Post # 1
Quick Recap: I met a guy online about 4 months ago, he lives about 500 miles away from me. We talked and skyped daily for hours at time for the first 2 months and then started setting up visits and became “official” soon after. We saw each other about every other week for the next 2 months. I could feel him slowly pulling away and he finally said he wasn’t sure what he wanted and that it wasn’t fair to stay with me. We brokeup and i told him I couldn’t be friends with him, we could either be together or not. After about 2 weeks later (two flights cancelled) he called and said he wanted to still talk and take things slow. He had cancelled his flight the upcoming weekend because of an impending storm but missed talking to me.
I know we went 0 to 60 really fast. Spending weekends together from the get go and talking for unsustainable amounts of time. I am all for slowing down,I just can’t help but be hurt and take it personally. It doesn’t help that he is not great at communicating and I have insecurity issues. I noticed he updated his dating profile right after we spoke and still goes on it. I was under the impression that we were staying exclusive but now am not so sure. If I ask him, it may look like I was doing some crazy girl stalking (I was!)
Any advice on how to slow down without the uneasy feeling that it’s not really what I want? It could progress again right?
Post # 2
Setting up visits etc is EXACTLY what people who are serious about the relationship would do. I was long distance with my husband for 5 years except for summers. (He was away at school.) We visited every few weeks and talked for about an hour every night. It sounds like he will probably just string you along until he finds a suitable partner closer to home.
It sounds like what he’s offering is not really what you want. I’m sorry.
Post # 3
- Wedding: December 2019 - Paris, France
I feel like 0 to 60 is natural when you are falling in love with someone. If he is unsure ..its because its not his ideal. It really does sound like he is stringing you along.. which is really painful.
Post # 4
I would move on. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but I think this guy isn’t really ready to commit. My husband and I went 0-60 as well, but two years later we’re still together. Some couples are meant for this and some aren’t. I think your boyfriend was ready but then got cold feet. I would move on and find someone else who understands exclusitivity and doesn’t slow down like your previous one.
Post # 5
Fizzy8: We skipped over the slow start and went right from strangers to long phone calls and constant weekend visits. He doesn’t mind being exclusive (well I need to clarify that. His answer may make it easy to end this) he just wants to talk less like a few times a week by phone/Skype and some texts. I understand 3 hrs every night on the phone is unsustainable And even getting on a plane or having a visitor every couple weeks for a full weekend can be a lot. Even I was glad during breakup to have time back to do things and see friends and family.
Is it a shady of me to just date around and not tell him. Keep talking to him here and there but live a full life. If he decides that we need to get together in person we can cross that bridge then. I hate cutting him out completely but not sure how easy it will be to not be all or nothing
Thanks everyone for you advice!
Post # 6
You are either exclusive or you aren’t. Don’t be a liar and a cheat just because you are insecure. What you can say is, “I understand that you want to take it slow. I agree that things went too fast. But I’m uncomfortable having a “boyfriend” that only wants to talk a few times a week and only see me every couple of months. Let’s take a step back. You keep dating other people, I’ll keep dating other people and we’ll keep dating each other. We’ll see where this goes.”
Post # 7
I’d move on. Find something local. It sounds like the long distance thing is not for him. He probably enjoys talking to you but it’s probably to much work for him. after so many months he is having to work hard to see you. Spending money and booking flights, it’s probably just getting to him. If i didn’t love my Fiance i would have left him the moment we started a LDR. It’s really easy to drift apart once you have been separated for so long. If you care though you remember why you are working so hard to keep the relationship going. I haven’t seen my Fiance in 7 months but i won’t let that mess with our relationship.