(Closed) We’re about to drop out of the wedding if you don’t calm down

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
5295 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

I would drop out and be bridesmaids for “A”. Give her an awesome b-party and save lots of $$$ on the dress and accessories. She sounds like the true friend here.

Post # 4
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would probably have a sit down with B and hte other BMs so that you all dropping out doesn’t catch her off guard. Explain the sitituation and let her decide what is more important- her way or an empty bridal party…maybe she doesn’t realize what a B she is being

Post # 5
Member
1626 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think you should talk to B first, and tell her that you all cannot afford to do these things for her–she isn’t even supposed to plan her own bachelorette party!  I would say to her that you’re willing to buy the dress, but the shoes need to less (or she pay the difference) and it is customary that if the bride asks for hair/makeup to be professionally done that the bride is supposed to pay for it. I’d select 1 person from the group to talk to B so she doesn’t feel ambushed, but make it clear that she is speaking on behalf of the group and that you all just feel overwhelmed.

Post # 7
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@bearlove: This.

I don’t know what it is about wedding planning that can make an otherwise lovely person turn into a completely self absorbed beeyotch, but give your friend a chance to redeem herself.

If she doesn’t come around to the real world, then move forward with the revolt.

Post # 8
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Talk to her individually so she doesn’t feel ganged up on.  Just write down the costs associated with her wedding and say, this is far more than I expected when I agreed to be in your wedding.  I unfortunately can’t afford it and will have to respectfully drop out unless we can figure out a way to cut costs.

Don’t mention A’s wedding at all, because this shouldn’t be a competition to have the cheapest wedding.  If A wasn’t getting married, you would still likely be unhappy at how B is treating you, no?  It’s just in comparison it sounds pretty bad and makes you realize you’re unhappy.  If she brings it up (and only then), have ready A’s costs and the factor of difference between the two (x4? x5?)  You might even ask her at that point if she’d be willing to have a combined bridesmaid party or a lower key one that everyone can afford.

Post # 9
Member
2459 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

 I totally agree with the other posters, i really hope you sort this out because I would hate to think A will miss out on a bachelorette. 

 

Post # 10
Member
5295 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

@hotstepmom: yes, I changed it – realized I had the wrong letter. I would tell her that unless her behavior changes and she realizes that as BMs you are neither slaves nor money trees, you will be dropping out. It sounds like you’ve tried to mention this several times and it’s not getting through.

As far as her comments of ‘don’t eat out as much etc.’ that’s such bull. Why should you have to alter your lifestyle just to afford to be in her WEDDING? That’s crazy.

Post # 11
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Oh if you’ve already tried talking to her about it, then all you can do is approach it more seriously and say, “This isn’t a joke.  We really can’t afford it.”  Keep repeating it and if you are prepared to do so, then tell her you are out.

Post # 12
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

And you can still have a very very lovely evening with A that is cheap, you just need to be more creative!

Post # 13
Member
3364 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Glad you have the support of one another, this is never easy. I say you give Bride B a talking and give her the chance to make right, if not, then say “you know what, we gave you a heads up in how we felt, cant do this anymore let alone afford it.” some Brides only do these kind of things because they feel like they are in competition with one another, especially having each other being apart of them! havent you seen Bride Wars? lol 

Best of luck! Glad Bride A is there leading a great example! 

Post # 14
Member
750 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@kay01 said “Don’t mention A’s wedding at all, because this shouldn’t be a competition to have the cheapest wedding.  If A wasn’t getting married, you would still likely be unhappy at how B is treating you, no?  It’s just in comparison it sounds pretty bad and makes you realize you’re unhappy”

AGREED. B sounds like a complicated person and I am willing to bet she’s going to get defensive about this. But I very much agree with the others that you need to talk with her. Thank goodness the wedding isn’t extremely close so you’ll have time to either work things out or exit gracefully.

Post # 15
Member
1626 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@hotstepmom: Whoa seriously? Ok, I went from thinking she had just lost sight of reality to thinking B is a total nutjob.  Now you can feel free to approach her much more directly. Simply state that you don’t WANT to drop out, but you cannot afford these things, you feel taken advantage of, and it is not the behavior of a good friend to ask you to change your CELL PHONE PLAN to afford EXTRAS for a wedding!!! As a Bridesmaid or Best Man you are supposed to get a dress and SHOW UP, that is it. Anything else is really out of the goodness of your heart but she has pushed the limits. Tell her you want to be there for her, but if this is what “being there for her” entails, you’re very sorry but you cannot afford it and she should look for someone who can–if on the other hand, she wants you as a Bridesmaid or Best Man because you’re a friend you’d be happy to help her find more affordable options!

Post # 16
Member
6512 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@hotstepmom: “We have told her time and time again that we can’t afford it and she says stuff like stop eating out, or to change our cell phone plan…”

WHAAAAAAAAATTTTTTT??!!!  My goodness, drop B like a sack of rotten potatoes.  She is certainly a “B,” and comments like that are just inexcusable.  I would have a hard time not cussing her the f*** out, frankly. 

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