- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2015
So I never had an official timeline with the S.O…just the “yeah I see you in my future and i’d like to marry you someday” chat.
We’ve been dating for just shy of two years now and i’ve been hoping to bring up the timeline discussion soon and decide on something more definite than “someday.” Just for reference, he’s 29 and i’m 24. he was engaged before so he’s not against marriage (she broke it off due to religious differences).
well…after dating for about a year, we almost moved in together. long story short, we decided not to because my parents are very traditional and catholic and it would have placed a huge strain on my family. also, my mom helps me out financially with my student loans, car insurance, and phone bill. She said she would no longer help me with those things or support me in any way if we moved in together. now, i have a full time job (i teach high school) and i make enough money to support myself. i could pay for all of my bills including the things my mom helps with but she is trying to help me out so i can save money. also, she had always promised to help with my student loans if i graduated summa cum laude (which i did).
so we were just talking and somehow he brought up the fact that we could be saving money and have a nice place and everything had i moved in with him and he said but “nooooo mommy wouldn’t let you.” he sounded so bitter and resentful which surprised me because we had mutually decided to wait on moving in together so that we wouldn’t anger my family.
i countered “well, when we get married we’ll have a nice home together.”
then he made some random comment about how i still wouldn’t be able to afford anything if we were married.
I was like, “excuse me? what’s that supposed to mean?”
He said that if we were married i still wouldn’t know how to handle my money and my mom would have to pay for my stuff still.
I was shocked. I asked, “What are you talking about? Are you trying to say that you don’t want to marry me because I’m tight on money?”
He said no it’s not that, but said that i can’t even support myself yet.
UGH. This is total bull. I have a good job. I save money. My mom helps me out because she wants to, not because she has to. But he makes twice as much as me so I guess that makes him better.
I don’t get his deal or even what he’s really getting at. But I do know that i would like the man i’m with to be excited to marry me someday and not dread discussing the topic due to finances.
disclaimer: he’s normally a sweetheart to me. he treats me like gold. he goes above and beyond to show me he loved me. he spoils me every chance he gets.
i don’t know where this came from or how worried i should be about it or how to even really address it.
i just don’t feel good about it :[