Well this is a hard pill to swallow.

posted 4 months ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
1683 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Malibou Lake Mountain Club

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@ sweetkat92   he is treating you and this situation in a way to meet his own needs, not yours. And trust me, once he is done with his loans or whatever the heck he needs, he is going to leave you with way more luggage that you have. cut him out. move out. say no. you dont need this. you are not a doormat

Post # 17
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

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@ sweetkat92   This may be hard to hear, but please bear with me. I’ve been in toxic, controlling relationships before (not saying yours is), but in those relationships, I felt that I was always walking on eggshells with my partner and biting my lip on everything. I’ve been in two healthy relationships since then, and a truely great relationship is one where you both have a say. There should be no person controlling in the relationship. In a healthy relationship, discussing the next step should always feel open and easy, and you should always feel comfortable saying what you want to say. Originally, my partner wanted to wait until we were living together for 3 years before getting married, and I told him let’s wait after a year and see how we feel. It was easy and understanding because we cared about both of each others opinions and desires for the relationship. 

If he doesn’t want to listen to your feelings or you feel that your feelings towards moving the relationship forward don’t matter, it’s not a healthy situation. Either you guys get some couples counseling to work it out, if you think it’s worth it, or you move on. You are never too old or never too invested to leave a relationship. 

Sending you love.

Post # 18
Member
1813 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

You deserve so much better than this asshole. What an embarrassment he is. Do not stay any longer than you have to. Dump him like you should have done the first time he said anything along the lines of “bitch make me a sandwich”. Because that’s disgusting behavior. Do not for one second think he is normal, or what he says or how he treats you is ok. It’s not. Nothing he is doing or saying to you is ok. Stand up for yourself. You will find someone better. Leave. Today. 

Post # 19
Member
521 posts
Busy bee

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@ sweetkat92   dump him. Your 2-3 year engagement plan is far enough away that you’ll probably be able to find a guy who’s husband material in that time and get engaged to him– even with the social distancing! But staying with this guy will be a complete waste of your time. You deserve to be treated *at least* like an equal.

What clarification could he offer? He could pretend to walk back his comments and say he’ll get engaged to you but when you put his recent words in context of how crappy he’s been to you then the evidence is clear. Everything in his life is him him him. You deserve to be with someone who thinks of your needs too– and not just as an afterthought. 

Post # 20
Member
1131 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I remember the past post where he was being disrespectful and calling you out of your name. Now, he’s giving the excuse that he can’t be engaged while living in an apartment? That’s one of the stupidest excuses I’ve heard of a man giving.  

You should have already left. Not sure why you even want to be engaged to someone who treats you so horribly. 

Post # 21
Member
5988 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

What a loser. We got engaged when we were living in an apartment, got married while we were living in an apartment and had a baby while we were living in an apartment, and purchased a home together after.

Don’t fall for his excuses. Think long and hard about your future. 

Post # 23
Member
1159 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2018 - Fremont, CA

He’s shown you he only cares about himself and that, to him, you’re not in this together as a team. Take this precious gift he’s giving you by showing you what a subpar partner he is and how little he thinks of you and of your wishes – and reclaim your freedom! Find your own voice! Follow your dream and take the trash out. Yes, he’s the trash.

Post # 24
Member
1871 posts
Buzzing bee

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@ sweetkat92   Serious question. Why do you want to be with someone so gross? 

You do realize that the majority of women would not want to date this guy. So why are you still wanting garbage? 

Post # 25
Member
580 posts
Busy bee

From all your posts this guy sucks so much 

Post # 26
Member
247 posts
Helper bee

If you don’t break up now, you never will. Take that beautiful car of yours and leave this guy in the rearview mirror.

Post # 27
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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@ sunburn   

 

I feel like this is exactly the reason you SHOULD live with someone before engagement. Then you can see the ugly before you commit to that person. 

Doesnt make the situation any less rubbish – but at least you got a test drive before buying the whole cow (as people like to say).  

Post # 28
Member
6989 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

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@ sweetkat92   you need to stop telling yourself stories, OP. It is NOT a servant heart that makes you willing to put up with a man saying some heinous shit like “I’m hungry, bitch, make me some food.”

There are all kinds of women in relationships where they joyously serve and/or are served and they aren’t putting up with some piece of shit calling them names and being hella disrespectful.

You need to get your tolerance of that foolishness worked out before your next relationship. That is unacceptable.

Post # 30
Bee
5287 posts
Bee Keeper

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@ Hell-0hell-0   Right. Because there’s no possible way to identify someone as a jerk without living with him. People always give you clues to what they are.

Most women go into a living together situation already committed.  They know what their partner is like, it’s not like living together is a litmus test. 

In OP’s case I’m sure that her boyfriend gave her plenty of clues to his personality.

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