(Closed) We’re getting married, I love him, so why am I so reluctant to move in?

posted 8 years ago in Home
Post # 3
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

It’s completely normal.  You are used to having your own place and a house to boot and now you are going to be moving into a smaller condo.  I would try to see if he will let you decorate to make it both your tastes instead of just a bachelor pad.  If you really can’t get used to the condo, maybe the two of you can talk about selling it in the future and buying your own house together.

Post # 4
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

Why do you have to move to his house as opposed to yours or a new house you buy together? 

Post # 5
Member
2007 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

My best advice is to redecorate with him so that you both have your things around the house and it’s a “new” place.  That went a LONG ways towards his place feeling more like my home.  Also, carve out a little area for yourself.  Maybe there’s a spare bedroom you can set up a little reading nook or whatever.  Having a space you can “escape” to also helps smooth the transition from living alone to sharing a bedroom. 

Oh, and it’s totally normal.  No worries there.

Post # 7
Member
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I’m moving from Vancouver to Tiny-town, Kentucky to be with my Fiance.  I have struggled with this big time.

To make the transition easier, I have started making his home feel like my home by “nesting” everytime I visit. I’ve painted the entire house! I’ve planted trees & bought new patio furniture. We bought new living room furniture and tons of art. I’ve turned the empty bedroom into a nice guest bedroom (for when my family visits)… The house has photos of both of us and our families. We’ve redesigned the kitchen & there are plans to revamp the master bedroom before I move.

Start nesting! Slowly start making changes to his apartment so it feels more like your space. Move things over gradually and start thinking about his condo as your home too!

Post # 8
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

I actually had the opposite,.My boyfriend moved to a new city to be with me in my own apartment. I know what a big change it is for both of you and it’s totally normal to feel like youre the only one making sacrifices.

Since you can’t sell now I would talk to your fiance about how you can make his condo feel more like your condo as well. Paint, decorations, pictures, etc. You dont have to make drastic/expensive changes. Just put your personal touch in it! Maybe you can work on a project together that will increase re-sale value, since you will probably be selling some day in the future. Pick out new flooring, or counter tops or something?

Post # 9
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

This is completely normal.  Along with discussing ways to make “his” space feel like it belong sto both of you, it might help to spend time talking about what both of you need in terms of time together vs. apart.  Losing space was challenging for me when Fiance moved in, but once we set some ground rules about quiet time during the day it helped a lot.

Post # 10
Member
2066 posts
Buzzing bee

Its completely normal.  Talk to Fiance and explain that while you are excited about marrying him, you love your living situation and you’re giving up quite a bit and you’re worried his place won’t feel like home.  Then start nesting and making his place your place too.  That way you both feel comfortable there. 

Post # 11
Member
2513 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Trust me girl, it is completely OK that you’re feeling this way!

While I was VERY ready to be married to my now-hubby, when it came time for me to move in with him (into his home & out of my apartment) I found myself having periodic anxiety attacks lol. It definately takes awhile to get used to the idea of making “his” home “your” home. Perfectly normal to feel anxious, but something you definately need to get over in order to proceed! 😉

Post # 12
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

It doesn’t sound like he doesn’t *want* to make sacrifices, but rather, just as you said, that you moving into his condo is the logical thing to do because you rent and can’t rent there for much longer and it’s not a good time to sell the condo.

Ideally, you’d be able to move into a new space together and that would help it truly become yours. But since that can’t happen right away, you’ll both need to talk about making the space seem like both of yours. He might be resistant at first–he probably likes his bachelor pad–but I’m sure that after some thinking about it he’ll realize that a little bit of nesting is something that you need to do together as a couple. Perhaps if you receive some money as wedding gifts, you could use it to buy some new furniture or decorations that are appealing to both of you?

Post # 13
Member
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Paint! Get some nice colors – the Aura line from Ben Moore is great. Are you bringing your furniture? decorations? Do what you can to make it feel like your home. Moving is always hard even when you’re upgrading. Accepting that will make things easier. In a month everything will seem completely normal again.

Post # 15
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I feel the same way. I’m losing the proximity to my friends, my gym, my preferred shopping – my very short commute to work – and more than likely my job/coworkers. I do feel that I’m giving up everything at this point. I’ve been leaving stuff at our house down there each time, but the anxiety moving a few hours away is completely disrupting the giddy-ness of the wedding planning! I think it’s something we’ll get over as soon as the change has been made – but I know how you feel!

Post # 16
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

One other post mentioned taking everything out of the a room (living room for example) and then both of you put back both his stuff and your stuff.  That way you can still feel at home by seeing your flower vase on the mantle or your picture on the wall.  Plus it gives the space a fresh look and its something you guys designed together.

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