a moment. Why aren’t you letting me be a part of your life?” And this whole time she’s screaming at me while I talk quietly shaking like a fucking leaf. She got on her phone, called some girl I don’t know and said “Are you able to let me in the apartment? Courtney is here and I don’t have time for this shit! Fucking kidding me?” Friend on the phone said she was about 10 minutes away so cousin stormed out to her car and drove away.
Seriously, I want to bawl. IF I knew her parents would be of ANY assistance I would totally call them right this second. And the only thing stopping me from grabbing her/and or smacking her was the fact that I knew she would’ve called the cops on me. I just know she was going to bail her abusive boyfriend out of jail. I’m not trying to be her parent, at all. I just wanted to talk to see if I could have her tell me why she doesn’t want to talk. But she’s so aggressive and so hateful when I’ve done NOTHING to her but tell her that I love her nothing is getting through–she’s just lashing the fuck out.
I GIVE UP! i may be my sister’s keeper but if she gets pregnant, gets arrested, etc. it won’t be my fault. I’ve done everything I can.
Post # 3
I’m so sorry you’re going through this! ((HUGS)) I don’t know what to say, but I am praying for you and your cousin.
Post # 4
@SweetRose2011: awwwww ((((HUGS))))
If your sister is 18 or older, you’re no longer her “keeper”. What she does, as an adult, is on HER shoulders.
I know you’re heard the saying “you can lead a horse to water, but can’t make it drink”, right? Well, that’s pretty much your sister. Until SHE wants to change and get out of a bad, abusive situation, there’s nothing ANYONE can do. It sucks, it hurts, but that’s how it is. Unfortunately.
I’m sorry you’ve gotta deal with this and that you’re hurting so much because of her and this crappy behavior. But at least you tried. You can’t MAKE her talk to you or listen to advice. What you can do is be there for her when she hits rock bottom (doesn’t sound like she has yet) and wants help.
Not help to get back up and repeat what she did to GET to rock bottom, but actually to get up and CHANGE for the better.
good luck and lots of hugs!!!!!
eta: is it your sister or cousin? sorry! confused on that part! 🙁
Post # 5
I went through a very difficult situation with my sister, like you are having with your cousin. It’s heartbreaking and so difficult to deal with. Feel free to PM if you need to chat/vent. I know how hard it is 🙁
Post # 6
I know we all want what’s best for our family members, but you HAVE to let this go. You cannot make adults do what you want them to do. And consider this: she is still going on doing whatever she wants tonight while YOU are the one miserable. For your own sake, you have to just let her make her mistakes and accept that there’s nothing you can do but help her fix them when and if she ever comes to you for help.
Post # 7
I know this, and i know what when I went through stuff with my family I hated when people tried to tell me what to do. But I wasn’t doing stuff that was illegal, or hurting myself. And I’m terrified for her. I wish I didn’t feel the need to help her so much. I don’t want to be her parent, I want to be her friend. All I wanted to do was talk since apparently it’s been a year since she’s been willing to.
Post # 8
I wish I had any advice for you. And I agree with @ohheavenlyday:
. You just gotta let it go.
I know I mentioned to you in another thread that I’m going through something similar with my brother? well, he hasn’t talked to me since the end of April. I’m letting it go. When he wants to talk, I’ll be there.
Post # 9
All you can do is give her your contact info for when and if she ever wants to come around. Mail it to her and leave it be. You know she’s just lashing out and you also know you’ve done all you can do. Going over there is a lot more than most people would have cared to do.
Post # 10
you have done all that you can. im so sorry that you are going through this.
Post # 11
she’s my cousin. But we grew up like sisters. I was homeschooled until I was in high school and she was one of my only friends. I’ve loved her more than anyone in my family at times.
Post # 12
What part of Illinois are you in? I am in IL too. By the way, I am a homeschool mom. I am praying for you for sure.
Post # 13
You’re trying. When she’s ready to accept help/advice she will come back to you.
Post # 14
I’m around two hours SW of Chicago. Thank you so much!
Post # 15
It’s hard, but I would let it go…at least for a while. If she wants to come around, she will. If not, it sucks really bad, but that’s the way she wants it to be.
Have you thought of writing her a letter or something? Maybe that will help you to get this off your chest and maybe she will take it seriously since it’s indirect? I don’t know…
If you’re a praying person, I would say do that. I’ve been in this situation before and the only thing that helped was distance and leaving the situation alone.
Post # 16
I’ve been praying like mad. I have every religious person I know praying with me (the ones I trust at least). Let’s hope this works.