Well, that didn't end well!

posted 3 weeks ago in Emotional
Post # 4
Member
2618 posts
Sugar bee

Wow. That’s an intense start to the New Year! Hopefully things get better. 

Happy New Year Bee! Enjoy those newborn snuggles!

Post # 6
Member
249 posts
Helper bee

Tbh, it sounds like there is a lot going on having a new baby in the home and taking on a visitor too.

She exhibits a lot of typical “annoying MIL” traits , telling you what she thinks on everything mum related,  telling you how to settle bub etc but it seems you deal with it all terribly.  Yelling at her,  not caring that she sees you lose it etc all sound like ways to ensure the conflict never resolves. And,  as a mother of older children,  there are some of her comments that I do agree with.

She judges you and your mothering a lot. It’s not fair.  But it’s also very common.  Your going to need to decide if your going to die on that hill because it seems your drawing an extreme wedge between a mother and her son. 

 

Post # 8
Member
249 posts
Helper bee

“when we were yelling at eachother and heard me say some things about her “

Same diff. It’s escalated to that point. 

Post # 10
Member
249 posts
Helper bee

lifeisbeeutiful :  how far away is she? Is there a way you can make ammends and then remind yourself you only need to see her once a year?

Post # 12
Member
2658 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

Your husband should be 100% totally and utterly backing you up.  You are the one who carried your little one for nine months, gave birth to her, and are now sustaining her from your own body.  He shouldn’t be in the middle because there is no middle – you and baby should be his total priority.  I adore my Mother-In-Law and I would never have her to stay for four weeks (in a one bedroom apartment!!) let alone that long with a newborn.  I suspect you might find some assistance over at DWIL (google it) because you have a husband issue as well as a Mother-In-Law issue.

Post # 14
Member
5643 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

A month or 4 weeks doesn’t seem that long to her, when she hasn’t seen her son in a year. Perhaps next time she can stay elsewhere (outisde of your apartment), but I can understand her wanting to spend time with you and her son when she has such a short time to see him. 

Because your Dh clearly doesn’t see what the issue is, this will continue to be a problem until the two of you work it out. I feel bad for the Mother-In-Law because she probably didn’t intend to be the cause of the rift between you and Dh. Next time, either make sure that Dh is home to entertain his mother, or make sure you are gone more or that she stays in a hotel. Either way, it seems pretty obvious that you feel one way, your Dh feels another, and each of you may be projecting on his mother. 

It sounds like she gets to see you once a year. While it may seem forever to you, it may seem over in the blink of an eye to her. Try to be more accommodating. 

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