Post # 1
My boyfriend dropped the bombshell on me today that he has decided to stay in our current apartment for another year or two in order to pay off his debt before he buys a house. Didn’t tell me he had been thinking about, didn’t say a word until now that he made up his mind and then tells me that I can forget about a proposal in the next 2 or 3 years because that’s not a main concern of his right now and that I’ll be alright with waiting a few more years.
I am in shock and hurt. Not only did he decide that he/we would have to sign another lease without talking to me even though I am on the lease but the fact that he basically said he takes back being engaged in the next couple years and isn’t worried about it and that I need to be okay with his decision. Break up thoughts had not been on the table before but now they are because I’m not going to be told I have to be okay with something when I was a part of the decision making process and it’s bold of his to assume that I’m willing to just put my life and what we had previously discussed on hold indefinitely. He says it is because he does not want to be engaged in an apartment but it just screams he doesn’t want to commit to me anymore or never did.
So should I attempt to discuss this with him and get clarification on both sides or just take it as the sign that he’s not ever going to propose and or marry me and I need to move on and live my life?
Post # 2
Bee, you need to go back and read your previous posts. You were considering breaking up with him and buying out your lease only a few months ago because he was being an asshole.
“But the hardest part is instead of thanks I get told that I’m nagging to much for him to help with house work or if I over sleep he comes in the room and says “I’m hungry b****, make me food.” “
In another post you said you quit your job – so are you not working right now? Are you fully relying on him to support you? It sounded like 4 months ago he didn’t want to marry you, and is solidifying that now. It’s shitty times for the job market, but you need one ASAP and move out. This isn’t a good relationship at all, and you’ll only waste more time by staying.
Post # 3
I think you need to be just as clear in your reply. You need to say that you understand what he needs for himself, but that you have different needs, thus you will not be signing the lease again, so he will have to find another roomate. Likewise, you are not willing to put your life on hold for another 2 or 3 years, as you had previously discussed, so in order to be true to yourself you will have to leave him.
He is assuming you will take whatever he chooses, and you don’t have to and you shouldn’t. Look out for you first because he sure isn’t.
Post # 4
Wow. Okay, I should have looked that up.
OP, drop him like the dead weight he is. What a pig.
Post # 5
He doesn’t want to be engaged in an apartment? That’s a wild excuse to not propose. I would have a huge issue with how he approached this too. He does not get to announce major decisions such as signing a lease and waiting for an engagement/marriage to you as a done deal. That is not how partners handle decisions in life. I also don’t like his “shut up and deal with it” attitude. You do not have to be ok with his decision to stay where you’re living, or to wait another 2-3 years for an engagement. I’d be worried that he won’t ever propose, and you’ll just be waiting those 2-3 years for nothing, growing more resentful as time passes. I also wouldn’t be ok with a partner who wasn’t interested in my input in decisions that are supposed to be joint. Unless he’s willing to discuss these issues as a couple and make a decision together that you trust him to stick to, I’d walk away from this.
ETA: After looking at your post history a bit, he seems like an asshole. Just dump him. You’d probably be much happier.
Post # 6
I stuck it out at the job I posted about and I’m glad I did because I’m not out of work since it’s at a grocery store.
Post # 7
why are you even still with him? You’re playing *yourself* at this point. You are not the love of his life nor will this relationship ever lead to marriage. Take your power back and leave the relationship today.
Post # 8
This guy?! The “I’m hungry bitch, make me food,” guy?! No no no. You should have gotten out of this disaster a long time ago. Why are you still with him? What will it take for you to leave?
Post # 9
This situation is why I dont recommend living with someone prior to an engagement. Break up with him, and you can move. I also don’t recommend living with an asshole which it sounds like this guy is. “I’m hungry bitch, make me some food”. I dont know why you’re with him at all
Post # 11
dump the guy. “You know, I’ve thought About my decision too, and I understand where you’re coming from in seeing money as the priority, but I’ve also decided to step out of this relationship as I see an unconditional relationship as priority, and I’m sure you understand that”
Post # 12
OP your “SO” is treating you like you don’t matter. He made his decision because as far as he is concerned your opinion/input don’t mean shit. He no longer needs to respect this relationship because as he sees it, your job is to fuck him, feed him, shut up and be happy about it.
Oh and in case you didn’t get it….He’s only gonna marry the girl he actually wants to marry. She hasn’t shown up yet but you make a good enough substitute for now…..and if not, there’s the door.
Let us all hope you think about this and get pissed enough to realize your worth.
Post # 13
OP, this is my opinion only, but your boyfriend sounds very cruel. This is a sensitive time full of broken dreams for everyone, I understand this, but an engagement does not need to be expensive at all. I feel it is so cheap and insensitive to use a pandemic to scoff off an engagement. Only my opinion.
Post # 14
Thank goodness you didn’t quit bee! This sounds like a blessing in disguise. You’re now in a very stable and in-demand job, prob with a lot of hours. Start saving and don’t sign a new lease with him!