Post # 1
So before I get the “you’re being silly”, “you’re too young”, “why can’t you wait”, “your parents may have a point” comments, while I appreciate your concerns for us, we’re already engaged and that’s that.
For some background information: I’m 18 and J is 20. We just recently got engaged after discussing it for about 6 months. We’ve known each other since I was 12 and we’ve been joined at the hip for years. We’ve been dating for about a year, and I absolutely couldn’t be happier. I’m in college, he has a full time job, but neither of us is completely financially independent from our parents. (However, on J’s end, he lives off his own money and the only thing his parents pay for is his cell phone because he’s on a family plan.) My mom doesn’t seem to mind me getting engaged as long as it doesn’t affect my school, and J’s parents are thrilled. I havent asked my father’s opinion in engagement in college because when he was 18, he was dating a 14 year old (not my mom) so I don’t care about his judgement too much. Anyhow. I’m thrilled to be engaged, but we haven’t told anyone yet. I would love to post pictures and be excited with everyone, but I just don’t want to hear all the “you’re too young”s. We’re not getting married right away. We’re not getting married til after college. We’re paying for our own wedding, and we aren’t setting a date until we have the full amount of money that we’ve allotted for it in our savings, with college expenses, rent, and insurance coming before wedding funds. I’d really like to tell our parents and flaunt my ring, but I just don’t feel like listening to the naysayers. Did anyone else have this problem? When did you other young couples announce your engagement?
Post # 3
I was 20 and Fiance was 28 when we got engaged and I was not afraid to announce it. We announced it the very next day. I did not get any negative comments. We will be 22 and 30 when we get married, six weeks after my college graduation.
Post # 4
everyone’s got an opinion about everything, no matter what age. Just announce it and ignore the people who aren’t supportive. It’s all you can do.
Post # 5
Someone’s going to say it so I might as well be the first one to do it: If you’re feeling this way you aren’t ready to get married. You shouldn’t need to seek validation from strangers on the internet. Also my issue is that you emphasize that you aren’t getting married immediately. Long engagements are perfectly fine, but if you aren’t yet ready to actually be married to your significant other (for whatever reason) you shouldn’t be engaged. You shouldn’t get engaged unless you’d be willing to marry the person that day if need be.
Post # 6
I agree @MrsWBS. Unfortunately you’re going to get plenty of comments, and then you’ll get comments about your wedding, and then you will get comments about when you’re having a baby, and then you’ll get comments about your parenting choices. NO matter what you do in life, someone will have something to say about it.
All you can do in life is be confident in your decisions and choices. And come up with a witty come back 😉 Congratulations!
Post # 7
I wouldn’t say we were afraid to annouce our engagement, we were a bit nervous (rightly so) about FI’s mothers reaction, but we knew everyone else would support us. Even if they didn’t support us we knew that we were doing the right thing for us at the right time for us. We were 22 when we decided to get engaged and I don’t think we got a single comment about being too young or needing to wait. The people who know us know that we are mature enough to make those kinds of decisions and be respect us as adults.
Post # 8
We are both 19, But I was 18 when we gt married. At first we were thrilled to be engaged, and not at all worried about announcing it. But then everyone went crazy, telling us we were too young and making up nasty things about us. And honestly, it hurt. We were so excited that we would be spending our lives together but for most of our engagement we really wished we had just eloped.
So yes, I know exactly what you mean. And I don’t blame you for wanting to keep it a secret for now at all. Just know that you are not alone, and that there will be an end to all of it. And enjoy these days with your fiance!
Post # 9
I was 19 and Fiance was 21, we weren’t scared at all. If we were afraid we wouldn’t have gotten engaged because that would mean we weren’t ready. We didn’t have any negative comments. Our families and friends were thrilled. We were both full time students living at college that our parents paid for. We bought a house that we could easily pay the mortgage and be independent but our parents are paying for all of the wedding.
Post # 10
We were 20 when we got engaged and we announced it almost immediately. My mom wasn’t thrilled, but it was mostly because she didn’t know FH that well and because she thought that we weren’t going to wait until we both graduated from college to get married. I would have married FH the same day he proposed, but we knew that we weren’t in a place to go ahead and get married. We’ve had a long engagement and things have been fine. No one ever said that we were too young.
I say go ahead and announce it.
Post # 11
- Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL
Editied: I think if you want to get married you should be able to support yourselves as a financial unit together and be completely 100% independent of your parents before marriage. So waiting until you have the exact $ amount saved up is a great idea on your parts.
I didn’t address the actual engagement… If you are already engaged now, why not announce it? Everyone has an opinion, but if you are going to have a long engagement and wait until you get to a financially stable place that will allow you to be married, then I don’t see the harm in letting everyone know you are engaged. Fear of announcing that you are engaged makes it seem like you are not ready to be engaged. I think that since you have a mature well thought out plan about how to save for your wedding through college, then there should be no shame in announcing it to your parents.
Post # 12
- Wedding: February 2015 - Mount Hermon
Exactly. You’ll have people nitpicking at everything you do, forever. Just let em nitpick and come up with a witty relaliation.
@MrsChristopher: She’s not looking for validation. She’s looking for advice on how to deal with people who say she shouldn’t be engaged. And maybe, if need be, she would be willing to run down to a courthouse today and get married. There are a hundred reasons she might want to wait. Me, I’m waiting because I want to be slightly more financially secure and out from underneath the monetary rule of my mother before we get married. But if Boyfriend or Best Friend said “I’m getting moved to Europe next week for my job, we have to get married of be trans-atlantic,” I’d do it in a heartbeat.
Post # 13
- Wedding: October 2013 - Tybee Island, GA
I was 20 and he was 23 lol.
I didnt mind announcing it because he had already let the important people know. He asked permission and all.
But at work; i was scared. I work with a bunch of older people. (insurance) and me at 20 and engaged i knew i would get the whole “You need to finish school” “you’re too young” “you have your whole life ahead of you, why get married now”
needless to say i love my man… i sucked it up and took all the critisism in and Saturday i’m marrying my Fiance with a wedding we paid for ourselves 🙂
Just wait till you announce you’re moving in with him… That one went over GREAT with everyone. (Sarcasm) lol.
The way i see it is the people who told me to wait or told me i was too young; they are all on board with it now. Nobody was happy with our decision to move in together; but EVERYONE has gotten used to it now.
Just take what ever people say; and tell them “Thanks, i’ll take that into consideration… but I know we are ready for this step in life:
Post # 14
@FutureDrAtkins: Did you even read her post?! First, she wasn’t looking for opinions on if she should get engaged/married. Second, she specifically said they aren’t getting married until after college when they have the money saved up for the wedding!
Post # 15
- Wedding: June 2014 - EDD 06/12/2016
@shorterbear: I was 19 and Fiance was 20 when he proposed. We actually announced it right away we were so happy. I have yet to hear a negative thing from any family or friends. Everyone seems on board (maybe because we’ve been together for 5 years?) but don’t let the possibility of negative comments take away your joy!!!! go announce it NOW!!! You will feel wonderful 🙂
Post # 16
- Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL
@MrsWBS: Yikes! Sorry! I missed the part about their plan for saving up for the wedding. I’ve edited my response