(Closed) Went from planning bee to devastated, lost bee.

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
688 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

All that I can think of for you is to start treating the relationship the way you want him to treat the relationship.  I’ve been through rocky times before, although nothing as severe as yours, but this was the advice my own fiance gave me.  I had to lead by example, so to say.

If you know you can be happy together, start returning back to the girl you were when you first met, and not to sound cliche.. the one he fell in love with.  You have lots of time before your wedding (it says 2017 on here..). 

Just try to take it slow, one step at a time. 

Post # 4
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

First I am soooo sorry to hear your pain.. second….one, two BREATHE… 🙂 

Now, as much as you love him you cannot control him or his thoughts…all you can do is react to his actions…not what you wanted to hear I know all too well… but Trying too hard to control what he wants to do right now will not help the situation.  IF you could get him to speak with a therapist of some kind that might really help him to work through some of his thoughts at this point and perhpas for yourself too.. I would say do it separate and together is possible. 

Don’t just blame yourself for this, perhpas if he had spoken to you earlier that he felt there was a problem it would not have gotten to this stage – and this might suggest that you have a communication problem going on. 

Your family and friends will understand IF you have to cancel the wedding, I am sure they would prefer to see you happy and lose a few dollars than to see you in pain and going through a divorce later.

Good Luck and BIG hugs

Post # 5
Member
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I don’t feel qualified to give advice but if I could give you a hug over the internet, I would. I’d give you so many hugs. I hope that now the issue has come to the forefront that you are better able to work through it and come out on the other side in a stronger and healthier relationship. 

Post # 6
Member
2137 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

i honestly have no advice, im just sorry that you’re going through this, maaybe its cold feet?

Post # 8
Member
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@Missus_LLC:  +1

and (((HUG)))

Post # 9
Member
628 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Oh love, I really wish I could offer you more, but The only thing I can do is comfort you. I’m so sorry that your in this hard situation.

Post # 10
Member
1737 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Like another Bee so eloquently said, I don’t feel qualified to give advice either, but I wanted to say that I’m so very sorry that you are going through this. It must be so rough for you and confusing to say the least. I do think that your idea of counseling is a great place to start. Don’t give up on each other. The fact that he was willing to bring it to your attention and not just walk away speaks volumes…get yourselves into couples therapy and begin healing and finding the best ways to be in love again. Good luck, OP. {{hugs}} 

Post # 11
Member
688 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Onehurtingbee:  

Oh it’s this year!  Well even so, all you can do is give it your best effort.  I really hope that he sees how much you are trying to turn things around, and that he was right in asking you to marry him in the first place.   🙂

Lots of love and hugs!

Post # 12
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Onehurtingbee:  I am sorry this is happening, and send you a big hug. When you suggested counseling, what did he say? Does he want to try it? If so, schedule it right away. I know it doesn’t seem like a lot of time between now and Dec. but perhaps if you go to even just a couple of sessions it will do wonders for you and your relationship.

Post # 13
Member
2607 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I am very sorry you’re going through this!  Definitely make an appointment for counseling, ASAP.  And in the meantime, both of you should read “The Five Love Languages” (also available for your e-reader, if that gets it to you faster).  

Wishing you the best, no matter what happens, and sending virtual hugs.

Post # 14
Member
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

It sounds like he wants some space, I would let him have it. Thats just me though.

Post # 15
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee

I PM’d you…

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