(Closed) Were all your bridesmaids actively involved or primarily you MOH?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

The only person who really cared what happend at my wedding was me.  My husband cared because we were paying and he had to live with me.  🙂 

I only had one attendant and she did more to piss me off than to help (that’s a long story – she’s pregnant and announced it at our rehearsal and made her whole weekend about that).  I didn’t ask her to really do anything, since it wasn’t her wedding – I just wanted her to wear the dress/shoes I bought and stand there with me and sign the marriage license. 

BUT!  No one ruined my wedding or my shower.  It was awesome.  Being married is awesome. 

Post # 4
Member
13010 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Do you mean not helping with the shower?  If that’s the case, you shouldn’t be involved in it to begin with unless you’re approached by the Maid/Matron of Honor. 

My BMs all live across the country, so there’s limited help they can offer.  I know they all regularly communicate via email.  Maybe yours are as well?

Post # 5
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

What do you think they should be doing? My bridesmaids have bought a dress and seem to be on top of buying shoes and arranging travel. I think they kick ass for it.

Post # 8
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think every bride has to have realistic expectations of her bridal party (that goes for the grooms too). It’s really nice when those folks step forward and help out with planning, parties, DIY, and etc, but it’s not realistic to expect everyone will contribute at the same level or even at all. Plan to do everything yourself and to not get a bachelorette party or shower, and when people contribute, then it’s a pleasant surprise and a gift.

Everyone has a busy life and time flies for all of us. No one is going to be even half as excited for your wedding as you are. Don’t take it personally, ever.

Post # 9
Member
2239 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’d say all of my bridesmaids have been relatively actively involved.  My sisters have been a little less involved than my Maid/Matron of Honor and other bridesmaid but I think that’s mainly due to their age.  My local bridesmaid that’s not related to me has been sending messages to my Maid/Matron of Honor I think.  She wanted to make sure my Maid/Matron of Honor still felt involved even though she’s in RI like 8 hours away.  MOH will fly in a week before the wedding.

Post # 10
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Showers are gifts. The bridesmaids are in no way obligated to throw one or help to throw one. I’m not even sure if all of my bridesmaids are coming to my shower, and it honestly doesn’t bother me. People have lives outside of my wedding – it’s just a blip on their radar, and that’s the way it should be.

Post # 11
Member
1032 posts
Bumble bee

Perhaps I just see thigns differently, or am a bit of a control freak, but I feel like it is my wedding and I am the one (along with finace, but let’s be honest) that should be doing things and making decisions.

My maids have showed up when asked and purchased a dress. I count on them to show up ap the appropriate time the day of, wearing the appropriate dress.

I do not understand why brides want to pass off ‘duties’ to others.

Post # 12
Member
3182 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

So you expect your bridesmaids to all be actively planning and paying for a shower?  I don’t think that’s unusual to expect that, but maybe they don’t have the same feelings about the role of the bridesmaids.  I’ve only thrown one shower and it’s because I was the Maid/Matron of Honor.  Others offered to help but it was just easier to do it on my own.  

Post # 13
Member
3182 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@PoppyH:  I feel like the shower thing is a little bit different, just because that’s generally a party thrown in the brides honor and most defintely not thrown by the bride herself.  

As far as other stuff goes, like DIY projects, etc. I totally agree with you. 

Post # 15
Member
915 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I am having the opposite problem, my Maid/Matron of Honor is throwing my shower and my bridesmaids keep asking her what they can do to help….she says there’s not much to do, if they want to bring some food they can. I feel like they want to be more involved but my Maid/Matron of Honor is much happier doing it on her own

Post # 16
Member
3770 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

To be honest, I have zero expectations for my Maid/Matron of Honor or my bridesmaids/men to plan or help with anything.  If they offer that’s fantastic, but they have their own lives and things to worry about.

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