(Closed) Went to boyfriend's ex's wedding…went great…wanna send my OWN gift?

posted 6 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I think it’s appropriate. Who cares about their past obviously they have both moved on so why not move forward as friends?

Post # 4
Member
1263 posts
Bumble bee

I think that’s a nice, thoughtful gesture on your part! 

Post # 5
Member
2063 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think it’s fine. Although if what you’re really interested in (provided your boyfriend is okay with this, which is a whole separate issue) is to hang out, then you could always just send a card and offer to take them out for a beer as your treat instead. 

(I don’t believe in beating around the bush, and since she’s the ex and you’re the current and they are married, you probably have to roll the ball, I think)

Post # 7
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Personally, I’d stay out of it. talk it through with your SO. He’s your priority and so are his feelings.

if the ex is that keen to befriend you, let her make the first move and if that means a double date and your SO is cool with it then fine. But I certainly wouldn’t push things with her. 

Take everything with a pinch of salt. taking a pee together does not mean your best friends. Sorry bee. 

Post # 8
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I think it’s a nice gesture. This is also coming from someone who’s going to her DHs baby’s mamas wedding soon. Just talk it over with your boyfriend to see if he’d be comfortable with it.

Post # 9
Member
1767 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
csteed: I think it would be inappropriate if you DIDN’T send a gift. When I say “you”, I mean you and your BF. You said you “believe” they are sending a gift and don’t know if they are going in on it together. Isn’t this a question you should be asking our BF? Personally, if I were in your position, his parents would be sending one gift and my SO and I would be sending our own. If they ARE going in on a gift together, I would just offer to chip in and ask to have my name put on the card. I still believe that adult couples should send their own gifts though (the only exception is when the gift everyone is going in on is substantial).

Post # 10
Member
1012 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

is that a thing? Sending a candle or something after the wedding? Especially since his family will sign your name on the card I wouldn’t do anything else. Sure, hang out with them if that ends up working out but anything like a small gift now would seem a little over the top in my opinion.

Post # 11
Member
6331 posts
Bee Keeper

It’s not necessary, but it’s not entirely inappropriate either. 

Post # 13
Member
1012 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

View original reply
csteed:  wah, I see! Maybe when you finally get together buy her a drink 🙂 say that’s my wedding gift. Haha I would totally do something like that.

Post # 15
Member
2125 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
csteed:  I think it’s awesome to send something, but I would check with your bf’s  family first to make sure they did actually sign your name to the original gift. If they didn’t include you and your boyfriend on the family gift, I would send something nicer than a candle!

We invited a bunch of my cousins and their live-in boyfriends/girlfriends/fiances, and a few of them didn’t get us any gifts (not even cards). These are all adults living out of their parent’s houses, and the best we can guess is that they figured that their parents would sign their names too as a “family gift” and the parent’s didn’t.

We obviously never mentioned it to them (can you imagine that conversation… shudder), but knowing my cousins they would be mortified to find out that they hadn’t been included on the family gift and didn’t actually send anything.

Aaaanyway – as I said before, I would confirm whether you and your boyfriend were actually named on the family gift, and if not, I would send something nicer than a candle!

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