Post # 1
Last summer when we were home, my mum threw a huge party to introduce Fiance to everyone and welcome him to Canada. My Great Aunt (father’s mother’s sister) and her husband were there, and we promised them an invite and talked to them about the wedding (we revealed we were engaged at the wedding).
Well in October, my Great Aunt suddenly died of a stroke. Since then, my Great Uncle has been living alone…and he has recently been going around to all the sister-in-laws (it was a family of 11 and many are still living), and asking them to come and live with him so they can cook and clean for him and uh…give him some ‘extra benefits.’ He’s quite serious about this! He’s always been extremely cheap (if a family member needed a ride to the dr. – even just 10 minutes away – he would charge them for his time, gas, and mileage!) But he’s never been that pervy.
Now I’m not really sure what to do about the wedding. I did promise him an invite, but I also don’t want him sexually harassing my 80 year old aunts (or younger cousins?) at the wedding. He may not come since it is out of town, but he is still able to drive long distances, and he LOVES a free meal. What should I do?….
Post # 3
send him a contract that says, he can come if the doesnt hit on old ladies? or send him an invite that includes the address of the nearest nursing home! just kidding!
Definitely awkward, but I would think a phonecall would be warranted and be honest and truthful. He is in the age, where you dont have to be so diplomatic and worry about treading on his toes. Least he knows where he stands.
Or you could avoid the issue, sweep it under the rug and not send him an invite.
Post # 4
Can you speak to your mom or other family member about this? It seems like a somewhat unusual situation that your family would probably know how best to handle.
Post # 5
Ohhh no, that is so awkward! My grandpa is getting like this too, even though my grandma is alive and they are still very much in love and happy. I think it has to do with senility or something… he always wants to give kisses to all the pretty young things in our family. For the most part, everyone is used to it, so if your family is anything like mine, maybe it won’t bother people? I don’t know… since he already seems to be doing it to his sisters-in-law, maybe they will be prepared. You can always have someone there keep an eye on him and issue warnings as necessary. It might be the only way he can cope with his loss which is sad…
Post # 6
Maybe he won’t come? Even though he likes a free meal, will he have to drive some distance for it?
Post # 7
Thanks for your thoughts bees 🙂
My mum actually doesn’t know what to do either. It’s something very recent that has happened (he hasn’t always been like this…or now he is showing his true colours?), but the biggest problem is that my dad died three years ago, and this isn’t my mum’s family. We want to maintain ties with my dad’s family as when someone dies, that is sometimes hard, but the great aunts are all quite elderly and not necessarily able to defend themselves/fully understand. My grandmother kind of gets what is going on, but her ability to comprehend the world comes and goes at times. I think I’m leaning toward not inviting him…as he is my grandmother’s brother-in-law not brother….but it’s still a tough call.
@jordynrose: That’s what we were hoping…but he is REALLY cheap and always goes for a free meal if he can. He is still quite active, and drives older family members around (for a price), so it’s very possible he will come.
Post # 8
I work at a nursing home, and in my experience most of the men who act like this are depressed or lonely, especially when it’s a sudden change. One man at work thinks it’s okay to come up behind me and press himself against me! Ick!
My advice – be straightforward, but don’t make a big deal of it. Just find time for you or a family member to say “Hey. This day is important, so be on your best behavior!”
And maybe have someone else in the family pay him a little extra attention. I can almost guarantee you he’s just lonely, even with all of his other, er, quirks.
Post # 9
@lilyfaith That’s a really interesting perspective – thank you for that. I’ve been focusing so much on how uncomfortable I feel about the situation that I haven’t been thinking in a compassionate way about what he might be going through.